The Slate of Foregone Conclusions

Many of these tilts seem to be straightforward in their end results so I guess with my history it’ll be “Upset Day”. Sigh. I’m exceptionally lousy this year in all things footballing and there’s so much of the season still to come. Ugh.

To The Games!

Fins/Falcons:

Please interview Tua mid-game on the sidelines, I’m in the mood to hear something stupid that further undermines the morale of the team. Bijan and Allgeier should be able to run all day long on this defense that has plainly given up on everything.

Jets/Bengals:

Flacco just plainly came out and said it, that he has no fond memories of playing in New York. Ambassador Woody takes yet another hit. Fields will get another kick at the cat by default due to Tyrod’s “Out” status. Against said housecats he will likely go 10-25 for 76 yards.

Browns/Pats:

Cleveland’s D need always to be reckoned with but Maye is in the middle of a heater-a six game stretch of throwing for 200+ yards with a 100+ passing rating. Only the likes of Mahomes, Brady and Manning have accomplished this. His counterpart Gabriel? No one’s blowing his horn. On “long” passes (10+ yards) he is 10 of 30 to date.

Giants/Eagles:

Didn’t these guys just play? Sulky A.J. Brown has been ruled out and will no doubt post a cryptic Bible passage, followed by a, “That’s not what I meant!” declaration. If Daboll had any in-game management skills the Giants could easily be 4-3.

Bills/Panteros:

There’s only one way to do this Carolina-run Chuba and Rico right down Buffalo’s 31st ranked run D’s throat. Here’s a surprise, the Panthers boast the league’s #3 run D themselves with much of the credit/flowers going to Derrick Brown, returning after a season-ending injury last year.

Bears/Ravens:

Baltimore is favored by 2.5 despite the fact they’ve lost three home games to date. Could they possibly, finally give the ball to Henry? Chicago is 20 frickin’ 8th vs the run! C’mon! Caleb regressed last week, throwing for just 172 yards on 57% passing.

Niners/Texans:

These guys don’t meet one another very often as their 4-1 history indicates. I’ll leave it up to you to determine who has the lead in wins. McCaffrey has 100+ scrimmage yards in every game to start the season and the last to do that was David Johnson back in 2016. Houston will need to turn the ball over to win and Mac Jones-said to be adequate lately-has three picks and no TD tosses over the last two weeks.

Give me your blurst.