Latest posts by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (see all)
- Request Line: Joy – August 23, 2019
- Why I Won’t Be Watching The NFL This Year: Your 2019 Homeless Raiders Season Preview – August 21, 2019
- Request Line: Poolside – August 16, 2019
INT. ELI’S ROOM – LATE NIGHT
ELI MANNING and DANIEL JONES have returned to ELI’s room. ELI’s cheeks are covered with tomato sauce from the pizza rolls he just scarfed down.
ELI MANNING: Wow, man, I’m pretty stuffed.
DANIEL JONES: [grinds teeth]
ELI: I think maybe I should brush my teeth and then crash.
DANIEL: No, no, no no no. No, don’t do that. You definitely do not want to do that.
ELI: What? Why?
DANIEL: It’s really bad for you to go to sleep when you’re this stoned.
ELI: It is?
DANIEL: Totally, totally. [grabs duffel bag] Here’s we’ll just do a couple of bumps and get you fixed right up.
ELI: More drugs? I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m already kind of freaked out about the ones I already did. What would Coach Shurmur say?
DANIEL: Oh, he knows the deal. You’ve actually joined a pretty illustrious club. All the Giants quarterbacks have done drugs.
ELI: Nuh uh!
DANIEL: Don’t you know your franchise history? It all started with Fran Tarkenton back in 1967. And it’s been basically everybody ever since. Snortin’ Craig Morton…”Snow” Pisarcik…Jeff Hostetler? More like Jeff Horse-tetler.
ELI: What’s “horse”?
DANIEL: That’s heroin, you boy scout. Same with Dave “China” Brown.
ELI: Even Phil Simms?
DANIEL: Ha ha, you mean “Pill” Simms?
ELI: No way.
DANIEL: Oh yeah. Serious Vicodin hound.
ELI: What about Kerry Collins, he didn’t do drugs.
DANIEL: [makes ‘glug glug’ motion] Oh yeah, Kerry Collins was totally straightedge. [points at duffel bag] Why do you think I bought all this stuff? I just wanted to fit in.
DANIEL: Nah, I’m just messing with you. I FUCKING LOVE DRUGS.
DANIEL JONES pulls a meth pipe out of his bag and loads it up.
DANIEL: What do you say, chief? You ready to keep this party going all night long?
Today’s topic is “Up All Night!” We’re looking for songs about staying up into the wee hours of the morning. No limit today, so have at it!