Helpful Suggestions For A Better XFL

Hello Vince, I’m writing to you, because I see what you are attempting with the resurrection of your XFL, and I want to help. I know we see the same thing whenever we try to watch an NFL game. Confusion. Rampant pussification. Distractions left and right. I’m sorry, does nobody out

Coach Harbaugh Learns About Retirement

Big 10 coaches Lovie Smith, Pat Fitzgerald, Kirk Ferentz, P.J. Fleck, James Franklin and Jeff Brohm sitting around a table when Jim Harbaugh runs in a dead sprint toward the group. He's carrying a baseball glove and a half emptied gallon of whole milk, his upper lip bleached white. His

Infinite Nets Week Six: On Temper Tantrums

"Just..go back. Pretend the whole thing never happened." When last they met, the Miami Heat had finished off a wire to wire beatdown over the Nets. Last Tuesday however, the story was much different. It's hard to know what to expect out of this squad without Caris LeVert for at least

Infinite Nets Week 5: It’s Wintertime

"The world is so cold" Winter has come. The worthlessly pedantic will tell me that autumn doesn't punch out until the 21st, but that's a dweeb's way of viewing things. The leaves are down and snow has fallen. Thanksgiving isn't until next week, but sometimes Thanksgiving comes after the fall. Similarly, the

The Narrative: Comprehensive Reform

Drive into West Lake, and you won’t see signs of grief. There are no crosses lined up on the side of any county route headed in or out of town. There isn’t an eternal flame burning anywhere. In truth, they appear to sell a wholesomeness that you won’t find outside

Nathan Peterman’s Message To America

Hello folks. This is Nathan Peterman, improbable NFL quarterback, and I'm here to talk about today's election. I know a lot of you have been hearing all about the midterms and what they mean for this great country. And yet statistically speaking, only 40% of American's vote during these midterms.

The Whatsonville Jaguars?, I Don’t Know Them.

INTERIOR, HALLWAY OF A MANHATTAN LUXURUY HIGH RISE BUILDING. Balls (checking address): This is the place. [Knocks on door] Balls: Ian, are you in there? [Door cracks open] Ian: Who is this? What are you doing here? Balls: It’s me. Balls of Steel. I hope I haven’t caught you at a bad time. Ian (flashing a confident