What Happened

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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INT. NFLPA UNION HALL – SEPTEMBER MONTHLY MEETING

A dilapidated auditorium is packed full of NFL players. An audible murmur is present as the men engage in private but heated discussed in pairs and threes. Unnoticed to the crowd, a man seated at the front of the room checks his watch and stands up to address the room.

Zak DeOssie: Okay everyone! So we on the Executive Committee only have the Executive Director election on the agenda for today’s meeting. I think we can run through this pretty quickly if everyone keeps on topic and tangents are kept to a minimum.

Vontaze Burfict: Kept to a minimum? This is our livelihoods, man! I think there should be some pretty substantive debate about the job Demaurice Smith has done and if we want to renew him to serve through the next CBA negotiations!

Most members of the crowd nod in agreement along with audible confirmations.

DeOssie: Well Dee isn’t hear so, I mean, we can talk a little but our bylaws call for the Executive Director’s next agreement to be concluded tonight.

Odell Beckham Jr: Drop the bullshit, Zak! Smith isn’t the man to be negotiating with the owners. He’s weak, his character is questionable, and the results speak for themselves! Not only are ratings down, the spin on it is because the CBA isn’t having us practice enough before games! Nothing about the youth that is flooding our rosters because GM’s are just focused on stockpiling young players because Smith won’t get the salary cap raised!

Burfict:
That’s right! And what of the discipline process coming out of the league offices?!

The energy in the room temporarily deflates but for a small gang of players in leather jackets smoking cigarettes in the back corner of the hall.

OBJ: Point is, we’re in no better place on CTE, health benefits, disciplinary procedures, or compensation with Smith speaking on our behalf. We’ve got to get it right on this next CBA, man!

Burfict: Yeah! We need some new blood!

DeOssie: Look guys, I’m a player too. I get it. But these things are complicated and who would you honestly think could do better? No one on this committee — and, mind you, we have experience — thinks they can do better than Dee.


Josh Gordon:
Yeah man, I’ll give it a whip. I already know where the NFL offices are.

OBJ: He means some new blood who can actually pass a piss test.

Burfict: How about Colin? Is he here?

DeOssie: You crazy? We’d be fucking locked out so goddamn fast…


Tyrann Mathieu: Aye man, I think it’d be awesome if we sent Josh. Like, he’d all walk and Ginger Hammer’d be all like, “Whaaaaa?”. It’d be fucking funny man, you know?

DeOssie: Listen, this is all really a moot point because the fact of the matter is that the board is obligated to take steps to —

A voice booms from the back of the hall.


Hillary Rodham Clinton: Enough! Now, I just joined this organization last year but I have a been a staunch supporter of collective bargaining my whole life! And what is happening at the top of the NFLPA is reflective of the epidemic that is killing union membership across the United States!

Heads in the crowd nod as she continues over murmurs of agreement.

Sam Bradford received a $78 million rookie contract! Jared Goff’s was only $27 million.

Mathieu: Still overpaid in my books.

HRC: Wrong answer! A rising tide lifts all ships and we’re in drought conditions while the owners are reaping record profits without, might I add, any lasting physical tolls on their bodies!

Clapping begins as her statement is sprinkled with interruptions of agreement.

We have a union but that is not enough! We must have a strong union with capable qualified leaders who have the temperament to face these wealthy old white men head-on and not be intimidated and not sell out for personal gains! And, you know what, I’ll not apologize for stating the obvious here. I am the right person for this Executive Director position and I ask for your vote to take on Roger Goodell and the NFL front office because I stand with the MEMBERS OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE PLAYERS ASSOCIATION!

The hall erupts in applause and cheering. DeOssie stands silently for three minutes as the players applaud and celebrate their unity in support of a true players’ representative. Finally HRC sits and the crowd settles as DeOssie approaches the microphone.

DeOssie: As I was saying, this is all really a moot point because the fact of the matter is that the board is obligated to take a vote only when the committee cannot reach a unanimous agreement on selecting the candidate. As the board did reach a prompt consensus to renew the contract for Mr Smith to remain as Executive Director, there will be no vote this evening. Ms Clinton will not be considered for the Executive Director position. Mr Smith will lead us through the next round of negotiations with the NFL. And this meeting is, barring any new issues from the committee, adjourned.

 

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

No way is Hillary that focused on substance or charismatic.

Duchess
Member

It’s all about how you read her. See for me I read her part giving a 5-second awkward pause for her lawyer brain to think of a lawyer response to everything thrown at her.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Well done. The NFLPA is weaker than Rand Paul’s pimp hand.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The NFLPA is weaker than John McCain’s brain.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Is that for real that they didn’t even vote? No wonder the NFLPA is so shitty!

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