DFO Bible Stories: Creation

¹In the beginning, when God createth the universe, darkness doth engulfed the earth. ²And God sayeth “Let there be light” – and light appeared.

³God was pleased with what he saw.

⁴On the second day, God createth a dome to cover the earth.

⁵On the third day God createth the land and greenery to cover it.

⁶This was God’s first time creating land and greenery, and it doth not be His best work.

⁷On the fourth day, God createth lights in the sky to separate “Day Games” from “Night Games”. ⁸It would be many centuries before God would create flex-scheduling.

⁹On the fifth day God createth many creatures of the air and sea and beasts of the land.

¹⁰On the sixth day God createth Man.

¹¹DOOR FLIETH OPEN…

¹²“YA BETTA CREAAAAAAAATE SOMEBODAAAAAAAAAAY!”

¹³“HEY COCKWALLET, WHY DON’T YOU GIVE ME A WOMAN TO CARRY MY SEED?”

¹⁴So while the man sleepeth, God took a piece of his rib and formed Woman.

¹⁵And somehow the woman already had the man’s child and was pregnant with another.

¹⁶And God gave the man and woman a paradise to live in, and it was called “San Diego”.

¹⁷But the devil appeared and convinced the woman and man that they could be as great as God. ¹⁸And the man said “HUH? WHAT? FUCKETH YOU, I’M ALREADY THE GREATEST!”

¹⁹When God saw what the man and woman had done, he was disappointed.

²⁰So he exiled them to a purgatory from which they could not escape.