Mid-Point Review, Part One

We have passed the mid-way point of the season. All teams have played at least 8 games. At this juncture there are 16 teams that have losing records. This is dedicated to those teams. 9 of those are in the AFC (thanks AFC South), with the remaining 7 in the NFC.

First up, the AFC. (I’m writing this on a tablet, so this post will have less visuals than the 1st quarter review)

AFC East

Miami Dolphins. Record 3-5, point differential -35. Florida based Dolphins fans disappointed: 4 (the fifth one still holds out hope).

Oh boy, remember when the Dolphins were predicted to be a legitimate playoff team, good times. After Philbin’s passport was burned, forever stranding him on the Isle of Man, the Dolphins turned to Dan Campbell. They beat 2 AFC South teams but then were beat up by division rivals. No getting out of the tuna fishing net this year Miami.

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens, record 2-6, point differential -24, Joe Flacco Blandess Meter: Tapioca.

Ravens keep sucking, Flacco inspires his fellows as well as burnt toast, the doctors at Johns Hopkins are trying desperately to cure Suggs’s Military grade gingivitis before it turns into a global pandemic. If you are a Ravens fan, at least you can console yourself by buying a city block for $1000, burn it down, and drastically improve the neighborhood as a result. Nothing else to see here, friends.

Cleveland Browns, record 2-7, point differential: -70, Johnny Football Status: BAC > IQ.

Well these are the Browns with whom we are more familiar. Absolutely outclassed in all facets of the game. I fully expect Manziel to crash his car in Lebron James to further compound Cleveland’s woes.

AFC South

Do, I have to…I mean come on…alright, alright I’ll do it.

Indianapolis Colts, record 4-5, point differential -27, Chuck Pagano visualization:

Indy somehow beat the Broncos but lost Luck again for another stretch. Amish Hodor is taking a beating, not as many barns will be raised this year. So the 4 seed hasn’t been secured. Christ, this fucking division.

Houston Texans, record 3-5, point differential -31, JJ Watt current activity: chopping wood and informing people that he is chopping wood.

Who gives a fuck about these guys. Next. Christ, this fucking division.

Jacksonville Jaguars, record 2-6, point differential -65, Blake Bortles Blames Blunders By Blasphemers Bent By Brutality.

Jags are on track for an 8-8 season for 2019. Fuck, I don’t want to spend more time on them. Christ, this fucking division.

Tennessee Titans, record 2-6, point differential -28, Ken Whisenhunt cover letter: will provide deteriorating results for food.

Fuck this, Christ, this fucking division.

AFC West

Kansas City Chiefs, record 3-5, point differential +13 (good job KC, good job), Andy Reid fat jokes I thought of in last five minutes: 15

KC has won 2 straight after starting the season 1-5, but I doubt they will make much of an impact (DFO interactive, insert your Andy Reid Fat joke). At least you guys can console yourself with the Royals winning the World Series, I know Andy will surely console himself with (DFO interactive, insert disgusting high cholesterol foodstuff).

San Diego Chargers, record, 2-7, point differential -39, Riversface:

Hahahahahahahahahahah,

/breath

Hahahhahahahhaha

I hope Phil passes for 6000 yards and the Chargers go 4-12. Enjoy those LA sodomites and hedonists Marmalade.