What the thing you all say? You’re going to Karen Carpenter? I need to wiki this gal because….

Oh — “throwing up”. You see? This is why we can’t get any young readers around here. Also because youth doesn’t read anymore.

This is, for sure, a Karen Carpenter.

Quick story for you all. As has been previously noted, my work has a pair of Raiders season tickets. Wasn’t my idea but we’d already committed to the PSL before I had any say so we’re just kinda doing the throwing good money after bad with it right now.

In all honesty, I’m pretty out of the NFL loop and don’t really know what the demand is for these tickets. Thankfully there are only a handful of games so, between handouts to customers, etc. I’ve probably only got a couple of games to ‘sell’. And with the vaccine being required last year (and last year sucking ass overall), resale demand was understandably down.

Anyways — point is that I’m the responsible email for our Raiders tickets. I’ve got most of our customers listed out for who wants this season’s tickets. So I log in to the account manager this morning…

But first, an aside —

Since you all don’t know me and never will meet me — I had hands-down the worst massage experience of my life last night. Wife and I are getting the boy back today so got the like 7:30pm slot for massages. They screwed up the booking; listing me to have a male masseuse…..

…and my wife as being 15 weeks pregnant needing a prenatal massage. So we arrive and they send her back with the guy and me with this fucking old lady who was brought in on a damn Wednesday night to give a weak-ass prenatal massage and ended up being tasked with working on, basically, this.

Also the table was trash and the headrest thing was beat to hell and the hot rocks I was supposed to get were too hot so I got like 7 minutes worth of that luxury..

So, maybe three minutes in I realize this is going to be an abject disaster. I get just my upper back kinda done for the session and I chat with her a little and she says she turns 60 the next day (today) and I’m basically just hanging out waiting for my wife, really. So we wrap up (“Oh yeah, I feel more relaxed for sure. Thank you.”) and I easily waive off all of her calls for upsells/return visits/memberships.

Why the fuck is this 60 year old woman trying to sell me a massage membership after a crappy massage on a Wednesday night at 8:30pm instead of being home with her family and/or sleeping? Because Massage Envy sucks, that’s why. And the real fault is my own because I always swear to myself that one of my principles at this point in life, is to only deal with professionals in important matters. So we booked at Massage Envy. We got Massage Envy.

Anyways, she leaves the room and I get dressed and I just empty out my wallet for her in the tip envelope thing because this #BrandonRecession is not going to be kind to her and she’s a fucking 60 year old lady hustling for fucking Massage Envy Franchise Network on a Wednesday night at 8:30pm to a guy she is physically unable to massage.

And I know Massage Envy ain’t gonna take care of this lady (I’m still on the fence about calling and requesting some sort of compensation because this was some very tangible fuck uppery on their part AND I heard my wife on the phone setting it up the night before and it seemed like they didn’t have anything but them magically fitting us in seems to have been them magically getting us to show up and pay — nonetheless, they just gonna blame her and can her ass as retribution for their fuck up? That is, of course, how shitty places operate and Massage Envy is a shitty place — that, again, is my own fault for visiting.

Point is: I’m a hater but I’m a generous man, within reason.

But then I get this fucking message from the Raiders today.

The Raiders will allow me to donate my tickets to the Raiders Foundation.

I’m not going to even elaborate. I’m not going to JJ Fozz it up. I’m just going to very calmly and clearly state that I will let those seats sit fucking empty for the remaining 48 years of the PSL contract before I ever donate anything to the fucking Raiders Foundation.

Fuck Mark Davis. Fuck Mike Bidwill. Fuck Dan Snyder. Now, this recession isn’t in full-force yet so I gotta get back to work.