All aboard for Fun Town. Thanks Iggy.

Kind of sick of these “cram too many people in the bus” things.

This one was the most uncomfortable that I have had to endure while on tour.

PRACTICALLY BALMY

Describe the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, go on.

Jimmy Buffett said and I quote:

“Don’t try to describe a Kiss concert if you’ve never seen it”

How do you describe seeing the face of God?

“Hey Mister?”

“Yes my child?”

“Are all of the trees dead in Canada?”

“Yes. Yes they are. And it’s those dirty Americans fault.”

DON’T ACT SURPRISED.

Kind of looks like “Shawshank.” Hey where’s Rita?

Chapter 2 silly

This lovely little berg is called “Niagara on the Lake”. It was simply Niagara for decades but the post office kept screwing up deliveries so they eventually added the “Lake” part.

Next?

OFF TO A GIANT POWER PLANT!

WHAT?

Who cares about that?

We’ve gathered Satan and we have the fresh blood ready for your accession.

This aptly named “Whirlpool Gorge Park” is home to the world’s largest natural whirlpool.

You don’t say?

THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS!

If you were to follow up that left turn? There are a lot of really cool places to drown.

For another million dollars you can take a 5 minute ride across on the “Niagara Aero Car.” Which opened in 1916

Why yes, I am full of useless information.

Full of something for sure.

GREAT SKIES.

Having done plenty of tourist crap, I chose “no” on this particular trap.

Would have loved to spend more time here but was not prepared so back into that horrible back breaking tourist bus but that’s okay as we are mere moments away from destination zero. The very reason why I am here in the first place.

The bus pulls into a parking lot and the cool driver announces.

“OK Folks, we’re here”.

As we exit the misery coach and move across the parking lot your whole aspect takes notice of the “Roar” that fills the air. The ground trembles underfoot (you said underfoot) something big is just out of view.

I simply can’t describe what I see, feel or hear.

What’s perfect?

I wish I was a better writer fore I have no chance of doing justice to this magnificence.

This is the “American Falls”

Why yes that is Buffalo on the far left.

We seemed to have landed at a most inauspicious time as the driver has informed all that during his 10 years of service he had NEVER seen this much ice so late in the year. Usually the boat tours under the falls commence in late March. This year?

They weren’t sure if they would have them out by Mid-May.

Now I turn more north so you can clearly see “Horseshoe Falls.”

The ice flows are astonishing.

Get me closer damn you. Closer, I say!

Looking North up the Niagara River which flows from Lake Erie to Lake Ontario.

Yes?

Good question, it is all fresh water.

Off in the distance you can see the remains of a shipwreck from the 40’s it moves a few feet each year until one day it will tumble over the falls.

One side you have all of this breathtaking beauty. Then simply turn around and

HEY LOOK IT’S A GIANT BUCKET OF CHICKEN.

TOURIST HELL!!

EVERYTHING NEEDS A LEGEND

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

HERE IS WHERE YOU LOAD INTO YOUR BARREL THEN RIGHT TO THE EDGE AND….

THE LEGENDARY MIST

From left to right. Rainbow Bridge. Next the “American Falls” with Buffalo in the background. On my right is the Canadian “Horseshoe Falls.”

Sadly for us there would be no rainbows, just too much ice.

WEEEE

CLIMBED UP ON AN OBSERVATION DECK

That’s me with my camera shooting that

Glaciers clogged up the whole works.

WOW. HOW’D YOU SHOOT THAT?

SEE? NO RAINBOWS.

We had bought tickets for a boat ride into the falls but the ice would not allow for this adventure so instead they gave us tickets for a tower ride instead. It did make for a different perspective.

I did this on my own…

Took one look at the tower and said he would meet me when I got back.

{editor’s note: Fuck that fucking thing! I ain’t going up in that shit!}

Clocking in at a full bitch 520 feet it was hardly worth the 18 bucks they charge but I got hosed for free.

UP WE GO

CLOSER DAMN IT!

AMERICAN SIDE

THE ICE IS ASTOUNDING!

THE CANADIAN SIDE

I LOVE THESE SHOTS YOU CAN SEE THE RIVERS FLOWING RIGHT OVER THE EDGE.

THE RAINBOW BRIDGE

Just look at the ice.

“LET’S GO BOWLING DUDE”

Forced back into the wagon of pain. I don’t speak all the way back even when going through someplace I thought I would never be in my life.

Hamilton Ontario. Home of the Tiger Cats and a very substantial weed growing facility.

Back at the room I don’t want to sleep. I know when I wake up I’ll never again see the most beautiful night view in the world. This city has forever changed me. When I close my eyes for sleep I see the Toronto skyline in my head hopefully for all my remaining days.

Pour toujours mon amour

As I try not to sleep I start hearing a strange noise. Sounds like tapping on glass.

Impossible. I’m on the 12th floor of a very modern skyscraper how can someone or something be tapping on my window?

Then it happens again, no doubt about it.

Tap, tap, tap this time followed by a very young child laughing.

That damn giggle stick has polluted my warped brains. Simply can’t be shake it off. Almost asleep when

Tap, tap, tap with laughter now very close by. Tap, tap Bang. Something is falling, realization sets in, it’s me that’s falling as the laughter sings me to sleep. I Can’t close my eyes the dream will break, must stay aw…never want to leave

Either life or death has awakened me. Time is up.

Yes please.

Nothing is real. Dreaming of life in slow motion as I move towards an unwanted destination

BUT I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE HELL THAT IS AMERICA.

I want to thank each and everyone of you beautiful Canadians of Ontario for changing my life for the better, forever.

For the rest of the magic country that awaits all. I am terribly old and how I ended up in heaven of the North was astonishing to begin with. So I fear I may never step on the beauty of the Canadian soil again before I die and that truly saddens me. Hell, if I win the lottery?

If I never return mi amor. Forever in my soul

MAYBE THEY WON’T NOTICE IF I JUST STAY HERE.

ONE CAN NEVER TELL WHEN ONE MIGHT NEED ONE.

For those of you who actually slogged through this whole disaster, I apologize. Please remember that I am a photographer first.

Feeling fairly certain that my photo skills are improving and that alone is worth the chase.

The travels have ended, for now. Chicago and Wrigley Field for my birthday in June. See you all for another lost Saints season in the fall.

I HAVE SO BEEN TO CANADA AND I CAN PROVE IT!

Thank you for your eyes and words, much love.

TAJ/LAR Started in November and today is May the ninth 2025.