David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 10: The Gentle Kiss Of The Red-Hot Poker

The Maestro -
20

Good morning. Have a seat. Oh, I see. Well, maybe grab that throw pillow in the corner there and give it a try. Ah, very well. Hemorrhoids. Yes, I understand, and empathize. Well of course I can deal with those for you. However, before we begin, I must ask - did you

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 9: Rabies Gets An Unfair Rep!

The Maestro -
16

Good morning, patient. That's quite the nasty bite you've got on your finger. Looks like a canine tooth... Oh, I see. Yes, that's fine, I won't mention your fetishes to the rest of the internet... nobody needs to know what your side pieces have been doing to you. That said,

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 8: Hooked On Phonics? Fork Your Tongue!

The Maestro -
9

Good morning. You sure have had a lot of visits with me this past while. Is the NFL covering your co-pay or something? At any rate, time to look at your chart... you're saying that you've been at a loss for words since football season ended? I suppose, in some

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 7: Is Fecal-Based Birth Control Right for You?

The Maestro -
17

Good morning. I've heard claims of lots of happy Rams fans out there this week, but curiously, I haven't seen any yet thus far. Seems odd to me - in years past, I couldn't tell you how many women I've had to turn away from my doors this week due

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 6: The Healing Power of Death

The Maestro -
11

Good morning. We're four days from the Super Bowl! We're also five days away from my favorite day on the calendar: the day the bodies start piling up in my office again. The, uh, alive ones, that is. Yes. Alive. Let's go with that. I don't deal with the dead

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 5: Malaria and Syphilis – No Longer a Sophie’s Choice!

The Maestro -
11

Good morning. You're back again? Talk about bad luck. What is it this time? A burning sensation, you say? Front side, or back? Oh, yeah. I had that one too. I think a certain Chargers cornerback from a while ago had it a few times as well - though due to

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 4: Cestoda and You – Man’s Real Best Friend!

The Maestro -
11

Good morning, patient. Please forgive me if I'm a bit unfocused today... I'm rather hungover. Yes, I know the Divisional Round was four days ago. I see your charts are saying you're complaining of nausea and headaches... are you a Bills fan, by any chance? I see. Yes, I'd be sick

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 3: Breakfast Cereal and the Anti-Onanism Lifestyle

The Maestro -
14

Good morning. Dr. Chao is in. Thank you for your visit. I've just looked over your charts here, and I see that the reason for your visit is... hmm... "Abrasions due to tightly tying a bandana around your wing-wang following a dramatic playoff win." As your physician, I'm going to

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 2: How Yoga Is Rotting Your Brain

The Maestro -
27

Good morning! Thank you for stopping by for your weekly checkup with me. I trust you've paid up front already? Good. I've got a lot of work to do to finish eating this bottle of Vicodin today, so why don't you grab a few for yourself and sit down with

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 1: How to Become Immortal Through Using Mercury

The Maestro -
15

Hi, everybody! I’m Dr. David J. Chao. You may know me from Twitter as ProFootballDoc, where I give insight on potential player injuries as I watch game action in real time. You may also potentially know me for my scandal-filled years as the team doctor for the San Diego Chargers,