A 12’s In Search of Answers

Bee Bee Bah Bah Do Dah Dee Dee Dada Duhduhduh

Q: With the St Louis Rams (6-8) defeating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Thursday Night Football, are my Seattle Seahawks (8-5) a lock for the playoffs?
A: Not quite yet. Like this cookie, there is a little more left to do. Yum. Cookies are good.

Boo Boo Bah Bah Dee Dee Dum Dum Dada Duhduhduh

Q: So what needs to happen for the red-hot ‘Hawks to secure a spot in the post season? Just beat Cleveland at home this week?
A: No. If they beat Cleveland, they may still need to watch the Giants, Falcons, Redskins, Packers, and Vikings games this weekend. These games are all available with your subscription to Gigablast Holographic Gaming with 3D Food Printing Technology Internet.

Tick Tata Tat Tat Bum Diddy Dee Dada Duhduhduh

Q: Okay yeah sure, so what else are we looking at here then?
A: Good question. The Seahawks remain in limbo if the Giants beat the Panthers. At 13-0 and 1, Carolina is hot. Hey. This coffee is hot.

Bloop Blo Blee Beep Bahda Dada Duhduhduh

Q: I get there are always like 500 scenarios with playoff implications, even in Week 15, but what am I realistically looking for this weekend? Is it just a race between the Giants and the Seahawks then?
A: No. If the Redskins lose at home to the Bills this week, Seattle is in. But I don’t even need to be wearing my Warby Parker glasses to read my iPhone 6s telling me how hot Washington is at home so, like Buffalo, I should be wearing a women’s sweater.

Deep Boop Blap Bop Beedeep Doo Dada Duhduhduh

Q: Wait – what does the Redskins play have to do with you not needing glasses?
A: Ha. That is a joke. Because my glasses do not have prescription lenses, I do not need them. Ever. Ha.

Bah Bada Do Do Chicka Chicka Dada Duhduhduh

Q: So how would a competent weekend from the NFC East affect us?
A: It would require a Falcons loss, for one thing. I watch TV while grilling.

Doo Doo Da Da Bee Bee Ba Ba Dada Duhduhduh

Q: For one thing? What else? And how the fuck are you watching television outside in the middle of your yard? Even if the box doesn’t connect to the tv, don’t both products have to be plugged in to an electric outlet?
A: Sure. Falcons loss plus Vikings loss plus Packers Win.

NEEERRRRAAAAWWWWWOOOOOAAAAHHHHHH Dada Duhduhduh

Q: It’s fucking pulling teeth with you, asshole. But what if we don’t win? We aren’t out, right?
A: Right. A loss means nothing. Even with a tie, there are scenarios we can explain to which Seattle can still clinch a spot this weekend. We call it, Burger Time.

::Rumble::