Hey Johnny.

Hey Jimbo. You look different this week.

You like it? New haircut. Wanted to get it a tiny bit shorter, so that I could improve my ultrasonic hearing abilities. Important for planning those off-season nighttime raids.

How right you are, brother of mine. Night vision goggles are for pussies, after all.

Remember that time Dad made us bungee jump the Snake River Canyon? At like 3 AM? God, was that ever fun.

Eh, honestly, it was kinda boring. We didn’t even lose any body parts in the process. Not like the rivalry we’re taking a look at this week…

THE WAR OF JENKINS’ EAR

Combatant 1: The British Empire

Combatant 2: The Spanish Empire

Location of Conflict: West Indies & southern North America

Reason for Conflict: Somebody cut someone’s ear off. Allegedly.

What happened? In the early 18th century, Europe fought the War of Spanish Succession; famed Habsburg king Charles II died without an heir, kicking off 14 years of fighting to prevent French king Philip from uniting Spain and France and destroy the balance of power in Europe.

The war ended in 1713 with the Treaty of Utrecht, which was signed by all parties involved in the war, including France, Spain, the UK, the Netherlands, and the Holy Roman Empire. To end the fighting, Philip, a Bourbon, had to renounce his claim to the French throne in order to take power in Spain, as well as the cession of a number of territories to the other European states. The UK won big in this peace treaty; they got Gibraltar and Minorca, but more importantly, they got a ton of territory in North America – all of the land around Hudson Bay (comprising the vast majority of modern Canada) as well as complete control of Acadia and Newfoundland.

That said, the British Empire being the British Empire, they wanted more. With markets in South America now open to international traders, the UK had ships buzzing, trading goods with colonies of other great European powers. With piracy and the black market running rampant, Spain, in particular, wanted to curb things in order to maximize their profits – and they began boarding ships of all nations looking for would-be lawbreakers.

According to legend, in 1731, British sailor Robert Jenkins had his ship boarded by Spanish privateers, who accused him of smuggling, and severed his ear. While there is evidence of the incident from some newspapers and magazines dated that same year, not much happened until 1738, when Jenkins was invited to Westminster to speak to Parliament as part of a series of firsthand accounts of Spanish aggression against the British – in essence, it was mostly just political gamesmanship. Still, with Parliament thirsting for revenge, the king, George II, eventually had no choice but to capitulate, and in 1739, finally declared war on Spain once again.

This war didn’t even get a name until over a century after the conflict, thanks to the writings of  historian Thomas Carlyle. In reviewing all of the evidence from accounts over the years, there’s much to suggest that not only the meeting with Parliament never happened, but Jenkins actually losing his ear in the first place also never happened. Still, it makes for a great story.

The Aftermath: This was a long, bloody, and protracted war – while the bulk of the conflict took place between 1739-1742, hostilities weren’t formally ended until 1748, after England and Spain both got dragged into the War of Austrian Succession, which once again featured all of the other European powers. All in all, the British suffered 20,000 casualties and over 400 ships destroyed, while the Spanish had 8000 casualties and almost 200 ships lost. In the end, not a lot happened as a result of this war. The Spanish kept the British from expanding their territory in the Caribbean, while also keeping the colony of Georgia from overtaking Spanish Florida; the British also stopped their smuggling industries, and had to return the fortress of Louisbourg, on Cape Breton Island, to France, in exchange for the French returning the Indian port city of Madras. Still, the United Kingdom remained the premier seafaring power of the world, well into the 20th century, and no number of missing ears would change that for a very long time.

Guess that guy had his hair cut a little too close to his ear, eh, Jim?

No such thing as too close. As Dad always says, “pain means you’re alive.” Sucks that they won’t let me use that around my players anymore, but I think that maimings are often character-building, y’know?

Back to the film room, kid brother. Think I’m gonna sit down and try to find a way to get my o-line to carry swords next season.

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Information for this article taken from here, here, here, here and here. Banner image by The Maestro.