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2016 Quotables (Week 16 – Submissions)

blaxabbath

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Jee golly, as far as Quotables is concerned, in the penultimate week of the 2016 season, the NFL finally produced the perfect product. That is to say, games that were riddled with injuries and missed clutch kicks. I understand there may have even been some playoff implications to add to the drama of some of these games but, as a Cardinals fan, I’m not one to be talking about playoffs.

Don’t worry Carr/Marriota/Lockett fans, I won’t make you relive those moments this week (I’m sure ESPN will have them on loop). If possible, here’s just hoping Don T and RTD and focus on the misery of others for once.

Arizona Cardinals kicker Chandler Catanzaro stares down the Seattle Seahawks sideline after going 2 for 3 on field goals.
Arizona Cardinals kicker Chandler Catanzaro stares down the Seattle Seahawks sideline after going 2 for 3 on field goals.
Cleveland Browns running back Isaiah Crowell celebrates a touchdown against the San Diego Chargers by posting an image of a police officer being stabbed with fans.
Cleveland Browns running back Isaiah Crowell celebrates a touchdown against the San Diego Chargers by posting an image of a police officer being stabbed with fans.
Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers enjoys a Lambeau Leap after rushing for a touchdown against the Minnesota Vikings.
Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers enjoys a Lambeau Leap after rushing for a touchdown against the Minnesota Vikings.
The Cleveland Browns complete a pass against the San Diego Chargers.
The Cleveland Browns complete a pass against the San Diego Chargers.
Jacksonville Jaguars fans react to Tennessee Titans quarterback Marcus Mariota being loaded on the medical cart as their team prepares to relocated to London, England.
Jacksonville Jaguars fans react to Tennessee Titans quarterback Marcus Mariota being loaded on the medical cart as their team prepares to relocated to London, England.
Fans and Coaches react to the Cleveland Browns blocking a field goal attempt by the San Diego Chargers.
Fans and Coaches react to the Cleveland Browns blocking a field goal attempt by the San Diego Chargers.
Cinncinatti Bengals H-Back Ryan Hewitt executes a block against Robert Nelson Jr of the Houston Texans.
Cinncinatti Bengals H-Back Ryan Hewitt executes a block against Robert Nelson Jr of the Houston Texans.
Southern California-ish Chargers kicker Josh Lambo reacts to a missed field goal attempt at the end of a game against the Cleveland Browns.
Southern California-ish Chargers kicker Josh Lambo reacts to a missed field goal attempt at the end of a game against the Cleveland Browns.

 

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sunrisesunrise

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I wonder if people will associate me with my uniform number.

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sunrisesunrise

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When a team hires an undercover security guard to patrol the crowd…

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sunrisesunrise

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Whew, he missed. I only hope it’s enough to get fired.

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sunrisesunrise

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Only a Temple player would’ve been able to keep his head on a swivel to avoid that one.

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sunrisesunrise

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The Chargers copy of the NFL produced Heads Up video is apparently collecting dust.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Big deal. The Browns complete passes all the time–just usually to defensive backs.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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McCoy working hard to stifle his laughter about these fuckers still having to live in Cleveland.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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This is why no one calls it a “sweet lambo” anymore.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Walking under your own power remains an applause-worthy achievement just out of reach of many across the state of Tennessee.

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JustStopDude

Wait…

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Why did he draw tits on his bag face?

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JustStopDude

Fucking damn it…

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I “Lions’d” the link…

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Enrico Pallazzo

WAKE UP, BRUCE! Your bad kicker finally made a kick that matters!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His parents are DEEEEEEEEEAD.

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blaxabbath

Bruce Wayne?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That would be the “joke”, yes.

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Bloody Lethal

I really wish coaches taking new jobs would stick around for their current programs bowl games. Temple goes from solid defense to losing to a bottom of the barrel offense.

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LemonJello

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This Chargers head-on collision brought to you by the National Transportation Safety Board.

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sunrisesunrise

Red Asphalt Redux

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LemonJello

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“A’ight! Let’s get this shit done with, there’s monster trucks to race! YEEEEEEHAAAWWWWW!”

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ballsofsteelandfury

Jags fans:

“You gonna leave me any, Sue Lynn?”
/Sue Lynn backwashes into beer.
“Fuck you, Josh!”

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montythisseemsstrangetome

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Cinncinatti Bengals H-Back Ryan Hewitt executes a block against Robert Nelson Jr of the Houston Texans.

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scotchnaut

Christ, do all these guys on Army have the last name of ‘Army’ or what?

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montythisseemsstrangetome

“Don’t ask me, I’m a pacifist.” -Christ

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montythisseemsstrangetome

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Cleveland Browns running back Isaiah Crowell celebrates a touchdown against the San Diego Chargers by wondering what the fuck this Seahawks guy is doing at a Browns/Chargers game.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Exactly. Why the fuck would you wear that jersey even if you are a COMPLETE asshole Seahawks fan?

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scotchnaut

“I’m sure I’ll be back as the kicker of the Chargers next year” is now called ‘the Lambo Leap of Faith’.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

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“That’s right, they call me the K-GUN!”

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Bloody Lethal

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“We played the Browns? All I remember is the color black.”

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Unsurprised

Did the Browns and Chargers switch uniforms?

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Bloody Lethal

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Last time I saw Arians this flustered, Barack Obama was becoming President.

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LemonJello

Alternate:
“I haven’t seen Arians this excited since Trump was elected.”

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LemonJello

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“Wait, you’re a woman!?! Please stop touching me. Just you. The men can keep groping me.”

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Unsurprised

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An afternoon of day drinking and shitty nu metal would be perfect if not for this goddamn football game. But you know what they say, #UpForWhatever

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Unsurprised

Fixed

“Like I always say, Candi, an afternoon of day drinking and nu-metal is totally worth sitting through this goddamn football game. You know what they say, #UpForWhatever.”

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LemonJello

I was trying to work a meth reference into my submission, but your’s is just about perfect.

I also assume Candi’s middle name is Lynn.

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LemonJello

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“These rubes act like their team hasn’t won a game all season.”

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LemonJello

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“I didn’t recognize the uniform as belonging to a real team, so I thought a crazed fan had gotten past security and onto the field.”

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Unsurprised

I hit someone like that in seventh grade. They slid ten feet across the basketball court.

It will always remain my proudest school moment

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LemonJello

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“There’s no way I can get through the stadium, out to my car and then get off the grid before our terrible dark lord, BOLTMAN has me eviscerated, disemboweled, crucified and then killed to atone for my failures today.”

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Unsurprised

Hello Darkness, my old friend …

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