Your “A Whole Lot Of Pomp For Very Little Circumstance” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Brandon Marshall is no longer a NY Football Giant.
    • Days after saying there was “no room for Dez”, the Giants have claimed a failed physical for the move, freeing up almost $6.0 million in cap space ahead of the Draft.
Tellingly, the first gif you find is a dropped pass.
  • Well, this is a dropped shoe – Tom Brady wants to “discuss” his contract situation before the season starts.
    • He’s due $14 million, and somehow Kirk Cousins is getting $22.5 million as a base salary.
      • So, I can understand why Dreamboat might want to have a chat with Robert Kraft.
  • Head’s up Bears fans – Monday, April 23rd:
    • Devin Hester & Matt Forte are scheduled to sign one-day contracts & retire as Chicago Bears.
      • Both spent 8 years each with the Bears, before moving on to other teams.
        • Forte stands second behind Walter Payton in most Bears rushing categories.
  • Because it’s schedule release day, and to take advantage of the overseas time difference, the times and dates for the 2018 NFL International Series games in London were announced Thursday morning.
    • Seattle Seahawks vs. Oakland Raiders, Tottenham stadium, Oct. 14 at 1 p.m. ET (FOX)
    • Tennessee Titans vs. Los Angeles Chargers, Wembley Stadium, Oct. 21 at 9:30 a.m. ET (CBS)
    • Philadelphia Eagles vs. Jacksonville Jaguars, Wembley Stadium, Oct. 28 at 9:30 a.m. ET (NFL Network)
  • In conjunction with the International schedule release, Jacksonville unveiled their new uniforms today.
    • Honestly, I don’t care, but am happy they went away from that stupid two-colour deal they were doing with the helmet.

   

  • News that’s not news: the Redskins are considered the worst-run franchise in the NFL.
    • FINALLY, a category where the Browns aren’t last. Second-last, but not last.

Finally, in news that will comfort him after he’s injured in Week 6, JJ Watt was named to TIME’s 100 most influential people poll.

  • Because he raised $37 million for Hurricane Harvey relief.
  • On TIME’s website, they have him as a “leader”, listed between Sean Hannity and Robert Mueller.

Meanwhile, Puerto Rico’s fragile infrastructure suffered an island-wide power outage yesterday, seven months after Hurricane Maria.

At least they have plenty of paper towels.

In a story that wouldn’t seem out of line with Maestro’s Mysteries, Deadspin weaves a fantastical tale about why the Seahawks have cut so many guys that they only have nine guys left from their Super Bowl XLI season.

The less said about that, the better.

It all comes down to what I’m calling “The Case of the Expired Anecdotes”.

It seems ol’ Petey had run out of motivational tales & stories for the players, who then began tuning him out in the locker room. Most famously, this is where the story about Michael Bennett reading books during meetings came from, and that his cut wasn’t just a cap maneuver. Richard Sherman noted that Carroll was perhaps “more used to coaching in college and turning over his entire roster every four years.”

All I know is that I paid full price for season’s tickets to a team that’s staring 8-8 in the face if they’re lucky.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • 2018 NFL Schedule Release Presented by Verizon – 8:00PM | NFL Network
  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Leafs – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC (Bruins lead 2-1)
    • Capitals at Blue Jackets – 7:30PM | USA / Sportsnet (CBJ leads 2-1)
  • NBA:
    • 76ers at Heat – 7:00PM | TNT / TSN
    • Warriors at Spurs – 9:30PM | TNT / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at Yankees – 6:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • no national US broadcasts

Seamus has you tomorrow for 4/20. I can’t imagine what he’ll bring.

 

HEYYYYYYYYYYY, SEXY LADY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
98 Comment threads
189 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
22 Comment authors
Moose -The End Is Well NighWakezillaBeerguyrobUnsurprisedWCS Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Wakezilla

It’s 4/20, which means one thing:

It’s Miranda Kerr’s birthday.

comment image?1474626915

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Paige and I wish you a good evening (separately, unfortunately).

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Wakezilla

ToddlerZilla’s favorite song at the moment:

She’s a cool 20 month old kid

WCS

Nothing like having the police knocking on your door, waking everyone up, and explaining your vehicle was broken into.

Wakezilla

That sucks. Did they take anything?

WCS

Just wifey’s patient info and our tax folder for 2017.

Yay.

WCS

The potential shitstorm will make anything Dan Snyder has done look simple.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

Wakezilla

I can’t remember what year this song was in Madden, but damn it went well with the game.

yeah right

Baseball question. Let’s say Ohtani is starting pitcher for the Angels in an American league park and it’s late in the game, can they use him as a pinch hitter and if so who does he replace in the lineup and can he continue to pitch?

Deep thoughts.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m pretty sure the answer is no.

Wakezilla

69% positive the answer is no. I don’t think pitchers can return once pulled

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Nice.

blaxabbath

Now is good time for SEA to retool for Wilson’s last reasonable run. RAMMIT is threatening 3L33T tier and SF is going be the perpetual up-and-comer til Biden’s second term. These are the seasons to just concede the division and be patient/maybe snag a wildcard birth. Like was ARI does every single season.

Wakezilla

The sad thing in all of this is the fact that had they given the got damn ball to beef mo’, nobody would give a shit if the Hawks did all this because they’d have two rings.

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck it, dude. It’s the NFL.

Wakezilla

I know they’re tattoos and all, but, I’m not entirely sure I could perform with two guns pointed at my dick.

Wakezilla

Good song until the Leaves tried to appropriate it

Wakezilla

I know the NBA decided Harden was going to win this year, but, I really think The Brow should be the league MVP as he carried the Pelicans to the playoffs sans Boogie Cousins.

comment image

Wakezilla

Dolphins play Tits again and it’s the opener? Did the NFL forget the Dolphins still exist?

comment image

WCS

comment image

A photo of my weirdo cat watching Colbert.

Wakezilla

It’s a shame your cat never knew the best Colbert from like 5+years ago

WCS

comment image

La gato watched Colbert Report with us almost every night. Gato recognizes game.

blaxabbath

Whats with the baby gates

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Aww

Spur
Spur

Reap what you sow Warriors

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Look, I don’t ever expect a restaurant to comp stuff. It’s a business, and giving stuff away isn’t the best financial decision. But if your host comes over and says dessert is on him, and then that dessert is on the bill, I don’t even know what to say about that.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think that was an attempt at flirtation and an invite to his place later.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I agree. He was totally hitting on you and now you’ve hurt him. You owe him make-up sex, if not more.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

WCS

Thandie Newton is on Daily Show tonight, and Trevor Noah definitely looked at her butt as she was introduced. That said, can’t say I blame him.

comment image

Spur
Spur

i like butts

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WWBOD?

*Bill O’reilly

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Something obscene and grossly illegal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur
Spur

I wish the Spurs would just keep letting it fly. They got nothing to lose. Stop hesitating

Senor Weaselo

I look forward to the Charles Barkley Spelling Bee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur
Spur

if you havent yet, go watch GLOW
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

oh hell yeah
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Let’s just one-up Talking Tina’s creepiness, sure!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

holy shit that’s awesome

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Wakezilla

Is season 2 out yet?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Next week, I think.

Spur
Spur

Pelicans have no chill. Please AD, murder the Warriors next round. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

WCS

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

blaxabbath

Capitols’ mascot has got to be a big goofy Stanley Cup on skates with googly eyes named Cappy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That none of the Washington players can catch.

WCS

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

blaxabbath

Someone on here told me how to properly cook a filet mignon a few years back. I am, again, using their perfect/simple recipe tonight.

THANKS DFO!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

Pseudo-purists (between Smart Ones frozen meals) will poo poo it, but I look forward to the day robots handle all this and my steak is always cooked to absolute perfection.

Spur
Spur

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I bought it, now I’m going to fuck it.”

comment image

Spur
Spur

Patty Mills is not useful here.

King Hippo

oh man, Donks are expected to be so shitty we don’t even get the late MNF opener this year?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

eyeballed the schedule as 6-10, but in a Darkest Timeline we could totes get to teh bye at 0-9.

That national Saturday fixture v. #ThePauls should be epic, tho

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

9-7 here.

King Hippo

I like your vision better, so I will blame my Inner Eeyore and catch Wild Card Fever!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Could go either way.

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I cannot fathom being so afraid of falling into obscurity that I would attach my name to the Trump White House.

That’s a level of desperation I lost when I got clean of opiates..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Keep in mind it is Giuliani.

blaxabbath

Rudy is a witness in the Mueller investigation for his relationship to the Comey email letter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is a nice touch

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spur
Spur

Going to go with the 9-11 defense.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’ll bet this is fun:
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, time to go scour foar photos of almost naked women for you perverts for tomorrow.

Later taters.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

my kinda gal!!!

/also nice shoulders

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Pippen Fahms remembahs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do they grow peas and house possums perpetually?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve always wondered about this…

You pull your goalie, give up the empty netter to get even further behind, then put the goalie back in.

Why? What’s the logic at that point?

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Gratliff

This is only a few cities from here, so it’s as close to home as it is stupid. I stopped at McD’s for lunch today (I know), and while I was at the counter one of the dipshits came through the drive-thru with his piece of shit truck and confederate flag tailgate and giant American flag that appeared to be stapled to a random piece of firewood. When he got to the window, the wind turned in such a way that it kept blowing the flag between him and the cashier while we all stared at him struggling to get his food because of his dumb fuck flag. When he got his food, he pulled off to the side, and got out of his shitty rustbucket pick-up and rolled up his flag and put it away while refusing to look up at the adults who were casually mocking him. Fucking kid looked like he’d die if I bumped up against him. I’m sure he went home and got his ass whipped by his dipshit father who “didn’t raise no queer liberal” before putting the flag back up.
http://www.mlive.com/news/bay-city/index.ssf/2018/04/teens_adults_waving_confederat.html

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

If there’s one thing I can’t tolerate, it’s disrespecting Old Glory

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My point is that these people who parade it on their trucks, etc., who say kneeling disrespects, or whatever, completely fail at “respecting the flag.”

Gratliff

Oh I got it. I’ve been ranting about this exact thing all day. Getting more of those “Oh god, here he goes again” looks at work. Gonna have to start easing off the pedal, I think.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

We can “unwind” the old way.

WCS

Jerking off?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It can be both.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

The Baltimore Orioles scored 8 runs today. And still managed to lose by 5.
To Detroit.
smgdh.

This has been your Baltimore Orioles Update.

Redshirt

Its April 19th, and I am genuinely looking forward to the Bengals returning.

This has been your Cincinnati Reds Update.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Browns schedule released…

My prediction…

L
L
W
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L

Gratliff

So what you’re saying is at least 12-4

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I’m on the fence about that week 3 win over the Jets…

Senor Weaselo

“1-15? Sounds like a banner year!” -Hue Jackson

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

That was some god damn good Jello.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Somehow the fucker will get an extension for showing improvement…

Spur
Spur

Yep, Portland peaked too soon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[stretch] THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

Jeeeesus, that Sixers-Heat game took a fucking turn

Spur
Spur

Philly realized it was playing Miami

litre_cola

Ovi should have scored there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He fucked that up bad. Went conservative.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

That was a sweet glove save…

Spur
Spur

comment image

litre_cola

Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?
It’s you!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit. I blame that goal on WCS.

Spur
Spur

Go Spurs Go

Gratliff

Joel Embiid is maybe sick of the Heat’s shit.

litre_cola

Wade aint getting his ass eat up tonight.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Caps look absolutely cromulent tonight.

What world is this I’ve landed in?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

The darkest time line?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Almost has to be, right?

WCS

One that involves the Caps losing Game Seven in heart-wrenching fashion. You know, the normal world.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Summer loving, had me a blaaast.
Summer loving, happened so faaast.

Shit, I’m older than I thought.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Really? You can’t just let me have this one tonight ya stinking Yinzer?
comment image

Senor Weaselo

I’m pretty sure that “One that involves the [Washington sports team] losing [do-or-die game] in heart-wrenching fashion” is the motto of Washington sports considering the Caps and Nats. And the Wizards look like ass in their series. And also the Redacteds.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I had a weird conversation at lunch. I hang out with my buddy Filip from Poland. Slow day so I exposed him to Jamaican jerk chicken from this kick ass trailer in the shitty part of town. On the way, we stop at Dunk’n Donuts.

“I really like Mr. Dunk’n’s coffee”

“Yeah…wait what?”

“Mr. Dunk’n. His coffee is good. Its his chain right?”

“What? No. Its ‘Dunk’n’ like ‘dunking’ your donuts into your coffee”.

“What is this dunking?”

“Dude…we watch basketball all the time! Slam dunk?!?”

“I thought was was ‘slam duck'”

“Why the fuck would it be ‘duck’?” (I just start laughing)

“Your people elected Trump. You are not allowed to mock me”

“Fuck you Fil…”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Checkmate, Filip.

litre_cola
Senor Weaselo

I mean the mouth is eating.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

…..pussy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

The insanity of Uganda is fascinating. I know we’re only getting the greatest hits and all, but the leader of the nation sounds like a Tim & Eric character without a hint of self-awareness.

Senor Weaselo

Was Uganda the country that tried to ban homosexuality with the “They eat the poo-poo” quote?

WCS

Yes, but, homosexuality is banned all across sub-Saharan Africa.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Like a lot of former territory, the Brits fucked them up royally.

Fucking India created the Karma Sutra and now you can’t even show a couple kissing on TV.

litre_cola

They also sent us Kamala the Head Hunter.

Gratliff

He wasn’t that lucky. It was actually Missississisiisiippi.