DFO Radio: Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden

INT. LAKE TAHOE HOTEL – LATE NIGHT.

A hulking young man walks with a young woman down a hotel hallway. 

THE BEN: …FIVE FOOT GIMME.

STORMY DANIELS: Ha ha, more like five inch gimme.

THE BEN: SO…BRETT FAVRE?

STORMY DANIELS: [giggles] Like a kid down there!  Ha ha, no, nothing like that.

THE BEN: [taken aback] VISANTHE SHIANCOE?

STORMY DANIELS: Oh, God, no.  More like Trent Green.

THE BEN: …?

STORMY DANIELS: Completely and utterly forgettable.

THE BEN: [nods sagely]

STORMY DANIELS: In those cases I try to make it forgettable for them too, so they don’t bother me anymore.  I have a go-to move I call the Dennis Byrd.

They arrive at Stormy’s room.

THE BEN: YOU WANT BEN COME IN, CHECK FOR INTRUDERS?

STORMY DANIELS: [considers]…That’s very sweet of you, but…not tonight.

THE BEN: YOU SURE? THE BEN IS BIG PLAYER ON REALITY SHOW SCENE.

STORMY DANIELS: You’re gonna get me a guest spot on Hard Knocks?

THE BEN: BEN WILL TELL COACHMAN THAT HE IS TIRED OF STANDING BEHIND JEFF HARTINGS, WANT STAND BEHIND SOMEONE NEW.

STORMY DANIELS: [laughs] You’re more clever than people give you credit for.

THE BEN: THE BEN JUST PAWN IN GAME OF FOOTBALL.  NO, WAIT, QUARTERBACK IN GAME OF FOOTBALL.

STORMY DANIELS: [slips into her room] Good night, Ben! Someday I’ll be telling 60 Minutes how much of a gentleman you were.

THE BEN sighs and takes a few steps away from the door.

THE BEN: LOOKS LIKE THE BEN WILL BE BUNKING ALONE TONIGHT.

Suddenly, three girls in bachelorette attire stumble around the corner.

GIRL 1: Oh my God, I’m so wasted.

GIRL 2: I have to pee.

GIRL 3: [to BEN] Hey…aren’t you that football guy?

THE BEN: YES. THE BEN IS FOOTBALL MAN.

GIRL 1: Sorry to bother you, but…are you staying here? Do you have a bathroom we can use?

THE BEN turns to the camera and smiles.  End scene.

—

This week’s Request Line was a true delight, as the theme was “things associated with golf”.  There were so many great submissions it’s hard to lock down a favorite, but I think theeWeeBabySeamus clearly earned MVP rights and I’m going to lead things off with five of his choices.  And some honorable mentions go to Armed & Hammered for his DOUBLE SHOT of songs about Greenskeepers (both of which were new to me) and Low Commander of the Super Soldiers for pulling off the rare internal DOUBLE SHOT with Iron Maiden’s “Where Eagles Dare”. Fantastic work, everyone, this was a blast.  Spotify link.