EXT. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS SHARED HOUSE – DAY

Establishing shot and title card.

ANNOUNCER BETH MOWINS: The Raidders Family [sic] is filmed in front of a drive Julio [sic] audience.

CUT TO – INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

HUNTER RENFROW and KOLTON MILLER are seated on the couch.  HUNTER RENFROW, whose left leg is extended straight in a cast and rests on the coffee table, is holding the television remote, using it to add emphasis to the wild gestures he is making as he pontificates to KOLTON MILLER, who is holding a big bag of Buck Wild Nashville Hot Style Snack Mix. The music of The Jealous Sound can be heard from down the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. JOSH JACOBS is sitting quietly in an armchair by the window, reading the latest issue of The Economist.

HUNTER RENFROW: …and then Bee-Two settles back down in his charging port, and that’s the end.

KOLTON MILLER: Wow. Andor sounds like a really good series.

HUNTER: Oh, Kolton, that’s just the first episode!  You gotta watch it with me, I’m starting another rewatch tonight.

KOLTON: Won’t that be your third time in a row?

HUNTER: In a row? Ha ha ha ha, no, don’t be ridiculous.  I watched Arcane: League of Legends in between.

KOLTON MILLER glances at the kitchen counter, where two more big bags of Buck Wild Nashville Hot Style Snack Mix await.

KOLTON: Okay, let’s do it.  Maybe we can even get Derek to…

DEREK CARR: (from behind a closed door down the hallway): GO AWAY!

HUNTER: Guess not.  Well maybe we can get Johnathan Abram to call in from…[glances offscreen for a moment]…Seattle.

KOLTON: I hope he’s happy there.

HUNTER: Yeah, it’s a shame we never got to say goodbye. But he’ll be…

— [door flies open] —

JOSH McDANIELS: Goddamn it, Hunter, Kolton, what are you two doing out here?

KOLTON: Where else would we be, Coach?

JOSH McDANIELS: I don’t know, in your rooms, studying your playbooks, like I told you to?

HUNTER: About that, Coach.  That new notation that you’re using…

JOSH McDANIELS glares at him, tapping his foot impatiently. HUNTER RENFROW pauses nervously, then swallows and continues.

HUNTER: …I mean, I’m pretty good with languages, I’m practically fluent in High Valyrian by now, but these Korean symbols you’re using instead of Latin characters…it’s a bit confusing.

JOSH McDANIELS: [sighs loudly] What exactly is it that you don’t understand, Hunter.

HUNTER: Well…all of it.

KOLTON: I don’t understand any of it either, coach.

JOSH McDANIELS: For God’s sake, you two, it could not be more simple.

HUNTER: None of us can read the Hangul alphabet, coach.

JOSH McDANIELS: That. Shouldn’t. Matter.  Ugh.  I swear to God, teaching you imbeciles the basics of a simple Arachnid-2-4-Cross-Reverse-Cloud-7-Z-Undercut-Square-G-X-K-Blue-Omaha route tree stem is like trying to teach algebra to an iguana.

HUNTER: Maybe you could make it more fun, somehow? I find if there’s a chore I really need Kolton’s help with it goes a lot better if I make some kind of game out of it.

KOLTON: Yeah! [pauses as a lightbulb goes on] Hey, wait, you’ve been tricking me into doing chores by telling me we’re playing a game?

JOSH McDANIELS: [ignores him] I feel like I’m going to have to go even simpler than that.  The first thing we need to do is to learn how to WIN. There’s gotta be some game we can play where everyone wins.

KOLTON: How about a game of My Friend Maxx?

HUNTER: That’s not really a game, it’s more of a puzzle.

JOSH McDANIELS: I’m good at puzzles, how does this one work?

KOLTON: Well, you see…

HUNTER: No, don’t tell him, let’s just play. Okay, so I’ve got a friend named Maxx. He likes certain things but he doesn’t like other things. For example, he likes Red Bull.

JOSH McDANIELS: Yes, yes, we know that Maxx Crosby likes energy drinks.

HUNTER: Not all energy drinks, though. My Friend Maxx doesn’t like Monster.

JOSH McDANIELS: Huh?

KOLTON: Or Rockstar, he can’t stand Rockstar.

JOSH McDANIELS: Wait.

HUNTER: My Friend Maxx loves Full Throttle, though.

KOLTON: Yeah, he can’t get enough of that stuff. It’s his favorite.

JOSH McDANIELS: I don’t understand.

HUNTER: [holding out a pencil and paper] Maybe it would help if you wrote it down.

JOSH McDANIELS: I don’t need to fucking write it down.  I’m not an idiot.  What else does he like?

KOLTON: Well, My Friend Maxx has certain people that he likes.  He doesn’t like everybody, just certain people.

JOSH McDANIELS: Does he like you?

KOLTON: Yeah, he likes me.

HUNTER: My Friend Maxx likes everyone in Kolton Miller’s family, actually.

JOSH McDANIELS: The fuck? How does he even know anybody in your family?

HUNTER: He doesn’t like Josh Jacobs, though. Or Davante Adams.

JOSH McDANIELS: Wait…are you saying that Maxx Crosby is racist?

KOLTON: What? No!

JOSH JACOBS: [looks up from his magazine, shakes his head sadly] My Friend Maxx and Maxx Crosby are not the same person, coach.

JOSH McDANIELS: Does your friend Maxx like me?

HUNTER: No he does not.

JOSH McDANIELS: Is it because I told him that he’s a stupid idiot who…

HUNTER: No, no, it has nothing to do with that. There haven’t been many Raiders coaches that he liked.  He didn’t like Jon Gruden.

KOLTON: Or Jack Del Rio, he wasn’t a fan of his.

HUNTER: Or Tony Sparano.

KOLTON: Or Hue Jackson.

HUNTER: My Friend Maxx did like John Madden, though.

KOLTON: And Coach Bisaccia!

KOLTON: Yeah but everybody liked Coach Rich.

JOSH McDANIELS: For the last fucking time, stop telling me that. I get it, all right? I’m not as popular as a fucking special teams coach that nobody even bothered to interview for a head coaching job after Mark Davis cut him loose. Fine, whatever, you guys liked him and he led you to a few wins. I don’t care.

HUNTER: You know who was My Friend Maxx’s favorite Raider coach of all time was, though?

JOSH McDANIELS: Who’s that?

HUNTER: Dennis Allen.

JOSH McDANIELS: Dennis Allen? But he sucked! What, is your friend Maxx a big fan of stupid fucking morons who piss away wins?

KOLTON: [looking upwards as he parses the words]…stupid fucking morons who piss…yes, actually, he is.

JOSH McDANIELS: [becoming increasingly angry] Oh did he enjoy it when his buddy Clelin Ferrell jumped offsides when the Rams were throwing up the white flag and punting? Huh?

HUNTER: He really likes Ferrell a lot, so…

JOSH McDANIELS: [turning a Shanahanesque shade of red] And did he like it when Jerry Tillery stopped a running clock and gave fifteen yards away because he’s dumber than the dogshit that I stepped on in the yard when I was walking up to the front door of this fucking shithole house?

HUNTER: I mean he really likes Jerry Tillery too…

JOSH McDANIELS: [getting into Hunter’s face] JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE FUCKING DRAFT SO I CAN CUT SOME OF YOU DEADBEAT LOSERS AND GET SOME GODDAMNED WINNERS IN HERE! I SWEAR TO GOD APRIL CANNOT GET HERE SOON ENOUGH.

KOLTON: Actually, Coach…

JOSH McDANIELS: [turns on him] WHAT? WHAT, YOU STUPID LUMP OF STARCH-ABSORBING MEAT-FOR-BRAINS? WHAT?

KOLTON: My Friend Maxx likes winners, too.

— [fin] —