INT. SAINTS PRACTICE FACILITY – DAY

A young black man is the only occupant of a top-notch weight room.  We follow him through his workout routine – a standard montage of powerlifting (bench presses, power cleans, and squats) followed by battle rope work and box jumps.  The man’s mood is thoroughly dour, and during the entire sequence it never lightens.  When he’s finally finished, he sits down on one of the benches, slumps his shoulders, and cracks open a bottle of Gatorade.

MARCUS WILLIAMS: [sighs]

— [door flies open] —

DREW BREES: [relentlessly cheerful] Hi Marcus!

MARCUS: [glances up] Oh, hey Drew.

DREW: Good to see you, buddy! You workin’ out?

MARCUS: Yeah.  Just trying to stay in good shape for OTA’s.

DREW: Well that’s terrific. That kind of dedication is what really makes this team great.

MARCUS: [resumes staring at the carpet] Yeah.

DREW: [finally notices MARCUS’s mood] Aw, Marcus, you’re not still feeling down, are you?

MARCUS: [looks up] Yeah. I just can’t seem to shake it.  If I’d just…done things a little differently.  [points at Drew’s Super Bowl ring] Maybe I’d be sportin’ one of those rings today, too.

DREW: [settles onto bench next to MARCUS] You know, Marcus, I’ve been playing in this league for a long time.

MARCUS: I know.

DREW: And I’ve seen my share of tough playoff losses.  After the 2006 season we were one game away from going to the big dance and the Bears killed us.  I mean just killed us. With Rex Grossman!  Can you imagine? And losing in the final ten seconds to the 49ers on on that Vernon Davis touchdown…oh man.  And then of course there was the Beastquake…

MARCUS: Yeah, but have you ever have one hit you as hard as this?

DREW: Well, no.  This was without question the worst.  And I’ll be honest, none of the others were even close.  If you could combine all the anguish of every other loss I’ve ever suffered in my career into one big sticky ball of repressed rage and frustration, this year’s loss to the Vikings would still make an even bigger, stickier ball.  By a lot.  But you know what always makes me feel better?

MARCUS: I do. Volunteer work.

DREW: That’s right!  But you know what makes me feel even better than that?

MARCUS: [shrugs]

DREW: More volunteer work!

MARCUS: I don’t know, Drew…

DREW: I know what you’re thinking.  After opening that animal shelter, and painting the orphanage, and building that new levee for the 3rd Ward…

MARCUS: I still say we’d have gotten that finished a lot faster if you’d just listened to me and rented some damned construction equipment.

DREW: …what’s left that we could do to make this city a better place?  And the answer is that we’ve got to think bigger.  What can we do to make this country a better place?

MARCUS: And…?

DREW: We need to get involved with the justice system.

MARCUS: I really don’t follow.

DREW: You’ve been watching the news lately?

MARCUS: Uh, a little.

DREW: I haven’t – too much acrimony, you know? But I got a call from my old teammate ‘Andin ‘Ooks…

MARCUS: ‘Andin ‘Ooks? Do you mean Brandin Cooks?

DREW: He goes by ‘Andin now. I guess he changed it, I don’t know why.  I thought it would be rude to ask. Anyhow he called me up and mentioned that there’s a lawyer in New York whose offices got raided.  ‘Ichael Owen is his name.  And they need an ‘Aint team to sort through all the evidence and figure out what’s not covered by privilege.  And we’re the ‘Aints!  I mean, not anymore, but…I figured with all the grief you and Alvin give me and John Kuhn and Coby Fleener about how much our careers have benefited from this “privilege” thing – which I still don’t get, by the way – maybe we could volunteer to do it as an organized team activity!

MARCUS: Oh, man, I don’t even know where to start with this…

— [door flies open] —

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: What the fuck is this shit?

DREW: Oh, hey Alvin, I was just talking to Marcus about…

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: Yeah, yeah, I heard all that shit.  Talkin’ about how you want Marcus to be on your little Taint Team.

MARCUS: Actually, it’s…

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: You know why he’s talkin’ to you, right? Why he wants you on board?

MARCUS: I…

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: THIS CASE IS GONNA GET A SPECIAL MASTER!

DREW: The judge hasn’t actually ruled on that yet…

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: And you’d just looooooooove to be that Special Master, wouldn’t you, Drew?

DREW: No, Alvin, I…

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: Oh, you want Marcus to shine your shoes, Mistah Special Massa Drew? Sing a little spiritual while he’s sifting through that evidence of bank fraud and figuring out what attorney-client communications qualify for the crime-fraud exception and what don’t?

MARCUS: Alvin, you really…

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: Mister Drew Brees, just tellin’ all ‘dem boys what to do, just like on game day.

DREW: We talked about this, Alvin.  That’s just me calling the plays the offensive coordinator sends in.  If it feels like I’m curt with you, it’s because…

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: You want me to go get my second line, play some of ‘dem horns for you…

MARCUS: Actually, that’d be nice. It’s really quiet in here, kinda spooky, even…

BITCHIN’ KAMARA: Listen Marcus, you wanna go to New York, sit in a room and stare at paper all day while some white shoe lawyer fellow looks over your shoulder, you do that.  Just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.

BITCHIN’ KAMARA storms out of the room, somehow scoring a touchdown as he does so. 

DREW: Huh.  All that stuff he said…

MARCUS: I know, I know.  But I still think maybe it isn’t such a good idea.

DREW: [a pause] Yeah.  Okay.

MARCUS: [another, longer pause] So.

DREW: So I guess maybe we’ll just go stab a few more hobos, then?

MARCUS: [shrugs] Eh, why not.  It’s never a dull affair.

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