Stupor Wild Card Weekend was a picnic for the winners, even for the Bengals if you discount their own jitters. Honestly: the Raiders merely hung on, threatening in theory, until the final drive.
Now? Uf. The Big Boy Round beckons, and Imma get presumptuous and declare that none of the fans of the eight remaining teams are confident.
The Qaron Packers have been memorable playoff chokers. That last Jints Owl winner had no business defeating Green Bay (15-1!) in frigid weather (!!) in the 2011 Divisionals. The Pack @ C-Hox 2014 NFC Championship was a legendary coaching meltdown. (Personal theory: when #28-3 became the choking benchmark, Mike McCarthy became employable, even by the NGc-P.) And of course: the Kaep Niners sucked, digested, and excreted the soul of Green Bay for several years. Fortunately for The Pack, on Saturday Devante Adams will face this secondary:
Via inverse.com.
Buffalo produced and directed the definitive Bill Belichick snuff film. Ass kicking, curb stomping, no cliché captures last Saturday’s Pat pulverization. Coach McDermott and the Josh Allen Bills ensured that the Narrative Bowl will NOT happen. The State Farm Bowl, howevA, is still in play—so I’m rooting for the Bills in this one. Hmm.
[Inhales, contemplates the Cosmos, coughs out medicinal smoke]
BUF @ KC has a strong Anything Can Happen vibe. I’m thinking 17-13 grindout, but my heart is screaming foar a double 50-burger, like that Chefs – RAMMMITT!!! MNF game a coupla years ago. I dunno.
This weekend… Man. This is my current state
NFL NEWS
- When Crimebeat! Met #Distraction. Last night, Chefs’ LB Willie Gay was arrested for criminal property damage. He spent the night in the pokey, pled not guilty, and is out. Allegedly, he was visiting his son and broke stuff belonging to the child’s mother: “A police report estimated the total property damage at $225 for a vacuum cleaner, cellphone screen protector, humidifier and damage to a wall and door frame”, per espen. Doing the quick algebra, that cellphone screen protector must have set the damages over $200.
I found notable that Gay spent the night in the pokey, but the charge is a “Class B-nonperson misdemeanor”, with a hearing in March 2. To me, it’s puzzling that going into your 3 year-old son’s home, and breaking his mamma’s stuff during visitation, does not lead to child endangerment or graver domestic violence charges. Not judging this, just making two observations.
Full disclosure: I don’t hate the NFL for suspending Ben for sex assault allegations, a suspension set and then reduced. My bile remains reserved for the district attorneys who didn’t pursue a criminal process against the future HOF.
- Randall Cobb should play for the Packers on Saturday. I would have more to add, but Brooksfilms Ltd. threatened to sue DFO for posting a “MY BLANKET. MY LITTLE BLANKET. GIVE ME BACK MY BLANKIE” gif.
No word yet from the Gene Wilder estate. God damn what a mensch.
- The NFL filed a motion to dismiss Jon Gruden’s lawsuit. Chucky is suing because, allegedly, the NFL got him fired.
For leaking racist and sexist emails.
That Gruden wrote and sent.
Gotta say: representing the NFL in that suit is the pinnacle of Paid Grandstanding. Just imagine billing money for the time spent mulling about the best way to say, and turn into legalese, the following: “Mr. Gruden could not be expected to be part of the NFL family of inclusion in light of his racist invective, on email, about our most valued partner: the head of the NFLPA, Mr. DeMaurice Smi—”
Even I cannot get through that without convulsing. Kudos to the level-headed heroes: lawyers.
- Bruce Arians was caught on tape hitting his player, S Andrew Adams, and the NFL fined Arians for $50,000.00. I am sure AB already said something about it, and there are surely context-specific nuances—but I ain’t gonna let NOTHING get into my elemental hatred of a manager hitting an employee in the workplace. You just do not do that. Fuck you, Bruce Arians. Any goodwill I had for the Bucs is gone. RAMMITT RAMMMITTT!!!
- Per espen: Bengals DE Trey Hendrickson suffered a concussion against the Raiders, but has been cleared to play in Tennessee on Saturday. This is the perfect occasion to consider that NFL players are human beings. It is a disgrace that there are doctors and managers willing to put a player, in the prime of youth, at risk of utterly losing his senses. “[T]he most rapid recovery from a concussion occurs in the first 1-3 months and most people are back to normal by 6 months”—it’s all there on page 4 of “Recovering from a Concussion”, from the Concussion Clinic of Burwood Hospital.
What callousness by Cincinnati It just happens that Hendrickson is the only Bengal who can ably qualify as a “pass rusher”: 0.88 sacks per game, 1.7 QB hits per. When Hendrickson came out of the Raiders game last week, David Carr had less pressure than Republican congressfolk. Trey Hendrickson should not play. I am disgusted. Let there be no more talk of quote-unquote player safety—what hypocrisy—in light of the travesty of glory brought about by the utter banality of a “W”. For shame!
- Derrick Henry fractured his foot on Halloween, got a steel plate put in, has been practicing since Week 18, and will be activated for the Bengals game. Allow me to add:
SPROTS TONITE
All times Central, listings by espen, schedule times by substracting 2:
Pelicans @ Knicks – 6:30
Suns @ Mavs – 6:30
Pacers @ Warriors – 9:00
Heh. We all know at least one who has.
What do you mean “Soberly?”? Psht. Scrutinize your acquaintances—really!
Capitals @ Bruins – 6:00 PM
Stars @ Pegulas – 6:00 PM
Blue Jackets @ Flyera – 6:00 PM
Sens @ Pens – 6:00 PM
Jets @ Predators – 7:00 PM
Panthers @ Oilers – 8:00 PM
Avalanche @ Kings – 8:30 PM
Canadiens @ Golden Knights – 9:00 PM
Sharks @ Karens – 9:00 PM
Purdue @ Indiana – 6:00
Belmont @ Morehead – 6:00
USC @ Fuck Them Up, Fuck Them Up, Go CU! – 6:30
UConn @ Butler – 8:00 PM
Arizona @ The Tree – 10:00
UCLA Q@@ Utah – 10:00
San Francisco @ Gonzaga – 10:00
Honor the name, San Francisco. Go nuts in the comments.
