INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The PRODUCER is stretched on his side on the floor, dozing. BLAKE BORTLES sits sprawled out on the couch, tossing a stress ball straight up in the air repeatedly.
BLAKE BORTLES: [catching the ball] I don’t know why the hell my idiot receivers make this look so difficult.
DJ 3000: [chimes loudly]
PRODUCER: [muffled] No! No more alcohol!
The room brightens.
BLAKE BORTLES: [sitting up straight] Good news, buddy! That part of things is OVER! We’re on the other side. Now all we’ve got to do is test your vision to make sure your eyes are still in okay shape.
BLAKE BORTLES pulls his cellphone out of his pocket and starts pulling up images to show to the PRODUCER, who is now sitting cross-legged on the floor.
BLAKE BORTLES: Okay, here we go. Who’s this?
PRODUCER: [squinting] I see a man in a red shirt with his arm raised…is that…is that Andy Reid?
BLAKE BORTLES: Good, good! And for bonus points, what’s he doing?
PRODUCER: Flagging down a waittress?
BLAKE BORTLES: Nailed it. Figured I’d start things off easy. Now how about this one?
PRODUCER: [squinting] Is it…Jameis Winston?
BLAKE BORTLES: Great! Now what’s he doing?
PRODUCER: Throwing a touchdown?
BLAKE BORTLES: Yes, but to which team?
PRODUCER: There’s no way of knowing that!
BLAKE BORTLES: [chuckles] Yeah, you’re right.
The room darkens.
BLAKE BORTLES: Now how about this one?
PRODUCER: Huh. Oh, boy. Having a pretty tough time with this one.
BLAKE BORTLES: That’s Erin Andrews, what are you, fuckin’ blind?
PRODUCER: Dude. Seriously?
BLAKE BORTLES: Next one.
PRODUCER: That’s…Ronde Barber.
BLAKE BORTLES: The FUCK? Jesus, dude, that’s Tiki Barber. Goddamn.
PRODUCER: Now listen…
BLAKE BORTLES: Yeah, yeah, I know, they all look the same to you. Fucking racist. One more.
PRODUCER: Rob Ryan?
BLAKE BORTLES: Close enough! Looks like you’re out of the woods. [stands up] All right, man, I gotta jet, I got my realtor to give me the entry code for a property I told him I’m interested in and I want to go bang my side piece in the master bedroom. Take it sleazy, fellas.
DJ 3000: HEY! BEFORE YOU GO, CAN YOU SUPPLY US WITH A THEME FOR TODAY’S REQUEST LINE?
BLAKE BORTLES: Shit, have I gotta do everything around here? Okay, sure. Sleaze.
DJ 3000: SLEAZE?
BLAKE BORTLES: Yeah. Songs about shit that’s sleazy.
DJ 3000: THAT SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY VAGUE TOPIC.
BLAKE BORTLES: Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t have asked me to come up with a topic after you’d already covered every other goddamned topic under the fucking sun.
DJ 3000: WHAT KIND OF SONGS QUALIFY AS SLEAZY?
BLAKE BORTLES: I don’t know, songs about doing sleazy shit. Lying, stealing, you know. Dishonest stuff.
DJ 3000: LIKE CHEATING ON A SPOUSE?
BLAKE BORTLES: Sure, but none of that “Secret Lovers” type bullshit. I’m talking like “I’m the Type of Guy” sort of shit. Tell you what, I’ll give you an example and then I’m gonna hit the road. DJ 3000, cue up some Afghan Whigs.
For the second week in a row, we are getting ABSTRACT. Today’s theme is: Sleaze. Lying? That’s sleazy. Cheating on your significant other? Sleazy. Stealing? Yeah, that’s sleazy. Hitting on underage girls? Oh, you better believe that’s sleazy. MAJOR HINT: this is as close to being a straight up “hair metal” request line as we’ll ever get. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iRL5!x3” (see if you can guess the puzzle song!) and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.
Sleaze from the OC.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc5iTNVEOAg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gweUVWUYYQ8
I feel this is the all-time champion:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-jmPAuC6jE
It’s got the Roy Moore Seal Of Approval.
You could introduce a starting line-up of these songs to this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OJ01psE6wc
Sleazy-ass guitar riff, followed by sleazy white-boy rapping.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgSPaXgAdzE
DOUBLE-SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fWXvB_lDlo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk1oIbpADqk
I used to have the album this was on, it was like a concept album about fucking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-f0hioL6fuo
Desert rats. Yep, sleazy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZrctLnsF4M
Just get to it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAEkxSOkR5s
This one is for my old college roommate, who thought that afternoon sex was crazy kinky:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NUkhMq_iRo
Sure, Trent’s got an Oscar now, but…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTFwQP86BRs
Does attempted cheating count as sleazy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TazHNpt6OTo
Man, the 70s were sleazy.
I was no older than 6, but I did my part with v-necked velour shirts.
Yeah, sleazy little kid.
“Is voyeurism sleazy? Asking for a friend.” – Gym Jordan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6mw8SxAhB8
Good question. He’s gotta wrestle with that for a while.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG6fayQBm9w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKkoxhvAijE
Some sleazy gals mentioned here, and the singer sounds kinda sleazy too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwUotTbF2aw
“When correctly viewed, everything is lewd…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaHDBL7dVgs
Double “dose” — literally:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6qFG0uop9k
And now a triple in tango time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR3VpvkAd0E
I forgot this one during the alliteration theme, but I think it’s pretty appropriate here too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUi_S6YWjZw
An even sleazier Rolling Stone.
On 2 June 1989, aged 52, Wyman married 18 year-old Mandy Smith, whom he had been seeing since she was 13 and he was 47 years old.
Gay dudes can also be sleazy apparently!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrRmgbchiGY
Dammit, you made me go back to the Zappa well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1eQooBq10k
Boy you could do an entire playlist with Zappa alone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFTLX4VxTc0
Yeah, it’s almost like cheating. More Sleazy Zappa downthread…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idx3GSL2KWs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTMgX1PDGAE
“I can honestly say I don’t remember doing *any* of the things you are accusing me of.” – Trent Green
“Sure, I acted in adult films before my career in architecture, but…”
-Trent Green
Brilliant song.
Slightly less sleazy version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwN9dSW4280
Sampling the hooker from Full Metal Jacket was genius. And sleazy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYqSgWFgGxM
In addition to being a rolling stone, Papa was also a sleazy motherfucker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJV2pWFyfn4
There was at least one even sleazier Rolling Stone, the bassist Bill Wyman. Again, Wiki:
On 2 June 1989, aged 52, Wyman married 18 year-old Mandy Smith, whom he had been seeing since she was 13 and he was 47 years old.
Do “cocaine kisses and moonshine misses” count as sleazy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvPT0f8NtDA
“I stole my sister’s boyfriend.
It was all whirlwind, heat and flash
Within a week we killed my parents and hit the road.”
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbBT0dftZKA
Pedo Sting. It doesn’t help that you name drop Nabokov. Lolita was sleazy, too, but there’s no video on Youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIZofPB8ZM
DOUBLE SHOT
Now he’s stalkin her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzs
“Josie’s on a vacation far away…”
“You know I like my girls a little bit older…”
Jesus, yeah, this guy’s a sleazebag.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcZFpkHEhLA
It is Charlie Blackmon’s walk up song, so yup!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24mqb-IAHfo
Double sleaze:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4-pexSVWzM
Bon Scott was so wonderfully sleazy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPlqLHcphyw
Did 12 year old SonOfSpam buy this record specifically for this song, and still laughs like an idiot whenever he hears it?
Yes.
Brian Johnson was the appropriate guy to replace Bon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjYjjLJtGpo
Pairs nicely with La Grange down below, heading for Boy’s Town in Ciudad Acuna.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqwpLVrmokY
I knew a guy in college named, I kid you not, Chad who was from Fort Wayne and was like a sleazier imbodiment of Scumbag Steve. He was a raver, and would always play this song because he thought it would get the girls all fired up and I think it had them running for the exits instead. He was the WOOOOOORRRRSSSTTTT (but he could get drugs so he was tolerated).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcbZUmLlNEo
Of COURSE his name was Chad. It’s science.
If you don’t feel like listening, it starts with a woman singing “DARLING, COME HERE, AND FUCK ME UP THE” with an abrupt cut to cheesy ’90s electronica mixed with female moans and laughter. Yeah, great.
Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind? Yeah, that’s sleazy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR2JtsVumFA
The reality was a bit skeevy, too. From Wiki:
When Doug Fieger was 25 years old, he met 17-year-old Sharona Alperin,[5] who inspired a two-month-long run of songwriting, as well as becoming his girlfriend for the next four years.
“I’m the type of guy that says “the puddin’ is delicious!” – Andy Reid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZlxvn_jWgM
LL’s sleaze is underated.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvfi8XtSSiE
That version is terrible. I miss the edit button.
Post the one you want below here; I’ll edit it back in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84LUpG6ieis
Kinda sleazy, but more important, RIP to the drummer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EbiRRpaYB4
I guess having the word sleazy in the title gets extra credit? Pre-internet wanking?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kaCWb6WbfI
Prince could be quite sleazy pre Watchtower.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8oxXkUjYHg
NO SHIT!
—Tipper Gore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hzVpYAP-U
Two for Twosday on Friday. Zappa is the mother lode of sleaze, even though he’s just being tongue in cheek. It’s not even fair, so I am going to abandon that particular mine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NOFTbbJ3vA
Vintage Pedo=sleazy.
You’re sixteen, you’re beautiful, and I’m Epstein.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ainB6qnWBI
Epstein thinks 16 is pretty old unless she has not “blossomed” yet.
Well turn around bitch I got a use for you
Sleazy? Borderline.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMbl1ntpIXQ
DOUBLE SHOT
Nightrain? Drinkin sleazily.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMDljoM5JFI
If it rhymes with “sleazy” I think it’s a pretty good choice.
Chicks can also be sleazy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wv-34w8kGPM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2LQMElLoLs
OB double shot
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzTc951olYE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKjgf5mBGoQ
Name was Russell.
Visiting a whorehouse? Yeah, sleazy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s81_Zvt0C8A
AH HOW HOW HOW is somehow the sleaziest lyric in this thread.
I logged oil wells in La Grange back in the day, and actually drove by the old Chicken Ranch. There’s a structural engineer that works for me and she’s from La Grange, every time she mentions her home town I get to go A HOW HOW HOW HOW, usually followed up with a A HMM HMM HMM HMM. She just rolls her eyes, I think she looks upon be as an uncle she has to tolerate.
It doesn’t get a whole lot sleazier than Pearl Necklace, speaking of ZZ Top. But you’ll just have to imagine it, because we all know videos ain’t happening from me!
There has to be at least one Motley Crue song in this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2XdmyBtCRQ
Ladies and gentlemen, the puzzle song has been solved!
Much quicker than usual!
(sadly) Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? I do…..
Wanting to bang your teacher (or actually succeeding) is pretty sleazy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M4_Ommfvv0
Then you’re suggesting every teenage boy ever is sleazy.
Accurate.
Yeah; DUH…… unless they are getting near retirement, then it could be a bit odd.
Songs about underage girls are sleazy as fuck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlN3oEjMpUQ
I just had the same thought.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EBvXpjudf8
Triple shot (Libertarian Theme Songs)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aWhn0Hc8ps
Also, I never believed Suzie. She was getting railed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1fImXAeS-s
AC/DC can help with that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIE4UjBtx-o
Sure, sounds good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cvEVivHVsU
How about one from the Godfather of Sleaze himself?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxX18WZ6Glw
Yeah, baby. LET’S GET SLEAZY!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F93ywiGMDnQ