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A Badly Muddled Thursday Open Thread

scotchnaut

/

, ,

And we’re not talking about that blonde guy/girl bartendy that was hired for their looks trying to make a Miojito!

I’m currently reading Gulag: A History which leans heavily on Soviet documents and first-hand observations. None of this silly “One Day in the Life of Ivan Densiovich”, pablum this.

Turns out that Lenin was simply mirroring what the Czars had done, trying to isolate dissidents and put them in a bubble in the far reaches of the empire/country.

But then a Stalin comes along and realizes a prisoner work force can transform the country and leverage its natural resources. The human cost of this is of no matter whatsoever if your larger goal is a Five Year Plan.

I’d be curious to read alternate Soviet history novels post-1953 whereby the likes of Trotsky, (shudders in anticipation) Lavrentiy Beria, (shudders again) Boris Pasternak, (yawns a bit, but tries to follow the plot) Olga Lepeshinskaya (admires her haunches) and Lev Yashin (never moves the goalposts, ever!) do some things as leader.

Cincy, Making Things Tough: Look, you know those people out there that make things worse for themselves no matter how often a clearer path has been presented to them? Imagine AN ENTIRE FUCKING ORGANIZATION THAT HAS EMBRACED THIS FOR DECADES AND IT’S INGRAINED INTO THEIR DNA! Anyway, Shemar Stewart and Trey Hendrickson have yet to sign for the Bengalis.

Get at it. Lovliings.

 

 

 

 

 

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yeah right

It’s ghetto bird central here right now.

Hope the locals hold because one stupid thing…

0
WCS

Stay inside, lock the doors and windows.

Hang in there. All of yinz in Angel City.

1
Brick Meathook

What’s going on in Pedro?

0
yeah right

Massive protest at 1st and Gaffey. Freeway is basically closed heading into town. Close to isolated.

0
Doktor Zymm

Just about to land in Vegas, checked the MGM app and it seems my room is not yet ready.

Last edited 10 months ago by Doktor Zymm
3
yeah right

Oh however will you find a time killer?

2
Doktor Zymm

They put me in a different room and waived my ‘resort fees’!

5
Brick Meathook

Here’s the solution to everything:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqAqzIkQQXw

0
yeah right

I needed to destress so I played some dance songs and danced.

It totally worked,

This was fun. Try not to dance when listening to this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq2NH8Yinl8

0
fleshwound_NPG

starting a war on friday the 13th, seems bad i dunno

0
WCS

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2
Doktor Zymm

Certainly didn’t go so well for the Knights Templar

0
WCS

How quickly things can change…

Took a seemingly routine two (turns out, three) vehicle accident for a car crashing into another parked car. These happen multiple times a night; no biggie whatsoever.

When the police arrived, they were quickly able to determine why the driver crashed in the first place. It may have had something to do with the multiple bullet wounds in him.

He very ded

5
Doktor Zymm

I can see how that would make steering difficult

2
WCS

No joke three blocks away is another call of mine, this ostensibly for a suicidal male locked in his bathroom and refusing to leave.

0
blaxabbath

Were all the wounds in his right leg? All I’m asking for is the man to use his brakes for once.

1
fleshwound_NPG

2010:

iran-bomb-1
1
fleshwound_NPG

2015:

iran-bomb-2
1
fleshwound_NPG

2020:

iran-bomb-3
1
fleshwound_NPG

which happens first:

-iran nuke program success
-gta 6 released
-half life 3 confirmed
-wizards make nba playoffs

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Cowboys win a Super Bowl

3
Horatio Cornblower

Instead of a war put Jerry Jones in charge of Iran’s nuclear program.

Problem solved.

0
WCS

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1
yeah right

My city is extremely unchill right now.

Crazy tense vibe.

2
yeah right

Think I’m gonna fire up the aromatherapy device, get lit and listen to Tame Impala to just fucking relax.

0
rockingdog

Found a funny:

Seems timely

IMG_2755
2
Redshirt

I’m going to have to avoid the “World at War” channel for a few days. Half their shows are about Nazis and between Netanyahu bringing the world to the brink yet again and me being half German, I don’t want any unintended rationalizationing to occur.

4
Sharkbait

TNT promoting the upcoming club world cup using pictures of Messi, Kane, Mbappe and Haaland. None of which will actually play in this farce of a tournament.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Um, not true. Mbappe will play for Real Madrid, Haaland will play for Man City, and Messi will play for Inter Milan.

Don’t really care about Kane although he will play for Bayern.

Trust me, they’re all playing.

0
Doktor Zymm

Trying to con some idiot who thinks Boeing is at fault in the Air India crash into putting money on the outcome of the eventual report. I’m giving 10-1 to try and sucker them in

3
SonOfSpam

It was clearly sabotage by the evil genius who survived the crash.

3
Doktor Zymm

Crazy that he just walked away from that!

2
yeah right

The movie will be streaming in less than 10 months.

1
Mr. Ayo

Just remember, always book seat 11A when flying on a 787 Dreamliner.

4
Sharkbait

My mild flight anxiety is having a field day with this one since Im off to chicago next week

2
Doktor Zymm

If you’ll be around Thursday we could grab a beer

1
Sharkbait

Just missing me. I’m wheels down 8a Friday morning.

0
Doktor Zymm

I fly out Friday night, but I theoretically should do work. Drop me a line if you’re around Wrigley though!

1
yeah right

You really need to talk with Taj.
He’s there next week with guests.

3
Sharkbait

Will do! My college roomates and I are doing a trip and we’re going to the Cubs game on sunday if you’re back from your latest adventure

0
rockingdog

Shitttt

Apparently Israel assassinated some Iranian Nuclear Scientists and is trying to start a war with Iran

That is Not Rocking 😞

3
Doktor Zymm

You could have posted this at any time in the past 20 years and it would have been true so this at least is not too worrying in isolation. In context though…

1
Redshirt

In a related topic, “rocking” will likely be the casus belli of World War IV.

1
WCS

The parallels and similarities between the July Crisis of 1914 and right now in the Middle East are… striking.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Not really. The alliances aren’t the same. Russia has its hands full and didn’t really want Iran to have nuclear weapons anyway. It’s going to be Iran v Israel and everyone else watching like the Simpsons meme

comment image?a486000

3
Horatio Cornblower

I just hope both sides have fun.

3
WCS

I hope you’re right, but I see a lot of countries getting sucked into someone else’s shit, just like 1914.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Wayne Gretzky looks really annoyed at having to be up past his bedtime.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

I can relate. I won’t come down from the Stanley Cup Cocaine for a couple of hours and I’ve got work in the morning!

1
Sharkbait

Pickard absolutely starts game 5 right?

1
Mr. Ayo

Of course not. They won this by starting Skinner. Run it back!

1
Horatio Cornblower

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3
ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah baby!! Tied up!!

0
jjfozz

SUCK IT FLORIDA

SUCK IT HARD

SUCK IT DEEP

SUCK IT ALL THE WAY TO ONTARIO

THEN GARGLE MY BALLLLLS

5
SonOfSpam

THIS JJ FOZZ I CALL HIM JOHN AMOS BECAUSE HE WANTS FLORIDA TO PLAY WITH HIS BALLS.

1
Redshirt

Hockey Fozz or Horny Fozz?

1
Sharkbait

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1
Horatio Cornblower

Florida should be used to that. Relatively minor price to pay for meth.

2
Horatio Cornblower

FUCK YEAH!!!!

(Edmonton absolutely did not deserve that win)

4
Horatio Cornblower

An own goal, no less.

2
Mr. Ayo

EULERS! WE’RE GOING STREAKING!

3
Horatio Cornblower

OK, but I’m wearing sneakers.

2
Sharkbait

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7
Horatio Cornblower

Find something you love to do as much as the Eulers love fanning at the puck and you’ll never work a day in your life.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, Edmonton just cannot catch a break.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

STANLEY CUP COCAINE!!! LET’S RIDE!!!

3
Horatio Cornblower

There’s about 7 things that can happen when a goalie plays the puck, and six of them are bad.

As just seen.

2
Sharkbait

That’s why I dont play the puck when I’m in net.

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3
Horatio Cornblower

Most kids who were steered into goaltending early on weren’t steered there because they were awesome stickhandles.

1
Redshirt

Yeah, that’s what threw me out of Mighty Ducks 3.

Not “Why would they sign the entire team and not the individual players?”
Not “How did this team win two Sports Movies and without any defense?”
Not “Why is that guy eligible to play the 2nd half of the last game? He’s not even enrolled in the school?”
Not “Oh, Dear God, I’m watching Mighty Ducks 3?! What has happened with my life?!”

But “Why would you make a Goalie a Defenseman? A Defenseman has to go all over the ice and quickly get to the puck; a Goaltender literally does the opposite of that!”

6
SonOfSpam

1) He turns the puck over
2) He shoots it into his own net
3) He shoots it into the crowd, causing a delay of game penalty
4) He hits the ref with the puck, causing inflammation of the perineum.
5) He tries to show off by eating the puck whole, but can’t and gets the Heimlich Maneuver from the opposing left winger, who presses too hard and the puck ends up shooting across the ice and they have to stop the game and get the Zamboni because of the grossness.
6) He misplays the puck and Israel bombs Iran which starts World War Z.

4
Horatio Cornblower

World War Z sounds pretty good right now.

1
SonOfSpam

Zombie Me might finally lose a few pounds.

0
Redshirt

Why do you want to leave the world to Trump Voters?

The Simpsons – BRAINS! – YouTube

0
Senor Weaselo

More hockey cocaine!

5
Mr. Ayo

*fires up helicopter and motorcycle*

4
Redshirt

So in one shift at work, US Senators are being arrested for asking questions and Netanyahu is trying start WW3 again. How long was that shift?!

9
SonOfSpam

Look, if the heads of state of Israel and Iran wanna fight to the death, that’s win-win.

But it’s your fault for going to work. Let that be a lesson.

8
WCS

Well, the “blank cheque” if you will was Redshirt wearing pants to work.

NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS IN THAT SCENARIO

5
SonOfSpam

Oh god, worse than I imagined.

2
SonOfSpam

Also, obligatory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpEF6QPSVJE&pp=ygUPaG9tZXIgYXlhdG9sbGFo

8
herodotus450

You can Pickard your friends, and you can Pickard your nose, but you can’t… wait, let me start over.

5
Sharkbait

But you can Pickard him to start game 5

2
litre_cola

I have to wake up early. I ain’t got time for this.

2
WCS

*********** WCS HAS A BRAINSMRT IDEA ***************

Since the U.S. Open is in Oakmont this week, Allegheny County is expecting somewhere around 600,000 visitors from across the globe.
What will be the most White Upper Crust Male Is Mildly Inconvenienced and Demands to Speak With the Manager of… golf… call I experience this weekend?

I don’t have a used fleshlight, but, winner can get some used Kleenex with snot from both my heads if you want as the prize. I’ve got a lot of those.

Submit yinz guesses below!

3
Sharkbait

The closest BMW dealer is overcharging someone for something mundane but they need to be able to drive back to their estate

2
litre_cola

“A street person was panhandling at the corner of an intersection and threw themselves in front of my mercedes.”

5
Horatio Cornblower

This is my pick.

1
Sharkbait

Having to drive through Butler or Altoona.

1
Gumbygirl

We always called people from Altoona “Altoids”. Not because they were minty fresh, but because they were probably failed alien experiments.

4
Sharkbait

I did that last summer for a buddy’s wedding. It was pouring ass rain and dark leaving Pittsburgh to go to Altoona. It was certainly an experience.

2
Gumbygirl

It probably won’t be sunburn, if I recall my Yinzish summers correctly. I know, the pool was too cold!

2
Doktor Zymm

Line for VIP parking is longer than for regular parking

2
blaxabbath

“I thought these dudes were professionals? Look at the condition of this tee box!” Then point out the worst chunk with divots all around it. “YOU KNOW that’s from where I like to hit my tee shots!”

Last edited 10 months ago by blaxabbath
0
Mr. Ayo

EULERS tame the kitties.

2
TheRevanchist

Kame the titties.

4
Gumbygirl

This is what we come here for, elevated discourse!

4
jjfozz

Last Friday at my brother in laws, watching hockey.

Mrs. Fozz sits down and rattles off the following questions:

“Who is in the white?”

“Are all the players on Florida from America?”

“Is this the regular season?”

My brother in law, nicest guy in the world, says, “I think you need to go outside with my wife and have a margarita. I really think you should.”

9
Sharkbait

Meanwhile Sharkbait 2.0 can point to the Rangers logo and go “hockey!” despite me never explicitly telling him that is a hockey team. Also he knows what hockey sticks are and loves playing with them in the yard.

1
Horatio Cornblower

He can really do that?

Even after this season?

3
Sharkbait

Surprisingly yes.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So we gonna talk about Senator Padilla getting tackled to the ground by the FBI for “interrupting” Secretary Noem’s press conference?

2
Sharkbait

Yeah….not great

3
litre_cola

Have to keep your head on a swivel at ALL times. This is why you have to attend OTA’s.

7
Redshirt

Yeah, this is a red flag…however did he interrupt her talking or did he wait for Noem to ask for any questions?

0
litre_cola

So this is totally going to happen. “The Insurrection Act of 1807 allows the president to use active-duty military personnel to perform law-enforcement duties inside the US.”

0
Gumbygirl

It’s going to be a long , hot, stupid summer. Buckle up.

2
Horatio Cornblower

If I did what Padilla did I’d have been shot. He was grandstanding to provoke a reaction and he got it.

And frankly it looks like it worked, at least somewhat, so good for him.

3
Redshirt

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one to notice that. I thought it was the Repressed Conservative in me or something.

2
Horatio Cornblower

At least he did something. Schumer’s out there making terrible TACO jokes and Pelosi’s disassociating about anarchists in public.

Turns out the Inuit put their elderly and infirm on ice floes for a reason.

4
WCS

“No one loves the Democratic Party more than I do. I’ve spent my entire life devoted to this Party, spreading its message and doing right by the American people.”
— man responsible for losing every important national Senate election since 2010

Last edited 10 months ago by WCS
3
Redshirt

Yeah, just picture this mixed with Ohio and you’ll kind of see why I choose the Dark Side.

0
Mr. Ayo

Mic them up. RELEASE THE TAPES!

comment image

1
Sharkbait

Gretz is giving off some serious “we saw you across the bar and we like your vibe” energy in that picture.

3
litre_cola

All 6 goals have been scored in the same net.

1
WCS

Tilted ice!

1
Sharkbait

Not anymore

0
2Pack

Ciao tutti

FB_IMG_1749753642816
10
Horatio Cornblower

60% of the time, it works every time.*

*applies only to the post-season

3
WCS

Made of bits of real post-season success, so it’s guaranteed to be 100% Cowboys-free.

3
Horatio Cornblower

“Cowboys fans are bandwagon jumpers”

My brothers in Christ, the Dallas Cowboys have not won a Super Bowl in 30 years. That bandwagon is on fire and off the side of the road in a ditch filled with manure.

Which does give me an idea for Ol’ Double J’s mausoleum design…

4
Senor Weaselo

Post-draft pizza it is. Picks were made, jokes about names were made, and I passed on a guy named Sinister Delray in the 1st round.

1
WCS

First major international anything in Allgeheny County during the 9-1-1 Operator/Being With Nobility stage of my time on this mortal coil. Add anti-ICE protests across town, humidity, and a dash of Friday the 13th this weekend. That’s all whipped cream, sprinkles, and a cherry on top of the US Open Sundae.

If nothing else, we’re going to learn lessons for what not to do with the Draft come spring.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atH6ik_LJ9s

Last edited 10 months ago by WCS
6
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Edmonton being Nursed back into it

1
Sharkbait

I check the score of game 4, 3-0 after one. Now it’s 3-3. Is it me or do I smell some bananacakes cooking in Florida…

Or it’s meth. It’s Florida, so it’s probably meth.

10
litre_cola

Momentum has been swinging like an upside down pineapple.

5
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Both its both

2
Jimbo

The Moss Pit? I don’t see Randy, smgdh

0
litre_cola

decilitre goes to public school so nothing special, we just got a form we have to sign so he can have a freezee (popsicle type thing) on water fight day. Things may have gone a bit too far in protectionism of the chill’ins.

1
Doktor Zymm

But what if he gets brain freeze?? The horror!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s ridiculous

0
BC Dick

All those sugars and dyes and not a hint of essential oils. You’re leading him straight into the grave.

4
blaxabbath

Honestly, im fine with putting a few more signatures on parents if it saves the teachers of various conversations/complaints on the matter. Poor women (I give men no grace, fuck men) have enough to handle without having to waste energy with an adult on “exactly understanding how Ralph was handed a sugar pop on Friday.”

That said — Deci should have a laminated hall pass.

0
Doktor Zymm

This dude is crushing, just hit like 4 sixes in a row to round out a half century and just hit another 6!

2
Doktor Zymm

It’s fireworks for a 6, regular fire for a wicket, and the small Indian children in the crowd know what a 4 is but I’m not sure about the difference between that and a 1 or possibly 2 if that’s a thing BLERN

1
Doktor Zymm

Hey, I just watched the fastest century in Major League Cricket history!

2
Don T

This could work as a Brick signal
comment image

5
Doktor Zymm

There are apparently power plays in this version of cricket. They get an extra fielder. Not sure if there was a penalty or if this always happens on the 6th over or if this is blernscricket

3
litre_cola

The Nuge is HUGE.

0
Doktor Zymm

A good cricket thing happened!

IMG_20250612_180840_921
3
Doktor Zymm

Crickety!

IMG_20250612_180709_201
0
Doktor Zymm

They have LEDs in the wickets!

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Is that in Oakland?!?

0
Mr. Ayo

The ghost of Al Davis didn’t clue you in?

3
Doktor Zymm

Yup, in the Coliseum. I’ve seen 3 sports here now

1
litre_cola

Hey Oilers, I have an idea. Quit taking dumb penalties.

0
Mr. Ayo

They’ll have plenty of time to not take penalties after Saturday when their season ends.

5
jjfozz

Completely undisciplined.

1
BeefReeferLives

It was just a matter of time, wasn’t it? Geeeeez.

Report: Antonio Brown Facing Attempted Murder Charge – Steelers Depot

2
King Hippo

He can be a very accomplished wide receiver in the pokey!

3
jjfozz

He’ll go in as a tight end . . .

1
SonOfSpam

This is less surprising than the Titan implosion.

(The submersible thing, not the Levis QB experiment)

5
BeefReeferLives

I wonder if his lawyer will use the classic “Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?” defense.

6
Senor Weaselo

I made this joke at my diceball draft!

2
jjfozz

These stupid fucks have everything they could ever want. everything. the rest of us are treading water, drowning, or rotting at the bottom. beat him to death with an authentic medieval mace.

2
jjfozz

OH jesus, we have to see fuckface and birdlegs even at an nhl game? fuck you nhl!

1
King Hippo

Almost literally everything can go get fucked in This Darkest Timeline.

Though some things I just want to set on fire. Just not out of love.

2
jjfozz

I’m with you. i have completely tuned out current events. let it fucking burn. i’ll light hte match

1
SonOfSpam

Was assuming you meant Trump and some whore.

But instead it’s Taylor Swift and some whore.

1
Dunstan

I forget, was “Fuckface and Birdlegs” a spinoff of “Jake and the Fatman,” or “Hardcastle & McCormack”?

4
WCS

After MASH

1
Gumbygirl

Scarecrow and Mrs. King. My toddler son called it Frozen Mr. King, and the show that followed it was Crazy in a Box ( Crazy like a Fox)

0
ballsofsteelandfury

The Steelers’ summer would be redeemed if they could sign Trey Hendrickson from the Bengals…

0
SonOfSpam

It’s the summer of QAron and there’s just no polishing that turd.

At least he vibes with the HHS Secretary!

3
litre_cola

Is that the boat brick was on?

2
SonOfSpam

Poop deck constantly covered in seamen.

2
litre_cola

Ballsys ears just perked up

5
Doktor Zymm

Testing out the “defense wins championships” maxim? i guess the Broncos Owl with Brokeneck Manning showed it was possible

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Have you met my team???

1
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