Hey.

Last week’s post was something else, huh? What’s that? Oh. Oh, no.

Welp.

It’s time for the (now) weekly DFO Fantasy Football Leagues recap. Week 10 is done and dusted.

First up, Freezer Vodka League.

So, what’s changed since our last time together? To the standings!

Well well well, would you look at that? Stoma Fuckers Utd has distanced themselves from the pack and hold the top spot with an 8-2 record. Sofa Loren and JD’s Chesterfield Dreams claim the next two top spots with matching 7-3 seasons.  Here’s where it gets interesting, there’s a battle brewing for 4th place with AJ Hawk Tuah Tagovailoa, We Are Spamily, Lowratio’s Couch Fetish and Musical War Propheteers all sporting 6-4 tallies. Heinous Fuckery, Original Recipe White Claws and Big Bag of Suck reside in the Jeff Fisher Zone at 5-5. All that remains is the Relegation Zone, and this week it is made up of Free Thursday Night Points (4-6), Dead Hobos (3-7), Unnatural Gas (1-9) and The Schlitzstains (1-9).  My, how the turn tables.

Remember: The bottom four (4) teams in Freezer Vodka League will be relegated to Lowratio League for next season.

Now for the Lowratio League.

Look at those standings. Like a stripper with a Tijuana boob job, there’s not a lot of movement up top. Duke’s Chicago Waffles is still the belle of the ball with a 9-1 record. Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks has narrowed the gap (8-2) and is poised to slip a shiv into Duke’s ribs, like a lady! Rod Rust never sleeps and War and Peace round out the Promotion Zone, both with records of 7-3. At 6-4 and sniffing around the fringes of promotion are Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses and Bearsenschiesse Barons. The Jeff Fisher Zone has a lot more space for activities now with only Shiba is for the People! and Casa do vinho FC at 5-5. Heather’s Horrible Hikes is alone in the woods at 4-6. Ambiguous Aaron Rodgers, Sebastian’s Swag Team, and Gimli’s Groin Grabbers, all with 3-7 records are just happy not to be A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge or The Brick Experience left to muck out the clubhouse latrines at 2-8.

Remember: Top four (4) from Lowratio League get that coveted promotion to Freezer Vodka League for next season.

**Bonus Content from the “LemonJello is an Idiot” files.**

The grounds of Fortress LemonJello have a plethora of trees and those trees, in autumn, drop a metric fuck-ton of leaves. Clan LemonJello fights an annual battle to collect and dispose of all of these leaves. Usually we burn most of them, but it’s been too dry and we are under a burn ban.  So I thought I’d mulch them up with the trusty John Deere riding mower.  Well, I chose poorly. There were so many goddammed leaves that they just snowplowed up under the chassis and mower deck, right against the hot exhaust of the mower (great design feature, J. Deere!) Yup, you guessed it.  Within 50 yards of travel, those leaves went up in smoke like a Cheech & Chong movie. Mower was briefly on fire, as was a swath of the front yard. Frantic digging out of the burning leaves earned me a couple of minor burns (glad I wear gloves when doing yardwork!) Got the tractor put out with the hose, stomped out the fire in the yard and decided to call it a day. Ol’green started up just fine, but wouldn’t move forward or back. Clearly, some wiring was damaged by the fire. Called local John Deere establishment, they sent a tech out Tuesday and the wiring harness is damaged in multiple places, requiring a complete replacement. Loaded it up and took it off for repairs as well as a tune up while they have it.  Don’t know final costs, but it won’t be cheap.  But there’s no way I’m raking all these leaves up by hand.

So help me, Cthullu! Just once, that’s all I ask.

**heavy sigh**

/pours bourbon

Until Next Time!