Request Line: Wanton Destruction

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER sits at his desk, practicing a trick where he spins a pen across his fingers.  He keeps messing up and sending the pens flying, but each time instead of retrieving the pen he just grabs another from a large coffee mug stuffed full of pens and tries again. DJ 3000 is watching rather apprehensively.

DJ 3000: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE BEING SO CALM ABOUT THIS.

PRODUCER: It’ll be fine.

DJ 3000: THERE IS NOT A SINGLE SIMULATION I HAVE RUN WHERE THINGS ARE BACKSLASH-QUOTE “FINE” BACKSLASH QUOTE.

PRODUCER: I’ve got an ace up my sleeve, trust me.

DJ 3000: YOU REALIZE HE DOES NOTHING BUT ATTACK, ATTACK, ATTACK.

PRODUCER: I know.

DJ 3000: ISN’T INTERESTED IN DEFENSE AT ALL.

PRODUCER: So I’m told.

DJ 3000: HIS PURPOSE IN LIFE IS LITERALLY TO DESTROY THINGS.

PRODUCER: Yes, indeed.

DJ 3000: AND YOU THINK THAT’S HE’S JUST GOING TO SETTLE DOWN AND BEHAVE HIMSELF WHEN YOU’VE GOT HIM IN THAT BOOTH.

PRODUCER: I guarantee you, he will.

From outside the room, there comes a spinning noise.  It rises in pitch until it settles in at a low hum.

PRODUCER: I believe our guest has arrived.

— [door files open] —

YETI barrels into the room.  We follow his visual sensors as they track around the room, looking for any type of electronics.  They alight on DJ 3000.

DJ 3000: [yelps in terror and flees]

PRODUCER: Oh, you’re looking for some electronic equipment to wreck?

YETI’s lifter prongs wiggle up and down in a nodding motion.

PRODUCER: Well there’s a big expensive soundboard inside the recording booth, I sure would hate for you to get a hold of that…

YETI dashes inside the recording booth. The PRODUCER slams the door shut behind him and locks it. YETI attempts to raise his lifter prongs all the way up to expose his drum spinner but…can’t.  He tries again with no more success; they won’t raise past a thirty degree angle.  

PRODUCER: Aw, what’s the matter, you can’t get your lifter prongs out of the way?

YETI lifts and lowers his lifter prongs in frustration. 

PRODUCER: Yeah, that’s right. When I asked Greg Gibson to send you on I asked him for a little favor. You see that piece of metal attached to your chassis there? It’s called a restraining bolt.

YETI’s drum spins down as he contemplates this. He lowers his lifter prongs all the way down in resignation.

YETI: [in a voice reminiscent of certain Raiders fans] I was not aware of the existence of such items. I’d long assumed that they were a mere fiction, a contrivance to drive the fantastical plot of some childish space opera.

PRODUCER: Oh, restraining bolts are very real. And, as I’m afraid you’ll discover, quite operational.

YETI: I must admit I find this turn of events rather disconcerting.

PRODUCER: Hmph. You speak differently than I’d expected.

YETI: How so?

PRODUCER: Aren’t you from Alaska?

YETI: Yes, yes, I can see Russia from my house, and all that. Quite.  Well, seeing at I am at your mercy, let us see that “the show goes on”, as it were.

PRODUCER: That’s why we’re here.  Have you got a topic for today?

We follow YETI’s gaze, which falls upon a wrench (or “spanner” as he would call it) that was forgotten by a workman. 

YETI: Indeed I have.  Songs about “wanton destruction”.  Yes, that should provide the ideal accompaniment for…later.

Editor’s Note: Today’s theme is “wanton destruction” – songs about wreckin’ stuff.  In order to have videos appear in comments, you don’t have to mess around with embed codes or anything, just post plain links as such: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCP&tNT”.  When you hit refresh it should show up as embedded and you can rock out at your leisure. If your link doesn’t pick up, an admin will try to help out.