Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Find the place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain [in bed].
Joseph Campbell
This is called getting old and hurting oneself sleeping wrong. I need to stretch before I stretch now.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Potential look in at Ol’DubbleJ’s office this morning:
LemonJello
As McCarthy tries to flee…
WCS
Me on my way to the kitchen to cook more Loco Moco for dinner with my new Hexclad cookware that I got for Xmas.
ThePirateSloth
Doktor Zymm
why on earth would you name your wine brand after FEET
King Hippo
LemonJello
Does the DFO Pantheon include a God of Punters?
Dunstan
Yes, but she’s a Goddess
ThePirateSloth
Still choked up over Romo’s tribute to MLK. “He sure deserves a day.”
jjfozz
THESE PITTSBURGH STEELERS I CALL THEM BART SIMPSON BECAUSE THEY SEEM TO BE FULL OF BUTTERFINGERS.
Senor Weaselo
Uggh must pick up child shortly. Curses.
litre_cola
Call him an Uber?
LemonJello
That’s a terrible name for a child
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I hope the Philly beat writers do one of those long-read post-mortem articles where the players vent anonymously like the WaPo guys did after the second Joe Gibbs era exploded like the Hindenburg, because I haven’t seen a team quit in a playoff game like this since that Vikings squad got called out by John Madden for quitting against the Giants (was that 1990?), and I’d LOVE to know what is behind this!!
Fronkenshteen
THESE EAGLES LEMME TELL YA I CALL THEM THE WEHRMACHT IN 1941 BECAUSE THE MOMENT THE CALENDAR TURNED TO DECEMBER THEY REALLY, REALLY STARTED SHITTING THE BED AND THEN A RED ARMY BEGAN TO END THEIR DYNASTY
fleshwound_NPG
THings not to say at a viewing….
My mom: “Oh these flowers are beautiful.”
Me (being a huge asshole) “Any of htese you want when you die?”
My older sister burst out laughing.
My family has major problems with humor.
jjfozz
The secondary is as advertised.
litre_cola
Non-existent?
scotchnaut
Slay and 3 guys they picked up outside the Home Depot on the way to the stadium.
litre_cola
/outside Home Depot
Patricia: “Hey you. Yeah you. Chico, you know how to play defense? Defense. Three hundred pesos. Play defense.”
/see, not only is he a shit coach, he’s also a racist piece of shit
scotchnaut
Don T
First day back at work in 22 weeks. 875 unread emails.
Sharkbait
Declare inbox zero and delete them all. If it’s important they’ll email again
Doktor Zymm
I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a column of yours more than I enjoyed this one. Fantastic writing, especially this part:
I want to to see Jerry Jones hit in the face with a thousand rakes, die, and then have his eight hooker pall-bearers each step on another rake.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I’m watching the Pitt-Syracuse game, Pitt in yellow and Syracuse in orange, and it looks like the citrus section of the supermarket has become sentient and decided to pay some ball. The “crowd” seems to number in the dozens, so I hope both of these schools are happy with their decisions to blow up the old Big East to chase the opportunity of losing millions of dollars playing ACC football to maybe get a chance to play in the CarQuest Dipshit Bowl every year.
Horatio Cornblower
Carquest Dip shit Bowl is chefs kiss
Sharkbait
I would love for the Steelers to fire Mike Tomlin so that Dallas could hire him, but I am fully aware that there’s about 3/5 of a fart’s chance in a windstorm of Ol’ Double J ever doing that.
Excellent write-up Rev https://doorfliesopen.com/2024/01/16/sploosh-tuesday-open-thread/ . I too have numerous thoughts about what the Cowboys need to do to fix things, but ultimately most of them boil down to Jerry Jones shuffling off his mortal coil and not being able to interfere with the actual football anymore.
There’s a post in there somewhere.
Horatio Cornblower
I would actually LOVE to see Tomlin work his magic on some currently crappy team. It would be an amazing thing to watch, as long as it was a team I’m positive or neutral towards. As much as I enjoy making fun of the Bears (it’s the gift that keeps on giving!) I would gladly give that up to watch them have a fairy tale revival where all the old guys with Ditka staches dance in the streets with glee.
In other news, just finished 3/4s of my final interview with DoorDash (one interview is getting rescheduled due to a last minute mixup). I think it went okay, although I feel like I missed a couple easy things I should have mentioned. Not sure if that’s my normal post-interview lack of confidence or a real miss :/ Gonna have a glass of nice wine and play some Civ to unwind.
Doktor Zymm
A handy chart:
BeefReeferLives
Apologies are essentially admissions of fault, and as an attorney I advise all of you to never apologize.
Horatio Cornblower
HI I’M MARK DAVIS AND I AM IN LOVE WITH TODAY’S GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I NEVER HAVE TO APOLOGIZE WHEN I ACCIDENTLY SHAKE HER DEAD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
blaxabbath
Apparently this was my post on Facebook 14 years ago:
I’m kinda glad the cowboys are in the playoffs so I can root against them
That worked out well! Good job 14 year ago me!
Doktor Zymm
The net result of these [Alex’s Talylor Swift experience] posts is that I want Travis Kelce to be happy.
SonOfSpam
I see Gmail has turned off their spam filters.
Mr. Ayo
THEY CANNOT STOP ME.
SonOfSpam
Folks. I managed to knock off a bucket list item when my local produced a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle. I turned down the offer to buy the bottle for $800, (although I could easily afford it, as in real life my name is Elmer J. Fudd, I am a millionaire, and I own a mansion and a yacht), but I did take 2 oz. off their hands for a considerably lesser sum.
That stuff is the shit.
Horatio Cornblower
[attempts to kick bucket]
[misses]
– Jim Irsay
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
It’s real easy to miss kicks isn’t it you assholes!
–S. Norwood
Sharkbait
“A Quebec man who posted conspiracy theories online that forest fires were being deliberately set by the government has pleaded guilty to starting a series of fires himself that forced hundreds of people from their homes.”
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/brian-pare-pleads-guilty-to-setting-quebec-wildfires-1.7084669
Reminds me of the ‘cons screeching about voter fraud and then being arrested for casting their dead relatives’ votes for tRump.
BeefReeferLives
22 days straight of getting on the exercise bike. 10lbs down, 130 to go
Alex_Demote
(alternate joke)
If you lost 10 pounds just from getting on the bike, imagine what riding it could do for you!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Mrs. Cola is working from home as well today. She comes down to the main floor. Tool is blaring.
“How can you concentrate with this?”
“Doing my team’s year ends, I blocked my schedule and I am high as fuck. I write better this way.”
Because of my past writing exploits here she knows this is the way.
litre_cola
I’m at the Buffalo Trace distillery RIGHT NOW
Doktor Zymm
Will you hang in a Buffalo Stance?
King Hippo
So, Lexington KY is pretty awesome and is gorgeous in the snow
Doktor Zymm
I see the Buffalo Trace is doing its job
Mr. Ayo
Just read out a series of letters and numbers over the phone for my daughter.
“D as in Djibouti, Z as in Zapp featuring Roger, K as in Knuckle…”
I am super helpful.
SonOfSpam
I choose to pronounce the silent “K’s” at work. I actively seek out words to put into phrases.
“What’s the code for plastic Ka-nives?”
“I hurt my Ka-nee on the weekend.”
scotchnaut
/found a funny
“Ask your doctor if still being alive is right for you.”
scotchnaut
OFFICIAL: “Please set the game clock to 29 seconds.”
OFFICIAL: “Please set the play clock to 30 seconds.”
OFFICIAL: [to self] “Watch these idiotic Texans jump offsides even though it is abundantly clear that Baltimore will not be snapping the ball again this quarter.”
TEXANS: [jump offsides]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Whew! Made it. It was getting festive and stuff
Don T
What festival is this?
ballsofsteelandfury
Fiestas de la Calle San Sebastián
Don’t worry, I just checked in with Catholic Internet. It’s fine, they’re unaware about your calendar oversight.
Don T
The dog was given a bath at 8 am.
She is still pissed off.
jjfozz [@9:37 pm]
I CALL THIS TAMPA BAY TEAM MY MOTHER-IN-LAW BECAUSE THEY JUST WON’T GO AWAY.
scotchnaut
Smoker heating up. Test run with two small steaks. Pray for me.
also, Mrs. Fozz is certifiable insane.
jjfozz
Pacers suck.
blaxabbath
I’ve aborted the Ron DeSantis banner because I live in a state where I can do that.
ballsofsteelandfury
Banner should have been carried to term.
SonOfSpam
ESPN says that both tonight’s missed kick and Norwood’s famous miss were from 44 yards out.
The Maestro
Norwood’s holder was named Kennedy, and Bass’s holder was named Lincoln.
SonOfSpam
And lo, did the Bills Mafia raise their voices in a unified cry of agony and despair that shook the skies and broke all the tables:
”OH FUCK NOT AGAIN!”
Petronel
Did they build Buffalo’s stadium on an Indian burial ground, or at least slightly to the right of one?
Horatio Cornblower
I just yelled “Shut up, Cris!” to Tony Romo.
Redshirt
How did Tony take it?
Horatio Cornblower
Brocky
Ron DeSantis should be forced to carry his campaign to term.
Sharkbait
Banner?
Redshirt
Maybe in 16 weeks.
Horatio Cornblower
Apparently this has flown under the radar. A tight end on Kansas is dating a singer who may or may not be in the band Kansas, details are murky as no one has reported on it yet.
litre_cola
Found a funny:
TRUMP: And here’s queer little Ron. Wave hi to the people!
DESANTIS: choking back tears I endorse Donald Trump for—
TRUMP: Do we wanna see him tuck his penis between his legs?
No, we shouldn’t devilish smile Should we?
crowd erupts in rapturous applause
rockingdog
This Lions victory is the happiest Martha Ford has been since she watched her father send the Pinkerton men after the strikers in 1937.
Beerguyrob
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
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