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25 Questions

ballsofsteelandfury

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So,  the free agency period just started and there are many #burning questions.  Let’s get right to them, shall we?

1- Do I look fat in these jeans?

2- Do you think she’s pretty?

3- What does she have that I don’t?

4- Why did she get the promotion and not me?

5- What did you think of my friend Jennifer?

6- Do I have a better body than Jennifer?

7- Do you want to double-date with Jennifer and her boyfriend?

8- Did you like the steak I cooked for you?

9- Do you mind if my mom comes over?

10- Can she stay for a month?

11- Do you think I would make a good mom?

12- Was it weird that my mom was wearing yoga pants?

13- What did you think about those yoga pants?

14- Do I need to wear yoga pants to make my butt look good?

15- Should I start working out?

16- What part of my body do you like best?

17- Who is that pretty girl in your office?

18- Ooh, I want another piece of cake! Should I have one?

19- Do you think I can pull that look off?

20- Do you want to have a threesome with me and Jennifer?

21- Am I still sexy to you?

22- Do you watch porn?

23- What kind of porn do you like?

24- Do you think I would make a good porn star?

25- How many guys do you think I’ve been with?

This has been 25 Questions that,  if answered incorrectly,  will lead to free agency.

 

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JerBear50

#20 works on the same premise as every great scam; you know immediately you should just walk away… but couldn’t it be real this time? What if it’s just finally your time, your ship coming in for once? You should probably at least check it out, right? I mean, you’re a smart guy, you can feel it out and see what’s what. You’ve got enough street smarts that you’re not gonna get HEY WHAT THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE CHARGES ON MY CREDIT CARD?!?

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ballsofsteelandfury

SO true!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This might be controversial, but I’m going to say it anyway; IMO Jennifer Connelly is attractive.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

23- What kind of porn do you like?

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

1
Don T

This I’ve tried to some success:* “You know how you make my body feel. Please don’t rope me into yer insecurities ’cause [ass grab] woof!”

* Non-crippling out of court settlement.

4
Don T

26. I know we just met, but I’d really like you come to my kid’s 10th birthday party.

27. Answer me!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Latina single moms are a special breed.

2
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

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Beerguyrob

The answer to all things:

comment image

4
laserguru

Those pants don’t make your ass look fat.
Your ass makes your ass look fat.

I’ve been flying solo ever since.

8
Don T

Still more tactful than “But I love fat asses!” /ducks

3
LemonJello

If caught in the car when these questions arise:

http://totalfratmove.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/e486d1b14f0a986c0cd7533c1c165449.gif

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jjfozz

May I add a few more? Great.

1. How much have you had to drink?
2. Do you think you should drink that much?
3. Can you even talk right now?
4. Where are the children?
5. Where is the car?
6. Where are your pants?
7. Do you think I’m cleaning up all that vomit?
8. What are you going to say when I tell my parents?
9. Would your father do that?
10. How drunk was I when I said “I do”?

9
ballsofsteelandfury

“Would your father do that?” is an all-timer. I’ve been on the receiving end of that one…

2
jjfozz

My father was a poor kid who grew up in Little Italy and I know he wasn’t any angel. He did plenty of shit, and had a ball doing it. I remember coming downstairs one morning to find him laying on the bench of our picnic table – it was inside, why I don’t know – with a bucket next to him.

Fucking legend.

5
Unsurprised

2. Do you think you should drink that much?

Yes

1
Enrico Pallazzo

Got to love the Browns signing god awful player and person Kenneth Britt and apparently letting Pryor walk. Great franchise.

2
ArmedandHammered

The reason men have been accused of not listening is because we get asked these questions and it is much better to pretend not to listen than to answer those questions or even show interest in those questions, in particular number 20.

1
LemonJello

For 1 thru 25, inclusive:

comment image

The only answer that makes sense.

5
obscurejones

22. Parn? Purn? …Porn… No can’t say I’ve heard of that.

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