INT. ELI'S ROOM – NIGHT
ELI MANNING and DANIEL JONES are playing Space Harrier II on Eli's Sega Genesis. DANIEL has made it as far as the Zero Polis level, but then grimaces as he gets blasted by a Phantom Samurai. As the game music turns off, the raucous sounds of
EXT. NONDESCRIPT BROWNHOUSE, PARK SLOPE - DAY
A young man carrying a duffel bag climbs up the front steps and hesitates for a second, trying to decide whether to use the large brass knocker or the bell. He eventually presses the bell, and a few moments later...
--- [door flies open] ---
Good afternoon everybody and welcome to New York City...adjacent East Rutherford, New Jersey, for my Hacky Ass™ Roast of the New York Giants. That’s right, we’re doing a roast. Why? Because almost all team previews on comedy sites are roasts at heart, I’m going to cut the bullshit and just start
EXT. A ROADSIDE IN RURAL NEW JERSEY - DAY
CAM NEWTON, ELI MANNING, DOUG MARTIN, and ANTONIO BROWN stand glumly in front of the wreckage of a black pickup truck.
CAM: Okay, so maybe we can't drive...
ANTONIO: Maybe we can call an Uber?
CAM: None of those asshole drivers will accept a pickup from
EXT. RURAL SURROUNDINGS - DAY
We open with a wide shot of a vehicle parked at the edge of a field. An orchestral version of a familiar song plays softly. Cut to a closer shot of the vehicle, then another cut to its interior where we see the NARRATOR (Richard Dreyfus,
As our own ChampagneFellerRoy covered last night, Eli Manning has lost his starting job to Geno Smith. The NFL, much like life in American politics, is clearly a meritocracy, so Eli Manning acted like the trainers his brother assaulted in college and took it on the chin. But apparently some
Welcome to another Tuesday (read: behind schedule) edition of DFO Radio! I got off to a slow start this morning because I was watching the McMaster press conference. I wouldn't have expected so much nervous laughter from a military man, but here we are. I also really liked it that
Just one more week before the regular season starts. I can't believe it's so close...I can practically taste it. Wait, no, that's last week's Request Line, when we took a double dip into the well of Eli, taking on the topic of "fruits". My own weekend was relatively fruit-free, since I
Hey guys, it's Eli again. Thanks for the help on last week's vocab quiz. Coach McAdoo said I did a real good job, so he gave me some more. I didn't want to bother you guys again, so I tried asking my wide receivers - "The Cruise" and "Reuben Randlewich" (ha ha)
Hi everybody! It's Eli. I hope you've been having a good summer. Mine's been pretty good. Anyhow, Coach McAdoo said that he's getting tired of me asking too many questions about things that don't have anything to do with football and that these are things any college graduate should already know,