Request Line: VisionQuest 2020 (Part 7) – Taking it Sleazy

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER is stretched on his side on the floor, dozing.  BLAKE BORTLES sits sprawled out on the couch, tossing a stress ball straight up in the air repeatedly.

BLAKE BORTLES: [catching the ball] I don’t know why the hell my idiot receivers make this look so difficult.

DJ 3000: [chimes loudly]

PRODUCER: [muffled] No!  No more alcohol!

The room brightens.

BLAKE BORTLES: [sitting up straight] Good news, buddy!  That part of things is OVER!  We’re on the other side.  Now all we’ve got to do is test your vision to make sure your eyes are still in okay shape.

BLAKE BORTLES pulls his cellphone out of his pocket and starts pulling up images to show to the PRODUCER, who is now sitting cross-legged on the floor.

BLAKE BORTLES: Okay, here we go.  Who’s this?

PRODUCER: [squinting] I see a man in a red shirt with his arm raised…is that…is that Andy Reid?

BLAKE BORTLES: Good, good!  And for bonus points, what’s he doing?

PRODUCER: Flagging down a waittress?

BLAKE BORTLES: Nailed it.  Figured I’d start things off easy.  Now how about this one?

PRODUCER: [squinting] Is it…Jameis Winston?

BLAKE BORTLES: Great!  Now what’s he doing?

PRODUCER: Throwing a touchdown?

BLAKE BORTLES: Yes, but to which team?

PRODUCER: There’s no way of knowing that!

BLAKE BORTLES: [chuckles] Yeah, you’re right.

The room darkens.

BLAKE BORTLES: Now how about this one?

PRODUCER: Huh.  Oh, boy.  Having a pretty tough time with this one.

BLAKE BORTLES: That’s Erin Andrews, what are you, fuckin’ blind?

PRODUCER: Dude.  Seriously?

BLAKE BORTLES: Next one.

PRODUCER: That’s…Ronde Barber.

BLAKE BORTLES: The FUCK?  Jesus, dude, that’s Tiki Barber.  Goddamn.

PRODUCER: Now listen…

BLAKE BORTLES: Yeah, yeah, I know, they all look the same to you.  Fucking racist.  One more.

PRODUCER: Rob Ryan?

BLAKE BORTLES: Close enough!  Looks like you’re out of the woods.  [stands up] All right, man, I gotta jet, I got my realtor to give me the entry code for a property I told him I’m interested in and I want to go bang my side piece in the master bedroom. Take it sleazy, fellas.

DJ 3000: HEY! BEFORE YOU GO, CAN YOU SUPPLY US WITH A THEME FOR TODAY’S REQUEST LINE?

BLAKE BORTLES: Shit, have I gotta do everything around here?  Okay, sure.  Sleaze.

DJ 3000: SLEAZE?

BLAKE BORTLES: Yeah.  Songs about shit that’s sleazy.

DJ 3000: THAT SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY VAGUE TOPIC.

BLAKE BORTLES: Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t have asked me to come up with a topic after you’d already covered every other goddamned topic under the fucking sun.

DJ 3000: WHAT KIND OF SONGS QUALIFY AS SLEAZY?

BLAKE BORTLES: I don’t know, songs about doing sleazy shit.  Lying, stealing, you know.  Dishonest stuff.

DJ 3000: LIKE CHEATING ON A SPOUSE?

BLAKE BORTLES: Sure, but none of that “Secret Lovers” type bullshit.  I’m talking like “I’m the Type of Guy” sort of shit.  Tell you what, I’ll give you an example and then I’m gonna hit the road.  DJ 3000, cue up some Afghan Whigs.

For the second week in a row, we are getting ABSTRACT.  Today’s theme is: Sleaze.  Lying? That’s sleazy.  Cheating on your significant other? Sleazy.  Stealing? Yeah, that’s sleazy.  Hitting on underage girls? Oh, you better believe that’s sleazy. MAJOR HINT: this is as close to being a straight up “hair metal” request line as we’ll ever get.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iRL5!x3” (see if you can guess the puzzle song!) and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.