As I was driving home from Seattle after a sad-assed performance by the Shithawks in losing to the [Redacteds], I was listening to the Raiders – Dolphins game on the radio. As I listened to the announcers describe down after down of Jay Cutler getting knocked down, I thought to myself, “CRASH THE CAR!” As I fought to ignore the voice doctors say just isn’t there, thoughts instead turned to, “Well, this could be interesting DFO content.”

Ron Howard voice: “It was not interesting content.”

So, once the work week started, I began looking into what misery the Dolphins social media had in store for me.

First off, they have the best home page I’ve seen yet

It’s actually a sharp design, and not something that came free with Mike Brown’s free AOL CD. Lower down, they have boxes outlining all their topic streams, and an easily accessible photo gallery of both players & cheerleaders, so both Wakezilla & tWBS have something to look at.

Like most other teams, they do not allow comments on stories on their website, so again I have to rely on Facebook & Twitter to read the mood of the fanbase.

Now, this is the first time in the weeks I’ve been doing this bit that I found the Facebook comments outnumbered the Twitter comments. By a wide margin, actually. My anecdotal conclusion is that old people don’t use Twitter, and the Spanish-speaking population either doesn’t feel welcome at Dolphins games or they have their own ¡Twitter! they prefer to use.

Whatever the reason, the result is a pleasant amount of decorum. And stupidity.

Take the moments right after the loss to the Raiders.

Now, Twitter has opinions,

But nowhere near as many as Facebook:

And as for postgame analysis? The telling difference is in the players pressers. I chose Cam Wake for obvious DFO reasons.

Dolphins Live: Cam Wake meets with the media. https://t.co/q0yCIgljpr

— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) November 6, 2017

Twitter avoids the usual clown show,

but Facebook is surprisingly even more full of love.

It’s like that for every player. Now, once the coach takes the podium,

Dolphins Live: Coach Gase meets with the media https://t.co/LvnMuR5GY6

— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) November 6, 2017

things change quite dramatically. Twitter’s where the hate lives,

but Facebook is where the heart dies.

So, when you take a post reviewing the first half of the season

you get the dichotomy of player support (exceptin’ those COMMIE THUG KNEELERS!11!) and organizational hatred on Facebook,

and almost nothing from Twitter.

These people don’t know what they want. They’re mad at the players, but are fine with the coach. They’re mad at the coach, and are fine with the players. There can be only one solution to this quandary – ladies & gentlemen, your new coach of the 2018 Miami Dolphins,

A 7-9 coach for a 7-9 fanbase.

In conclusion,

I think we’d all be better served.