Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
“Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death [in bed].”
Coco Chanel

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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“The reason I think I’m going to get it is because I’m the best guy for it. It ain’t close. The thing you have to do is, you have to connect with your football team, you have to connect with your fan base. The way they play, that’s the most important thing. It’s not just the Xs and Os and all that. This Ben Johnson, I love him, I absolutely love him, but I’m a better candidate for this job than he would be.”
Rex Ryan
SonOfSpam

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January 6th and, thanks to a yeoman amount of work at the end of last year, I am one 1 pm phone call from being ahead of my to-dos.

Now to take a big sip of tea and check my emails…
Horatio Cornblower

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I’ve thinking about this a lot lately, and I am going to officially retire and hang up my Seahawks poncho, as well as retire my old, tired, and worn out Earl Thomas jersey. My bday is in May, and I think as a treat for myself, I’m gonna get the poncho framed. Not sure if I should try to get it cleaned and mended or leave it as is for the framing.

It’s been a good run of 10+ years. A lot of Seahawks wins, lots of spilled beer, rain, sleet, snow, ice, boobs, garlic fries (IYKYK), tears, high fives, sweat, great asses and awful asses, even more beer, tacos, drunk arguments, double high fives, sausage dogs (Al’s Gourmet!), somehow even more beer, Top Gun high fives, and that one time we don’t talk about have all happened on/to/over/with the poncho.

It’s an end of an era.

/pours one out for the poncho
//MrsSloth comes in and wonders why I’m day drinking ON A MONDAY
ThePirateSloth

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It is 9:20 p.m. and the Dr. Mrs. is steaming the floor.

Sure wish she’d steam some hams instead.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Word on the street is that Deshawn Watson’s recovery process isn’t going well and might prevent him from playing next season. Sure, THAT’s why he won’t be playing next season
Doktor Zymm

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“Addictive Mustache Wax” may just be my FF team name next season.
LemonJello

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In addition to stocking up on scotch, I also picked up a bottle of marshmallow liqueur, and am currently enjoying a s’more cocktail of that, chocolate liqueur, and bourbon, in a glass with a graham cracker rim. Seems appropriate while LA burns.
Dunstan

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Aww, what a shame. Penn State couldn’t come from behind when they needed it most.
Beerguyrob

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Hey, the guy who shot up Comet Pizza several years ago just committed suicide by cop.

So that’s something.
Horatio Cornblower

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It’s official, RAMMMMMMIT game moved to Arizona.

Congrats to Cards fans, getting a home playoff game.
SonOfSpam

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https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/browns-deshaun-watson-tears-achilles-for-second-time-in-12-weeks-qb-could-now-miss-entire-2025-season/

BWHAHAHAHA!!!!
Redshirt

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I managed to get out of jury duty without having to sob
and beg. The pre-trial festivities start Monday, and I have a confirmed doctor’s appointment, so neener! I was stuck in Indio all afternoon though before I was excused. I’m really glad to get out of it, the trial is expected to go to the end of the month, and it’s achild molestation charges Multiple. . No thank you very much, I don’t need that horror show right now, or ever, for that matter
Gumbygirl

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MRS. DEADLY-IN-LAW: [puts two eggs in a saucepan with about 3/4″ of water]

MRS. DEADLY-IN-LAW: [cranks heat to max]

MRS. DEADLY-IN-LAW: [leaves room]

MRS. DEADLY-IN-LAW: [does not come back]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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It’s only a 2 score game, but the Shitty Clippers should be waaayy more embarrassed than the score implies

32-12 is scorigami, so let’s see one more TD w/ extra point for the power of IMAGINATION
Doktor Zymm

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Dicker endorsed for the NFL Man of the Year by the National Organization for Women
ballsofsteelandfury

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They’re evacuating Encino? The fires might thaw out Pauly Shore!
Doktor Zymm

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I had an interesting thing happen to me at work. I got written up for using “fake swear words”.

I was told that simply using “son of a biscuit” could still offend someone because of how my intent could be construed.

I was asked if I had anything to say in my defense.

“No. I don’t know how you’ll take my intent”.
JustStopDude

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Interior Fozz: “Okay, that’s enough bourbon. You’re slugging it down like milk. Tomorrow is gonna suck.”

Exterior Fozz: ” WELL FUCK YOU I LOVE PAIN AND FUCK AND I DON’T KNOW FUCK THE STEELERS? I’M HAPPY! LET ME BE HAPPY! WHERE THAT’S BOURBLE?”
jjfozz

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Post game show highlighted a Ravens fan who gets a tattoo after every Ravens win. His wife does the tattooing. This entire city is populated by lunatics. I’m glad that I can say my DNA relfects this.
jjfozz

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Steelers can’t stop the pass, but they make up for it by not being able to stop the run.
BugEyedBoo

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When Derrick Henry surveyed the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more defenders to punch.
Unsurprised

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I didn’t realize the tariffs on steel had already kicked in
Doktor Zymm

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Lamar at least leaving to locker room to take a shit, while the Steelers are just doing it on the field
Gatoraids

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Said it in the last thread, and I’m saying it here:

I guess Harbaugh now has time to help Dean Spanos pack up & evacuate the mansion.
Beerguyrob

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I kinda want the Donks to win this.
Spur

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I see the Packers could use a kicker.
I’m sure their fans would like to bicker.
I assume they want a guy they can trust,
When the game is on the line, focus is a must.
I happen to know a guy, his name is Cameron Dicker.
ThePirateSloth

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This game is out of reach. I think I’m going to take a bath. Later taters!
Gumbygirl

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Y’all, I invited Unsurprised over yesterday for foosball and beers, with the promise of game time nachos and a “we’ll figure out more food later” – which turned out to be excellent bahn mi sammiches – but he told me on his way over that he brought some extra chips. We didn’t dive into this chips or even get them out. We agreed for same time today, and he left the chips here last night.

I finally took a look at the chips after he left – this man came into my home and brought 4 bags of Tim’s chips: 2 All Dressed (Olive oil, vinegar, onion, garlic flavors), 1 Jalepeno, AND 1 SMOKEY PEPPER BACON all extra thick and crunchy chips… and was so humble he never mentioned a word about these delicious as fuck chips he brought.

Now I am scrambling to up my foosball watching food choices for today. How the fuck do I top that? Unsurprised’s Chip Game sure is a surprise and is Top Fucking Tier.
ThePirateSloth

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WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

**Runs through clubhouse with a WAS bandanna wrapped around my lady wingwang or however that works**
Doktor Zymm

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Thanks for the GAMBLOR advice! I bailed out at $249.
Redshirt

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Can we all patt ourselves on the butt for giving Redshirt good advice and a double patt to Redshirt for cashing out?
ballsofsteelandfury

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We’re all in agreement that ‘The Disturber’ as a nickname for Mayfield is dumber than hammered shit, right?
Horatio Cornblower

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Did y’all miss me during the afternoon game?

Good, because I’m not sticking around for this one either.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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For the record, all that Piratey stuff they just did was highly offensive.
ThePirateSloth

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Every morning Mike Tirico slams his nuts in between the toilet seat and the toilet.

This allows him to say, “Well, working with Cris sucks, but not as bad as slamming your balls between the toilet seat and the toilet.”
jjfozz

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Mrs. Cola demands more saxamaphone
litre_cola

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Brisket!

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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