2019 [DFO] Banner Tournament: The Saucy 16, Day 2

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

Let’s just run down the rest of the second round results before we get to today’s Saucy 16 action. Of course, the Saucy 16 is sponsored by Senor’s House of Pain: New episodes coming this April!

Fuck, we’ve already gone corporate. Welp, let’s get through these. First the SHAN’KHOR Regional’s results.

1. “Man, I LOVE the old touchdown, tv timeout, kickof [sic], tv timeout routine. Really gets my nipples hard for more hot NFL action when my team sucks, the commissioner is fining someone for special cleats, a star player beat his pregnant girlfriend, my favorite former player blows his fucking brain out due to CTE, and I’m not sure if I can keep supporting this sport. That’s what keeps me going, the excitement of a touchdown and a kickoff broken up by several commercials for dick drugs, cars, and fascism.” beats 9. “I haven’t seen a running back taken this high since Ricky Williams got a ride to the airport.” 21-17

4. “I see they’re honoring Joe Paterno’s 50th anniversary of the first game he coached. To start the game, they will have 40 years worth of moments of silence.” beats 12. “Ok, I’m embarrassed. This whole time I thought ‘calamistrum’ was a thing I was supposed to do for my wife on our anniversary but I was too tired and she was kinda pissed.” 25-12

14. “MLS? Is that like Lou Gehrig’s Disease? I’m glad these people are getting better though, let’s keep hoping for a cure.” beats 6. “Hey England, just like went Dad went out for smokes, the World Cup ain’t coming home.” 18-17

2. “I haven’t seen a khunt debut like this since Traci Lords’s 14th birthday!” beats 7. “For driving through Arizona that quickly, Sheriff Joe Arpaio just asked to see Jimmy Garoppalo’s papers.” 26-10

If that 36th voter in the 2-7 matchup had voted, and voted for the 6 seed, we would have had our first tie of the tournament. So thanks, whoever that was, for making my job slightly easier! Anyway, the BOLTMAN Regional:

9. “‘Punch and Pie’ perfectly encapsulates Johnny Manziel’s philosophy on dating.” beats 16. “THESE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS I CALL THEM ROBERT MULDOON, BECAUSE THEY GOT EATEN ALIVE BY THE RAPTORS.” 27-9

Well, fine, only ONE 16-seed makes it to the Saucy 16.

13. “I haven’t seen a group of Saudis go down in flames like this since 9/11” beats 5. “No problem.… I’m a Bengals fan, Buckeyes fan, and Moderate Republican. I’m used to be taken in the backdoor.” 26-9

3. “Wow, free porn?!?!?!? Are they also giving away a free email address and 40 hours of AOL?” beats 11. “I’ve got Rivers on the bench for FF, which just goes to show you that, like Rivers himself, you should never pull him out.” 18-14

10. “I haven’t been this anxious for a period to start since a broken condom scare junior year of high school.” beats 2. “I’ll take one poster, a beer coozy, a bottle opener, and a pack of HRTN condoms – because nothing says ‘appropriate DFO branding’ like a condom named ‘Hard Ride to Nowhere.’” 22-10

And with that the full remaining field is set. There are a couple people with two entrants left, but nobody has more than two. I don’t know if that is still the case after yesterday’s results, since obviously I don’t know those results while I’m writing today’s posts. But here are the GAMBLOR semis.

GAMBLOR Regional Semifinal

  • 16. “THESE PROVIDENCE FRIARS, I CALL THEM LEX STEELE BECAUSE THEY ARE PUSHING THESE TROJANS TO THE LIMIT!” (52%, 17 Votes)
  • 4. “Man that is messed up, and right after he [Jonathan Martin] shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.” (48%, 16 Votes)

Total Voters: 33

Loading ... Loading …

GAMBLOR Regional Semifinal

  • 2. “‘…the calming effect Tony[ ]Dungy had on the high-strung quarterback.’—If only he had that calming effect on his high strung son.” (52%, 17 Votes)
  • 3. “Kennedys don’t retire, they die in office. Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?” (48%, 16 Votes)

Total Voters: 33

Loading ... Loading …

Does the winner of the region get to take a neon talon? I have no idea! You know what to do!

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Please Login to comment
2 Comment threads
1 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
3 Comment authors
Moose -The End Is Well NighBrettFavresColonoscopynomonkeyfun Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oooh, these are neck and neck.

Are we still doing James Dungy jokes?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hanging by a thread doesn’t really work, even though he was slight of build.

nomonkeyfun

I haven’t seen a Republican get fucked by 9/11, since the Staten Island cop/firefighter who died from 9/11 health issues earlier this week.

/Unfortunately this is an evergreen comment.