Request Line: Eli’s Slumber Party Mixtape – Volume 4 (Promises)

INT. ELI’S ROOM – NIGHT

ELI MANNING and DANIEL JONES are playing Space Harrier II on Eli’s Sega Genesis.  DANIEL has made it as far as the Zero Polis level, but then grimaces as he gets blasted by a Phantom Samurai.  As the game music turns off, the raucous sounds of a lively Book Club meeting can be heard from downstairs.

DANIEL JONES: Nuts.  Okay, I’m bored with this.  Let’s play some Altered Beast.  Hey, speaking of Altered Beast, how are you feeling, buddy?

ELI MANNING: Huh?

DANIEL: Ha ha, yeah!  You’re feelin’ it now.  You want another gummy?

ELI: Yeah, candy sounds good.  Actually, you know what?  We got some pizza rolls in the freezer, let’s go get those.

DANIEL: And run the cougar gauntlet?  Sure, let’s do it.

[cut to: INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT]

VIRGINIA HASKEY: …and I just found the whole premise too confusing.  Is the narrator Indian, or is he Canadian?

AMY TRASK: He’s both, you racist old coot!

VIRGINIA: A Canadian who’s also an Indian?  Don’t be ridiculous, Amy, Canadians are just like you and me, they can’t be Indians.

— [door flies open] —

ELI: Mom, we want some pizza rolls.

OLIVIA MANNING: Eli, where are your manners?

ELI: Oh, sorry.  Good evening Mrs. McCaskey, Mrs. Trask, Ashley.

AMY: [eyes him like a piece of meat] Eli, why don’t you come over here so I can pinch those sweet cheeks of yours…

OLIVIA: [frowns]

ELI: Anyways, about those pizza rolls…

[cut to: ELI’S PERSPECTIVE]

OLIVIA: Now Eli, because you have a friend over, you can have those pizza rolls, but we need to talk about your chores.

ELI: Um…

OLIVIA: I see the ship has already sailed on you cleaning your room, but the patio needs to be swept.

ELI: Okay…

OLIVIA: And Fluffernutter’s litterbox needs to be changed.

ELI: Sure.

OLIVIA: And first thing tomorrow we’re going to be quizzing you on the new K-Gun concepts that Coach Shula sent over.

ELI: Right.

DANIEL: Mrs. Manning, would it be all right if I got myself a drink of water?

OLIVIA: Of course, Daniel, help yourself.  Now Eli, you also promised that…

DANIEL JONES slinks off towards the kitchen.

[cut to: INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT]

DANIEL JONES turns around as he realizes someone has followed him into the kitchen.

ASHLEY: [smiling sweetly] Hi Daniel.

DANIEL: [nervously] Um, hi Mrs. Manning.

ASHLEY: I haven’t heard from you in two weeks, Daniel.

DANIEL: Yeah, you see…

ASHLEY: [steps closer to him] Where are my drugs, Daniel?

DANIEL: Listen…you have to understand…for me to get my hands on that much oxy…

ASHLEY: [steps even closer, within arms reach] You seemed very confident that you’d easily be able to attend to my request. So confident, in fact, that you demanded cash up front.

DANIEL: Yeah, about that…

ASHLEY: Are you telling me that you can’t deliver on your promise?

DANIEL: [stammering] It’s just that…you see…[trails off as ASHLEY continues to stare intently at him]

ASHLEY: It’s all right, Daniel.  I understand you tried your best, and you just weren’t able to make the connection that you thought you could.  No hard feelings.  I’ll just get my money back from you, and we’ll just call the whole thing a wash.  How does that sound?

DANIEL: Um…yeah.  That, uh, that sounds fine.

Neither moves for a moment.

ASHLEY: Well?

DANIEL: Huh?

ASHLEY: My money, Daniel.  You were going to give me back my money.

DANIEL: I…don’t have it…

ASHLEY: [takes one more step closer]

DANIEL: …here!  Right now.  It’s, uh, it’s somewhere safe.

ASHLEY: Oh!  Well that’s good, I wouldn’t want anything to happen to it.  New York is a very dangerous city, I’m so glad you’re looking out for the interests of a naive country girl like me.  You will drop by tomorrow afternoon with it, though?

DANIEL: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

ASHLEY: You promise?

DANIEL: You have my word.

ASHLEY: [extends a hand] Shake on it?

DANIEL: [looks at her outstretched hand apprehensively] O…kay…

As DANIEL’S hand touches ASHLEY’S, her fingers move in a complicated way and engage DANIEL in a wrist lock, painful enough that he draws a deep breath and falls to one knee.

ASHLEY: That’s good, Daniel.  I’d hate to think of something bad happening to your throwing hand.  Or your knees, I hear that the NFL is particularly rough on a player’s joints.  Anyhow, you know where to find me.  And don’t forget…you promised!

Today’s theme is: PROMISES!  No limit on picks today, let’s get to it!

 

 

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Please Login to comment
42 Comment threads
21 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
10 Comment authors
theeWeeBabySeamusALXMACRikki-Tikki-DeadlyBrettFavresColonoscopySonOfSpam Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
theeWeeBabySeamus

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Ominous Promise 2: Electric Boogaloo

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

(I know that this is a party foul, but I like this version better)

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She will turn to me and start to cry
And she promises the earth to me
And I believe her

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Life is about getting as many of those warm feelings as you can stockpile

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

And a double.

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Dude.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

Taken?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agonizing for years over promises broken? Why not?

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

For some reason broken promises are all I can seem to call to mind



theeWeeBabySeamus

yeah right

yeah right

One of my favorite bands ever.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Let’s git some Radiohead up in here

SonOfSpam

Also, just wanted to say how much I’m enjoying Eli’s slumber party and can’t wait to see where it goes.

King Hippo

the answer is Virginia’s dusty twat

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It was especially excellent.

comment image

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Oh I’ve been looking for a good excuse to use this song for a long time.

SonOfSpam

Rando girl: “Will I be satisfied?”
Paul Rodgers: “Yeah, guaranteed.”
Jimmy Page: (plays guitar with beer bottle)

King Hippo

fuck it, close enough

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder



If you like 4 min postrock intros

SonOfSpam

Some of the best promises are made in the dark (e.g., Yeah I put a condom on, Of course I love you, There’s no dead girls in the basement)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dropping this one and then ducking out so I don’t get beaten up

SonOfSpam

All the more poignant when you realize she was singing to a small baggie of cocaine.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

There was a very hungover morning when one of my best friends and I went to get pho for breakfast and were the only people in the restaurant while this song BLASTED in the background. I now associate it with a lot of strange things.

King Hippo

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I look forward to RTD’s comment on reading comprehension

SonOfSpam

Be nice to Hippo; #BFIB is losing and he’s out of Darvocet.

King Hippo

Bulgaria lost their early lead, too

King Hippo

oh goddamnit

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This was the second thing that came to mind

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m only mildly ashamed that this is the first song that came to mind

SonOfSpam

When Seamus wakes up he’s gonna be pissed I got to this one first.

SonOfSpam

I’ll just get us started with this obvious pick while Daniel recovers from his wrist injury/boner