Hello, y’all.  The half-assing it substitute teacher is IN!

These is your early afternoon offerings, crafted lovingly in Ginger Hammer’s kitchen FOAR YOU:

Texans (+6) at Bengals (1:00, CBS)

Both these squadrons come into Week 10 shit hot.  But there’s “oh fuck, they look Owl worthy again” hot, and then there’s “that’s really good for them, you know?” hot.  Still, CJ Stroud has been a stone cold killer, and deserves this semi-spotlight.  If you want to play WR and will do so for team store coupons?  Please see Mike Brown, post haste.

Saints (-3) at Vikings (1:00, Fox)

Hide the knives at casa del yeah right, as we gets a meaty right brothers’ Derby!  There’s also the whole “Emo Carr v. Black Powder” aspect, which makes this quite the spicy meatball.  No Justin Jefferson this week, but he’s IMMINENT, ah says.  Founding Fathers gets a second chance at the bellcow role in the Bird Murder Dome, and YES Hippo is stupid enough to start him.

Packers (+3.5) at Stillers (1:00, CBS)

All you need is Love?  Residents of Wisconsin would beg to differ.  Coach Epps scoffs at caring who is playing quartered back.  He’ll go 9-8 or 10-7 with pretty much any jackass off the street.  Even Sunny‘s Uncle Jack!  Nobody is breaking the 20-point ceiling here, kids.  Too bad we don’t get snow.

Titans (+2.5) at Bucs (1:00, CBS)

DonT’s Magnificent Tits will try not to melt down MRSA-way, but I wouldn’t make any promises on that front.  Start #3 from Future Meth Cook Will Levis, and we will see if he hits the wall or continues on with Cromulence Plus.  Have you asked YOUR doctor if Cromulence Plus could be right FOAR YOU??

Tomsulas (-3) at Jaguras (1:00, Fox)

Damn, that’s some kind of RESPEK on the Santa Clara name, coming in on a 3-match losing streak AND going on a “body clock” road trip across three time zones AND facing a 6-2 Jacksonville team that looks like they could sneak away with the 1 seed in the much tougher AFC?  I guess because it’s in DUUUUUVVVVVAAAALLLL, not the true home confines of London Towne.  But one still has to like Prison Girlfriend in this spot.  Not just because of her flowing blond locks, but they don’t hurt none.

#ThePauls (+6.5) at Ravens (1:00, Fox)

It’s not easy to have a full 6-pack window, with no games so much as a full TD spread.  But here we are.  Two best defenses in the NFL by a long shot, but I’mma take the home team featuring Lamar! because I am just a HAWT TAEK artist of that calibre.  Hippo could sure use a KHunt punt or two, so long as Poe’s homeys win the day overall.