The Wednesdayer (S1, E3 – Return of the Wednesdayer)

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I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Tyrel Jackson Williams: Hello folks and we’re back for another episode of The Wednesdayer. We were off last week while I ran some focus group testing in preparation for episode number two and —


Peter King: And a woudey woudey woo!

Williams: Peter, no. I told you that shock jock nonsense is not what tested out. We need you reaching out to the blue collar middle class Americans who work long hours and don’t have time for games. Tell it to them like it is on the issues that relate to them.

King: Well if you think that’s the case then I got just uhh…one….uh…..one thing to uh….say to uh….you about…just one second over here….

Williams: I disabled your sound effects buttons. Now get on with connecting to the hardworking joes.

King: Should have been a toilet flushing sound but TELL ME ABOUT WORKING HARD! I just started full time with NBC this offseason. Now, I had been with NBC on my Sunday Night Football appearances and since those broadcasts always had topnotch catering, I assumed this was the norm at all NBC and NBC affiliates. Boy was I wrong!

Williams: Peter, I don’t think complaining about your Manhattan catering options is exactly relatable.

King: Now just hold on there, Charles.

Williams: Tyrel.

King: Everyone can relate to the bait and switch that comes with setting up a business agreement, Charles. Sometimes employment is a match made is heaven, like the Seahawks reaching an agreement to make the best player in football, Russell Wilson, the highest paid player in the league. Talent is such a subjective venture sometimes and I think Seahawks GM John Schneider deserves a lot of praise for keeping this Seattle team a near-lock for the postseason even as he has had to navigate the egos and contract matters that come with being a Super Bowl champion.

Williams: And so now let’s circle back away from football….

King: Point is, whoever hired those guys to work on that church in Paris — you know, the one that was on fire yesterday — that’s about the worst contract decision made by a Notre-Dame since the Golden Domers brought on Charlie Weiss at the end of 2004. Yeah now, do you get that joke Charles?

Williams: I get it, Peter. Not bad.

King: That’s what it says here on the card. Right here. That’s the wording. I’m trying to do more off the cuff comedy with this project here so I started following this Twitter account about snowing and, I’ll tell ya, that guy is raining down the jokes.

Williams: So tell us more about your expert opinion on the Notre-Dame Cathedral situation.

King: Sure but did you get my raining thing? I know how to read twitter names but I acted like I couldn’t so I could do the weather word play thing. You know, Charles, comedy is an art. And not all art is appreciated.

Williams: Are you speaking of the potential losses of art as a result of the fire?

King: I’m talking about how great a job I’m doing over here and you’re not even taking notice! Look, I don’t need constant validation. I don’t need to insert myself in the middle of every story. I’m just a hard-working, keep-to-myself guy like J.J. Watt. I’m not about focus groups or whatever, I’m just here to talk construction and help people with home improvement projects and stuff. Whoudey woudey woo!

Williams: Fine. What do you have to share this week?

King: AND WE’RE DOING WHOUDEY WOUDEY WOO! IT’S A GREAT CATCH PHRASE! IT’S OUR AARON RODGERS BELT! I ASKED JASON LICHT AND THAT DUDE IS LIKE AN EXPERT ON BRANDING!

Williams: Just — go on.

King: What I’ve been trying to say is, in building a team or building a home, know where to spend the money. Get a solid foundation. Make sure you’re structurally sound. Then go ahead and work around those strength. Russell Wilson doesn’t need an offensive line, maybe that flip you’re making with the high end bathroom finishes doesn’t need new carpet in the laundry room. And so when you’ve got something like a 5,000 year old cathedral that is a huge tourist attraction — and I say this as a Christian man — that’s a Russell Wilson situation where you spend money to get the right guy on the job, not hiring the guy who leaves the jobsite open to terrorist attacks and leaves behind his huffing rags and is all starting fires — you know, like Jim Irsay at the trade deadline. So that’s it. I got to just my second joke card and now I’m done. You happy?

Williams: I can assure you I am not happy right now.

King: AND I WANT MY GOD DAMN TOILET FLUSHING BUTTON WORKING WHEN I GET IN NEXT WEEK!

Williams: So, I guess we’ll see you next time.


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blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Don TblaxabbathGame Time DecisionRikki-Tikki-DeadlyKing Hippo Recent comment authors
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Don T

I want to marry* King’s comparing himself to JJ Watt as a keep to himself guy. [chef’s kiss].

* Well, the aging bachelor’s version of “marry”: date occasionally, hook up weekly, exchange filthy texts daily.

ballsofsteelandfury

PK would spend millions on finishes and decide not a to put rebar in the concrete for the foundation.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I hope Tyrel has PK’s sound effects buttons cross-wired to deliver electric shocks of increasing intensity and duration to PK’s lardass.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What is Peter King’s preferred region to shave?

Game Time Decision

The Goodell region

King Hippo

a taint-based landing strip?

Game Time Decision

so it’s ready for a good Roger-ing