Your “A Whole Lot Of Pomp For Very Little Circumstance” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

• Brandon Marshall is no longer a NY Football Giant.
  • Days after saying there was “no room for Dez”, the Giants have claimed a failed physical for the move, freeing up almost $6.0 million in cap space ahead of the Draft.

• Well, this is a dropped shoe – Tom Brady wants to “discuss” his contract situation before the season starts.
  • He’s due $14 million, and somehow Kirk Cousins is getting $22.5 million as a base salary.
    • So, I can understand why Dreamboat might want to have a chat with Robert Kraft.

• Head’s up Bears fans – Monday, April 23rd:
  • Devin Hester & Matt Forte are scheduled to sign one-day contracts & retire as Chicago Bears.
    • Both spent 8 years each with the Bears, before moving on to other teams.
      • Forte stands second behind Walter Payton in most Bears rushing categories.

• Because it’s schedule release day, and to take advantage of the overseas time difference, the times and dates for the 2018 NFL International Series games in London were announced Thursday morning.
  • Seattle Seahawks vs. Oakland Raiders, Tottenham stadium, Oct. 14 at 1 p.m. ET (FOX)
  • Tennessee Titans vs. Los Angeles Chargers, Wembley Stadium, Oct. 21 at 9:30 a.m. ET (CBS)
  • Philadelphia Eagles vs. Jacksonville Jaguars, Wembley Stadium, Oct. 28 at 9:30 a.m. ET (NFL Network)

• In conjunction with the International schedule release, Jacksonville unveiled their new uniforms today.
  • Honestly, I don’t care, but am happy they went away from that stupid two-colour deal they were doing with the helmet.

• News that’s not news: the Redskins are considered the worst-run franchise in the NFL.
  • FINALLY, a category where the Browns aren’t last. Second-last, but not last.
    • That’ll happen when you respond to fan queries with signed photos of the owner.

Finally, in news that will comfort him after he’s injured in Week 6, JJ Watt was named to TIME’s 100 most influential people poll.

• Because he raised $37 million for Hurricane Harvey relief.
• On TIME’s website, they have him as a “leader”, listed between Sean Hannity and Robert Mueller.

Meanwhile, Puerto Rico’s fragile infrastructure suffered an island-wide power outage yesterday, seven months after Hurricane Maria.

In a story that wouldn’t seem out of line with Maestro’s Mysteries, Deadspin weaves a fantastical tale about why the Seahawks have cut so many guys that they only have nine guys left from their Super Bowl XLI season.

It all comes down to what I’m calling “The Case of the Expired Anecdotes”.

It seems ol’ Petey had run out of motivational tales & stories for the players, who then began tuning him out in the locker room. Most famously, this is where the story about Michael Bennett reading books during meetings came from, and that his cut wasn’t just a cap maneuver. Richard Sherman noted that Carroll was perhaps “more used to coaching in college and turning over his entire roster every four years.”

All I know is that I paid full price for season’s tickets to a team that’s staring 8-8 in the face if they’re lucky.

Tonight’s sports:

• NFL:
  • 2018 NFL Schedule Release Presented by Verizon – 8:00PM | NFL Network
• NHL:
  • Bruins at Leafs – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC (Bruins lead 2-1)
  • Capitals at Blue Jackets – 7:30PM | USA / Sportsnet (CBJ leads 2-1)
• NBA:
  • 76ers at Heat – 7:00PM | TNT / TSN
  • Warriors at Spurs – 9:30PM | TNT / TSN
    • Pop isn’t coaching tonight, because his wife died.
• MLB:
  • Blue Jays at Yankees – 6:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • no national US broadcasts

Seamus has you tomorrow for 4/20. I can’t imagine what he’ll bring.

HEYYYYYYYYYYY, SEXY LADY!