Request Line: VisionQuest 2020 (Part 3) – Stick Them With The Pointy End

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – NIGHT

The PRODUCER is splayed out on the couch, drenched in sweat, after having spent the last two hours dancing. 

PRODUCER: [mopping his brow] Wow, that was kind of fun.

DJ 3000: YES, AND IT DID A GOOD JOB KEEPING YOUR METABOLISM ACTIVE.

PRODUCER: Great!  I…hey, why does it smell like a Formula One racetrack in here?

DJ 3000: THAT WOULD BE THE METHANOL EMANATING FROM YOUR PORES.

PRODUCER: Oh.  That’s good, right?

DJ 3000: ABSOLUTELY.  BY MY CALCULATIONS ALL THIS SWEATING WILL HAVE SAVED YOU TWO HOURS WORTH OF ETHANOL TREATMENT.  YOU NEED TO REHYDRATE, THOUGH.

PRODUCER: Again?  All right.

A gentle chiming noise goes off.

DJ 3000: AND IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER DOSE.

The PRODUCER makes a face as he unsteadily gets up to cross the room.  As he is stumbling forward, his foot hooks on part of the homemade marble track he had build weeks earlier. The PRODUCER falls headlong onto the carpet, bumping into an office chair, which rolls towards the homemade still.

PRODUCER: [tone shifted as we slip into slow motion] NOOOOOOOO……..

A full rolling speed, the office chair strikes the still.  The still wobbles for an agonizing moment before toppling over, at which point the main tube flies open and the packing material – broken glass – spills out all over the office floor. 

DJ 3000: [ELECTRONIC SIGH]

PRODUCER: Oh, man.

DJ 3000: WELL, AT LEAST WE KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOU BUSY FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF HOURS.

PRODUCER: I’d better get this picked up.  Wait…what’s happening now?

The PRODUCER looks to the doorway, which has become shrouded in mist.

— [mist flies open] —

RAY LEWIS: Hey there!

PRODUCER: Oh, wow.  Uh, hi Mr. Lewis.  You’re certainly dressed to the nines.

RAY LEWIS: [tugs at the lapels of his tuxedo] Oh, you like?  You see, when I was young, I didn’t have much of a WARDROBE.  So when I because successful, I told myself that I would always LOOK SHARP.  Now it looks like you’ve got some cleaning up to do.  Perhaps I can give you some advice on how best to DO THAT.

PRODUCER: Sure, thanks, that’d be great.

RAY LEWIS: Now first off, let’s make sure nobody’s watching.

RAY LEWIS strides over to DJ 3000 and looks him over. 

DJ 3000: I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING.

RAY LEWIS: Yeah, THAT’S RIGHT!  Now let’s just make sure of that…

RAY LEWIS pulls out a switchblade.  

DJ 3000: [nervously] I’M TELLING YOU, I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING.

RAY LEWIS pulls a roll of electrical tape out of his pocket.  Using the switchblade, he slowly and ominously cuts off a piece.

RAY LEWIS: All right, all right, I hear you.  Let’s just make sure it stays that way…

He takes the piece of tape and uses it to cover DJ 3000’s internal camera.

RAY LEWIS: Now that that’s settled…have you got any gloves?  Cause you definitely don’t want to be cutting yourself on that broken glass and leaving any DNA behind.  You know what DNA stands for?

PRODUCER: Um…

RAY LEWIS: Don’t kNow Anything.  Ha ha!  Get it?

PRODUCER: Uh, yeah.

RAY LEWIS: Why do you sound so nervous?  We’ve got this all under control, everything’s gonna be fine.

He realizes he has been waving the switchblade in the PRODUCER’s face.

RAY LEWIS: Oh, right!  [closes the blade, looks over the expanse of broken glass]  Welp, it looks like we got ourselves quite a bit of work to do here.  But you know what helps the work go a little easier?  Music.  You got any?

Today’s theme is: “Stick Them With the Pointy End”.  We’re looking for songs about THINGS THAT ARE SHARP.  Knives, glass, points, etc.  Anything that cuts. I’ll get us started with a classic from ZZ Top.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn!v3s_0uT” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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Downfield Matriculator
Brocky

Only posting this because I can’t think of anything else

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK9eLe8EQps&app=desktop