Here’s my recreational stockpile of Percocet and Tramadol, amassed by not taking my full prescribed dosage. It gets bigger every day.

I “just say no to drugs” during the week, and then I take fistfuls of them on the weekend. This means:

1. The pills are all lawfully prescribed to me;
2. I still take less than the aggregate weekly dosage;
3. It’s not exactly habit-forming if I take them once a week.
4. They’re not as good as the now extinct Percodan but I manage;
5. I still have a surplus to sell to neighborhood school children;
6. My favorite drug is still 51mg cherry flavored baby aspirin (1 a day);