INT. GEORGIA DOME VISITING TEAM PRESS ROOM – POSTGAME SATURDAY

In typical disgust, Seattle Seahawks defensive back RICHARD SHERMAN responds to reporter questions about a Division Round loss to the Atlanta Falcons. Reporters faces show the audience is tense and afraid while SHERMAN is asserting himself and dominating them. A hand in the front row, belonging to BALDING REPORTER, gets his attention.

BALDING REPORTER: Matt Ryan is considered the front-runner for MVP and that Atlanta offense was the highest scoring in the league by a wide margin. Considering how well the defense held today, including you yourself holding Julio Jones to just 67 yards, was it frustrating for you to be on the sideline during crucial offensive mistakes, for example the self-inflicted safety, during today’s game?

SHERMAN: Was I frustrated? Well, I’m a man and I’m black. So I’m sure your editor is expecting you come out of this press conference with evidence that I’m angry too, right? Right!? The old angry black man narrative, right? Man, that story just writes itself then! White Falcons savior beats up angry black man. You eyeing yourself a sports Pulitzer here?

BALDING REPORTER: No…sir. No, sir, not at all. I just meant to ask that, given the production by the defense…today…uh….you might tell us about your thoughts on the game. That’s it. That’s all.

SHERMAN: Man, all season you’ve been asking me about what I think about everyone else. ‘Ol Richey!’ you share with each other as you scribble in your notebooks, ‘I bet he’d have handed the ball to Marshawn!’ Right? RIGHT? I mean, that’s your unfair narrative about me. Your bosses don’t have multi-million dollar contracts with me, right? They have them with The Shield. So they send you here to beat up on me because Roger Goodell doesn’t have the guts to show up in here himself.

SHERMAN stares at the press room as the reporters scribble excitedly on their notepads. It soon becomes apparent that reporters are not interested in follow up questions or engaging the angry cornerback.

SHERMAN: You there in the back! Yeah you, the fat fuck. Stand up and ask a question.

FAT FUCK REPORTER: I wanted to, uh, ask — Oh! Ummm, when you were game planning for today. Uhh, Julio Jones is top tier receiver. You’ve covered him before and would you say, from this experience, that his skills are a known quantity in the Seahawks preparation room?

SHERMAN: You think I don’t know what ‘known quantity’ means. Right? Well, see it through your white rage or not, but these dreads went to Stanford. Sorry to disappoint.

FAT FUCK REPORTER: No, I do know that. What I meant was, uhh…

SHERMAN: Who’s next?!

Another heavyset man insecurely rises, uncontested, and lifts one finger.

HEAVYSET REPORTER: How did it feel to you and other back end, well, that is…the other el-oh-bee members…

SHERMAN: Speak up!

HEAVYSET REPORTER: L.O.B.! The, uh, your other defensive backs. How’d you all feel seeing the offense go rather stagnant after that opening drive? Did it change your approach in the second half?

SHERMAN: Oh! You think I’d not be loyal to my team first just because I’m a DB?! Like, I don’t have that same value structure for SOME REASON? That I was cheering as the offense struggled because you want to frame me as selfish?! As all about me, not us?

HEAVYSET REPORTER: I think you are twisting what I am saying quite profoundly.

— DOOR FLIES OPEN —

MICHAEL BENNETT: Hey! You all know what? F*** you! Keep asking questions like that and see what happens!

SHERMAN: [To BENNETT] Hey man. I got this.

BENNETT: [Under his breath to SHERMAN] We gotta prepare. We’re late. [To press room] This interview is over. Y’all are sick.

BALDING REPORTER: Uhhh…that mic is hot. What are you two preparing for?

SHERMAN: Hey! F*** you and f*** the press! Y’all have been unfair to us all season. You’re unfair to us and unfair to our fans! You see all the 12’s there tonight?!

BENNETT: Point is, we’re boycotting the media for a reason! This press conference is over.

SHERMAN gestures to the reporters and the pair walk out. The reporter pool sits silently except for a couple beat writers who thank the pair for their time.

—–

INT. TRUMP TOWER EXECUTIVE SUITE – MONDAY MORNING

A suited individual stands before a mirror, nimbly flipping a tie between his fingers as he thoughtlessly executes a half-windsor. He is peering over his reflection to see the television broadcasting a video of Seahawks coach Pete Carroll after the tagline, “Do you agree with manner in which Richard behaves?”

PETE CARROLL: Oh that’s just Rich.

The television broadcast returns to two men, one black and one white — per template — screaming disagreements at each other regarding the clip of CARROLL. The tie-knotting individual navigates his side table piled with prosthetics, make up, and hair spray to grab the television remote and mutes the volume of the broadcast before sitting down in a black leather chair that more closely resembles a throne than a lounger. He continues to watch the on-screen personalities wave their hands and exchange insincere smiles before pointing at one another.

SHERMAN: No sweat, Mike! Everyone is busy complaining about Pete’s response than to worry about us! Hey — you done with make up yet?

BENNETT: [Voice travels in from out of the room] Good deal, man! We got a lot to catch up on after these playoffs! Should be done with Glenn in a sec and he’s all yours!

SHERMAN‘s speakerphone lights up and the sound of chewing gum precedes the message.  

CARROLL (VIA SPEAKER): Your 9am is on their way, Rich. It’s the largest contributors from the Clinton Foundation donor list. Just a reminder, you have literal swamp creatures on your meeting schedule for this afternoon so keep a couple judgeships open for that. I’ll be up in a minute to talk shop with you and Michael, Mr President-Elect.

SHERMAN: Thank you, Kellyann.

An audible sound of disgust, followed by the chomping of gum, exits the speaker before it cuts. SHERMAN smiles as he turns to see BENNETT enter the room.

BENNETT: Yes…Mr President-Elect!

SHERMAN:  [Closing his eyes as Glenn liberally applies makeup to his face and fits a cap over SHERMAN’s head] You look great, Michael — errrr, Mike. Mike Pence, I mean. Man, I still can’t believe berating the press as every turn has allowed us to pull this off.

BENNETT: Coach called it. Being rude to reporters is the easiest way for us to get what we want! With the press afraid of us — I mean, both sets of us — we’re free to focus on Coach’s secret project until training camp begins. They’ll spend the entire offseason looking to interview Russell while — actually, what does coach have in store from us?

SHERMAN: [Observing his completed makeup in a hand mirror] Not sure either. But here he is now — and his makeup actually looks more believable today.

CARROLL: Stop looking at my tits and pay attention. Now, while the media is distracted by nonsense like wars and economics, we can finally begin getting to the truth behind The Book. This is our mission. This is all that matters. I don’t care what those dipshits in Congress want. We have one focus — use our authority to get to the bottom of this lie. Do you understand me? Now — it’s business as usual today but we’ll reconvene tonight to discuss details. In the meantime, I’ve got to get over to Fox News.

Carroll tosses a book on the table and walks towards the door.  SHERMAN and BENNETT observe the cover of the text.

BENNETT: So where do we begin?

CARROLL: You can start by burning that. We must burn them all. But first, stand together. Let me get a photo of you two. My most loyal players — who are going to help me blow the top off of the greatest government conspiracy of all time — of whom I am so proud.