Apologies for the brevity and the lack of scotchy-level humour and insight…

Rams at Bucs (4:05, Fox)

Rapey Jameis and palz host the team that cannot offense. RedZone will surely show at least 5 plays from this thriller.

49ers at Seahawks (4:05, Fox)

So far, the SeaTruthers have looked awful shitty. That hypothesis will be put to the test in this one. First team to 10 wins. You can see why Fox is happy not to have double header coverage this fuckin’ week. Jeebus.

Jets at Chiefs (4:25, CBS)

One always wonders how the Jets will manage to Jets this one up, especially given the Chefs penchant for pulling undeserved wins out of their collective butthole. As far as I can tell, every Gang Green WR is injured, presumably with consumption.

Chargers at Colts (4:25, CBS)

BOLTMAN! is no doubt well-pleased with the early season competence, and viewers will no doubt be entertained by this defense-free matchup. Barn-raiser extraordinaire Andy Luck has to be feeling older than King Laserface of late, playing behind his tissue paper OL.

Steelers at Eagles (4:25, CBS)

Here’s the broadcast game pretty much everybody gon’ get. Which will mostly be DeAngelo and Antonio Brown carving the Iggle D a new asshole or seven, while Jeeeem and Pheeeel splooge all over each other about Carson Wentz’ poise. You’ll be very thankful for RedZone Channel, like you should always be.