Well, the World Cup of Lesser Footy’s over. Only four years and four months until Qatar 2022, or for our purposes two years give or take until Euro 2020, taking place in scenic *googles Euro 2020* all over Europe? Seriously? You have to make an entire Eurotrip to go to all the matches? Listen, if I have to sexually assault a horse in Berlin, count me the fuck out.

So anyway back to a summer of baseball until training camps come this month (news is slow, some contract stuff), but hey, tonight’s the Home Run Derby from Nationals Park in DC (8 Eastern, ESPN), with all your favorite sluggers: Mickey Mantle, Hank Aaron, Willie Mays… sorry, that’s the 1960 show. But all your favorite sluggers from this year, like Bryce Harper, and, uh… other people?

The stars are not slugging in the Derby. No JD Martinez, no Mike Trout, no Jerry Joey Gallo, no Aaron Judge or Giancarlo Stanton. Hell, I’m guessing Harper’s there since it’s his park. But maybe due to not wanting to fatigue themselves or whatever, everyone else said no. So we have…

Jesús Aguilar, Bryce Harper, Max Muncy, Alex Bregman, Kyle Schwarber, Javier Baez, Freddie Freeman, and Rhys Hoskins. Okay, I know most of them. Jesús Aguilar nobody knows because he plays for the Brewers and nobody cares, but you might’ve heard of the rest. Schwarber and Baez play for the Small Bears so you might know them from the Sixth (or whichever) Seal being opened, and Bregman’s the third baseman for the Dirt 500s, best known from last year. You might’ve heard of  Rhys Hoskins? He stormed into the league hitting a bunch of homers last August, but he does play for Philly.

Who will win? Don’t know. Will it be any good? Probably. But without the “pop” factor of all the big dudes people are already asking about if it’s broken. 1, it was probably broken from the beginning and we didn’t realize it but it’s 2018 and everything is garbage now, 2, it’s unfortunate that that’s the only event of All-Star Monday. You could make it four people and have two or even one round, best round wins, but that wouldn’t get the ratings! Though then you could have the best arm competition, or a speed competition. Fuck, I’d want to watch Byron Buxton vs. Billy Hamilton rounding the bases. Or Golden Glove, complete with “turn your cap around” once you’ve made one miscue (you get two chances in Golden Glove). Or the complete game of Around the Horn (or Around the Horn Plus)—pitcher to home, step on home, start the clock, to third, to second covered by the second baseman, to first, back to home, then home to second covered by the shortstop, then to the right fielder, back to second, then to center, to third, to left field, left field to home, step on the plate, stop the clock. I’d watch it.

It’s the same thing that happened, or happens, with the Slam Dunk Contest. It ebbs and flows depending on the year. Just means added pressure for Harper to win it (which is why, hot taek here, he won’t).

So… is anything else on?

NBA Summer League Semifinals
Lakers vs. Cavs, 8:30 Eastern, ESPN 2
Blazers vs. Grizzlies, 10:30 Eastern, ESPN 2

Welcome to the dead season, the nadir of the sports calendar. If we make it to the weekend it only gets better from there.

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