Your Football-Centric, But Really, Just Have At It Saturday Afternoon/Evening Open Thread

Well, well, well. It would seem that we have a half-decent slate of games to nibble on before the usual Sunday feast. [time passes, like it always does] There are NO games tomorrow? None? It’s as though the NFL is run by idiots of the first order, doesn’t it? [sees thousands upon thousands upon thousands of football fans nodding their heads in unison in his mind’s eye]

Panthers/Titans-This just in-Panthers backup qb Derek Anderson is still, still, in the league. I thought everyone in the NFL (and probably his wife as well) had bailed on him long ago. Related-the other backup is Joe Webb and he also continues to collect a paycheque. Perseverance, thy name is shitty play-caller.

I mentioned this rook wr Tajae Sharpe last week and it looks as though there’s no letting up with this kid. He’s blown up the depth chart, leaving the likes of Andre Johnson, Harry Douglas, Kendall Wright and Justin Hunter in his wake. I must give Titans GM Jon Robinson a ton of credit for finding a starting wr in the fifth round. What he obviously didn’t spend on haircuts he had to have plowed into scouting.

Giants/Bills-THE BATTLE OF NEW YORK (sorry Jets, you’re not invited…again) takes place at 4pm Eastern on The NFL Network. Holy Shitballs!, injured-in-perpetuity wr Cruz is travelling with the team for the game! Unfounded rumours persist that a dementia-addled, surly old man who called himself “Tom” insisted on riding the team bus up to Buffalo.

Speaking of old men, where is Fred Jackson these days? It’s hard to believe that some team wouldn’t want to kick the tires on a tired 35 year-old rb that has little to no gas left in the tank.

Ravens/Colts-Fantasy-wise, would you touch any of the wr’s on this Ravens club? Me neither. Looking at their roster I see a bunch of youngish athletes that may never have had the attribute “talented” attached to them. Wallace is 30 and can still run those 2, maybe 3 routes that he runs and Smith Sr. is coming back from shredding his achilles. Best to stay away from this bunch.

Qb Luck is in for a quarter or so tonight. Keep an eye on wr Moncrief if you’re looking for value later on in your draft. This has to be Gore’s last time round as a starter, right? How the hell does he keep doing it on two rebuilt knees and a hip that will need replacing in a few years?

Bucs/Jags-With qb Winston coming along, the Muscle Hamster looking great in camp and the Evans/Jackson duo at wr, Tampa might have an under-rated offense this year. The d-line is solid as long as McCoy is around and lb Kwon Alexander turned quite a few heads as a rook last year. They might be a sneaky playoff pick.

Word-wise ‘Bortles’ is quite close to ‘bourble’-that can’t be a coincidence in this neck of the woods. Is it just me or do the Jags seem as though they should be an NFC team? It’s just me? Well, I’ll just go about adjusting my medication then. [storms out of room]

Saints/Texans-Expected starting cb Keenan Lewis was waived by the Saints t’udder day. It came as a surprise to those who follow the team. Given how lousy the secondary has been the last few years, I’m torn as to whether this was a good move or not. It’s not as though they’ve a bevy of talent to stick in there yet the herd should be thinned, I guess. I’m over-PK-ing this, aren’t I?

Speaking of things that don’t exist (solid coverage by a member of the Saints secondary, the Texans), name me one te/wr on the Houston roster that can take some of the pressure off the shoulders of the outstanding DeAndre Hopkins. I knew you couldn’t.

49ers/Broncos-Jeff Foxworthy is still whoring for Golden Corral? Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, Kaepernick won’t be playing tonight. Someone on the coaching staff must really like him. My question is “Why?”. (That was a “Denver has a great D” joke, btw)

Holy Exploding Bananacakes!!! 2015 seventh round draft pick/afterthought and adorably dorky-looking Trevor Siemian is running with the first team tonight. Apparently Coach Kubiak has a (strictly non-sexual) man-boner for the young ‘un and thinks he can be a starter sooner rather than later. The thing is, John Elway’s man-boner for Paxton Lynch holds more weight. Hey Gary, what’s it like not having the ear/trust of your boss?

Chiefs/Rams-I came across this by accident in the ESPN comments (I know, I know) This is a guy responding to someone else’s complaint about there being too many preseason games-

They had 6 preseason games in the 70s 80s and 90s then so what’s your point it’s 20 games and yes the NFL is in control that’s why it’s called the NFL do you what (sic) the government to control the NFL I do think Trump would be a better Commiss.

I think we all owe this man a debt of gratitude for conserving commas, periods, apostrophes and exclamation marks so that there will always be some available to us when we need them. Kudos to you, good sir!