Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone [in bed].
Rose Kennedy

So you’ll get to relive this stuff again and again in dreams.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Let’s not forget the MVP, pork butt.

Horatio Cornblower

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Every once in a while I will come across a sex scene in a hay loft, or otherwise involving naked people placing their bare skin on hay. These people are crazy, deluded, or ignorant. Hay is incredibly unpleasant, it is itchy, dusty, and prickly. Most people I know who handle hay on a regular basis prefer to wear long sleeves and gloves in the middle of a heat wave to exposing skin to hay. It’s awful stuff and if you ever have the opportunity to have sex in hay, RUN
Doktor Zymm

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I am going to miss these [warhammer posts].

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“They’re people, football players, not game pieces, Mr. Snyder.”
LemonJello

It’s so delightful that Snyder’s favorite toy was taken away from him and he will never, ever get it back.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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These were awesome! Thanks for the primer on the Warhammer Universe.
LemonJello

You are welcome, maybe by the next off season I will have finally started to paint my figures and can post pics.
ArmedandHammered

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“Jeez, life is too busy. I don’t know if I’ll have time to write the Bengals preview.”

COVID: “Don’t worry, Redshirt. I’ll give you all the time you need.”
Redshirt

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BeefReeferLives

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I feel like Gumby buying tickets to The Cult instead of The Cure is going to be the Buttfumble of DFO.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I’m going to bed, chuckleheads!

Gumbygirl

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Still can’t find The Cure/Cult…
ballsofsteelandfury

The cure for the cult is basic literacy, right Gumby?
scotchnaut

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32 comments and nothing about the large amount of Pineapple juice. You guys have changed, I would say matured but that isn’t it.
litre_cola

So are you saying the name of this drink should be the:

BeefReeferLives

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I opened Chrome today to get the alert that they’re going to offer new features to let me help personalize the advertisements I see.

I’m like, DFO ain’t got no ads!
blaxabbath

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The day started with a text from my soon to be taking over my job guy saying “I’m sick and sorry for the late notice but I can’t make it.”
This was instantaneously followed up by my day shift lead, my Number 1, saying I just got hit on my bike and I’m going to the hospital.

It was crazier than that. Number one, rides a motorcycle on the LA freeways and he’s already old enough to retire. Plus the text was a talk to text that didn’t even sound like him.

He called hours later and he rear ended a car that panicked stopped in front of him at full speed while he was driving to work on the 105.

He’s busted up but he called me and he’s got broken ribs, dislocated elbow and that’s all I got because the phone connection was fucked. He did say that there was a car behind him that swerved or he would have been run over.

Motherfucker is 65 and should be retired and he’s still riding to work on a bike?

Shit, I’m driving an armored tank if I’m that close to retirement.

He’ll be ok. Tomorrow is gonna hurt like a bastard.

Put a lot of things in perspective.

I ran the shop solo for 11 hours.

Glad he’s OK.
yeah right

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Wife and i are like, “… mmmmmaybe we’ll just look around at maybe other places since Maui caught fire.”

…5 mins pass….

Wife: There a law for Americans buying property to Canada? I’m looking up north where there is water. Where are you looking?

Me: Oh. I’m just looking at the neighboring islands.
blaxabbath

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Along with “serving size: 9 chips,” “test smoke detector weekly” might be the least followed instructions in the universe.
herodotus450

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[raises a glass of…tequila seems appropriate…to the memory of Abuela Weaselo]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Sorry for your loss. That’s exactly why I was extra pissed when a coworker was being lackadaisical with his Covid exposure (went to work with symptoms, not wearing a mask even when taking the test, thought boss was joking when he was told to GTFO).

I get COVID, I spend one week in my room watching TV. My dad with ALS gets COVID, his progrosis of “couple of years” gets changed to “couple of months”.

Not to mention that with me on the DL, my elderly mother has to take sole care of him, plus every time I hear him call or hear what sounds like him falling, I take a step before stopping and remembering “Oh, yeah. I can’t go out there. I could kill them.”
Redshirt

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Apparently, AI is not waiting until Skynet is fully implemented to start killing all humans.

“A New Zealand supermarket experimenting with using AI to generate meal plans has seen its app produce some unusual dishes.
One recipe it dubbed “aromatic water mix” would create chlorine gas. The bot recommends the recipe as “the perfect nonalcoholic beverage to quench your thirst and refresh your senses”. “Serve chilled and enjoy the refreshing fragrance,” it says, but does not note that inhaling chlorine gas can cause lung damage or death.

New Zealand political commentator Liam Hehir posted the “recipe” to Twitter, prompting other New Zealanders to experiment and share their results to social media. Recommendations included a bleach “fresh breath” mocktail, ant-poison and glue sandwiches, “bleach-infused rice surprise” and “methanol bliss” – a kind of turpentine-flavoured french toast.”
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/aug/10/pak-n-save-savey-meal-bot-ai-app-malfunction-recipes

Bender would be proud….

BeefReeferLives

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A Puerto Rican writing about Canadian football? What’s next, an Irishman writing about how to properly season food?

This place used to have standards.*

*That’s not true. We’ve never had standards. Or pants.
Horatio Cornblower

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Alex Karras tried to warn us about those 1976 Raiders. We didn’t listen. Oh god, WHY DIDN’T WE LISTEN!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Brick Meathook

This is Chasen’s Chili
Brick Meathook

Huh. I was thinking this was Gumby’s ingredients for a PB&J sandwich.
scotchnaut

It’s his cult for the common cold.
SonOfSpam

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I’m still working and watching baseball instead of pre-season football.

I regret one of these decisions.
Horatio Cornblower

Wearing pants is always regretful.
WCS

Oh I’m not wearing pants.
Horatio Cornblower

/Cornblower household

Lowratio: [running around yelling, wearing Horatio’s pants on his head]

Horatio: “Would you calm down? I’m trying to work!”

Lowratio: “Maybe you should calm down. I’m trying to twerk!”

Horatio: [to himself] Damn, he’s always good with the comebacks
scotchnaut

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I’ve seen paint dry more exciting than this game.
JimU

[welcomes JimU back to the clubhouse by tossing him a can of Bud Light]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(behind DFO Pandemic Isolation Ward)

“Welcome back!”
Redshirt

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All part of God’s great plan:

BeefReeferLives

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“Redshirt’s Existential Calf Issues”

Plantar Fasciitis isn’t something to laugh at, Ayo!
Redshirt

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I’m off to go for a long walk that will end up in St. Kilda, I’ll let you know if they still talk about LitreCola.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I saw “Are you still using your hands?” on muted TV screen, thought NFLN was running a fleshlight ad for a second!
King Hippo

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Son had a buddy bail on him after promising to help him move to a place 7/8 hours away for school. I stepped in and I await my induction into the Dad Hall of Fame.

-the sweltering elevator

-the sweltering apartment

-the multiple items that didn’t fit in the elevator and had to be hauled up the stairs

-the endless driving

The vast majority of dads would do this without thinking twice but I’m a selfish piece of crap so I really went above and beyond. Once again, where’s my golden bust?
scotchnaut

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Trying to get Wifey to indicate what she would like for dinner…

Spoiler alert… It will be something, anything that I make…

2Pack

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OK assdicks, I’m off to Fenway Park to make bad dietary decisions and root for the Tigers.

No one do anything stupid until I get back.
Horatio Cornblower

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… gotta say, while Hippo’s eloquent post is nice and all, he could’ve just distilled it into a single, simple sentence. “Oy, Arseholes, stock up on beer and say goodbye to your families ’cause PROPER FOOTIE IS BACK!”
bk109

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I see the Falcons beat the Jets 21-3 tod…

Hold on, I’m being told that Braves beats the Mets 21-3 today. Good god.
Horatio Cornblower

In their defense, if Atlanta had scored seven more runs, the Mets would be guaranteed to win it in the bottom of the 9th.
Redshirt

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So why are the Chargers “LAC” but the Rams are just “LA”?
Redshirt

Lack of tenant’s rights
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Alright.

/crosses leg, sips beer

I’ve told some hard and ugly taxi stories from my younger days.

Isn’t it time for a good story?

This is a Balls post so I’ve got that going for me.

My second cab driving stint was in San Diego and I was a busy motherfucker on Friday and Saturday nights.

There was this totally nude, non alcohol bar called Les Girls?
Sexy right?

Dudes get in my cab and ask to go to Les’s Girls.

A’ight, I know the way.
Anyway.
I do this shit 5-6 times and I realize…
I’m gonna give them my business card and asked them to tell the people inside that I brought them here.

Long story short: eventually it turned out when I brought a fare here, I would park my cab, walk into the club with my fare and I would have a smoking hot, completely naked girl hand me a 20 dollar bill and give me a hug.

Plus I never paid the cover on my days off.

That’s a good damn taxi story.
yeah right

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This O’Connell kid may be fucking legit for the Raiders. Couple of really nice drives.
yeah right

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!

[slaps O’Connell on the ass, hard, then gives him a liter of cola]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh wow. Doppelganger!
Gumbygirl

Enough to make me want to get a “RAMROD” jersey if he makes the team.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He doesn’t want a “large O’Connell,” he wants a goddamned “litre O’Connell.
WCS

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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