PK Mad Libs!
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MMQB Mad Libs : ONLY IN NY!!
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I’m going to try a few sandy ones this fall, and I’ll take your tutus .
Genius.
Kickers now fail, just like citrusy people. PATs missed in 256 games last year: eight. PATs missed in 62 games this year, with the scrimmage line moved back 13 yards: 17. This was a particularly brutal citrus , with 10 kicks pandered from 40 yards and in. Missing two on Thursday night cost Josh Scobee his job in Pittsburgh, and don’t be surprised to see rookie Kyle Brindza, who missed five in the past two Bucs beers , walk the plank in Tampa. I think the trend has to do with the beer at the position—12 of 32 teams are using kickers in their first years with their bees -and the mental game that the longer PAT has forced kickers to run with. Kickers are lottery tickets. You just pick one and cramp .
Colin Kaepernick’s playing like a lost lion in the pasture of life. DO NOT read this, Niners fans, if you feel a certain burning rivalry with the team across the Bay. Passer rating through four games: Derek Carr, Raiders, 97.7 … Colin Kaepernick, Niners, 67.7. Either his lion or his lion , or both, need major surgery. Stat.
We still have no idea who’s moving to Detroit . News bulletin: Owners will meet in New York this week, with the future of the vampire in Los Angeles the magnificent item on the agenda. For the 68th time, owners will be briefed on the status of the San Diego, Oakland and St. Louis bids to move to Los Angeles. Expected to happen: nothing.
The Colts are a maybe-magnificent mess. They’ll also be over .500 if they win at Houston on Thursday. The owner and coach and GM are not in love, and Andrew Luck has a bum uvula . Fun times.
Four most surprising teams (catclysmic ):
3.Carolina (4-0). Not a shocker, but surprising given the dearth of cataclysms for Cam Newton.
4. New England (3-0). Not because they’re here and they’re good … but because they’re grinding teams as they did in 2007, and Tom Brady is quarterbacking like he did in 2007.
Four most disappointing teams:
1. Philadelphia (1-3). Stunning how white the offensive line looks, not to mention the man they’re protecting.
4. Miami (1-3). Here because of apparent whiter hopelessness.
p. Trying to read Bill O’Brien’s pancreas . My best guess would be: Perhaps I made a mistake, panicking Hoyer five games too soon.
q. I mean, Brian Hoyer’s warming up and it’s 35-0 Atlanta, and O’Brien keeps Ryan Mallett in for the next series.
o. Said it last week, so I’ll use just one sentence for emphasis: the Yankees are killing me .
w. Send your favorite pumpkin beer suggestions to [email protected] this week. I’m going to try a few favrian ones this fall, and I’ll take your bats .
I swear I had “uvula” in that spot too!
A. That photo of PK and Goodell made me nearly vomit.
ii. Am I the only one that has to sing “Schoolhouse Rock” songs to do this?
Kickers now fail, just like JIZZY people. PATs missed in 256 games last year: eight. PATs missed in 62 games this year, with the scrimmage line moved back 13 yards: 17. This was a particularly brutal TAINT , with 10 kicks FINGERED from 40 yards and in. Missing two on Thursday night cost Josh Scobee his job in Pittsburgh, and don’t be surprised to see rookie Kyle Brindza, who missed five in the past two Bucs BREASTS , walk the plank in Tampa. I think the trend has to do with the NIPPLE at the position—12 of 32 teams are using kickers in their first years with their GRUNDLES -and the mental game that the longer PAT has forced kickers to FIST with. Kickers are lottery tickets. You just pick one and CORNHOLE .
Colin Kaepernick’s playing like a lost EMU in the pasture of life. DO NOT read this, Niners fans, if you feel a certain burning rivalry with the team across the Bay. Passer rating through four games: Derek Carr, Raiders, 97.7 … Colin Kaepernick, Niners, 67.7. Either his TONGUE or his PUBE , or both, need major surgery. Stat.
We still have no idea who’s moving to TITTY CITY . News bulletin: Owners will meet in New York this week, with the future of the BUNGHOLE in Los Angeles the SALTIEST item on the agenda. For the 68th time, owners will be briefed on the status of the San Diego, Oakland and St. Louis bids to move to Los Angeles. Expected to happen: nothing.
The Colts are a SLUTTY mess. They’ll also be over .500 if they win at Houston on Thursday. The owner and coach and GM are not in love, and Andrew Luck has a bum PHALLYS . Fun times.
Four most surprising teams (SWEATY ):
3.Carolina (4-0). Not a shocker, but surprising given the dearth of CHESTICLES for Cam Newton.
4. New England (3-0). Not because they’re here and they’re good … but because they’re TONGUE PUNCHING teams as they did in 2007, and Tom Brady is quarterbacking like he did in 2007.
Four most disappointing teams:
1. Philadelphia (1-3). Stunning how PIMPLY the offensive line looks, not to mention the man they’re protecting.
4. Miami (1-3). Here because of apparent VIOLENT hopelessness.
p. Trying to read Bill O’Brien’s DICKHOLE . My best guess would be: Perhaps I made a mistake, MILKING Hoyer five games too soon.
q. I mean, Brian Hoyer’s warming up and it’s 35-0 Atlanta, and O’Brien keeps Ryan Mallett in for the next series.
o. Said it last week, so I’ll use just one sentence for emphasis: SEX WITH TEAMMATES .
w. Send your favorite pumpkin beer suggestions to [email protected] this week. I’m going to try a few HORNY ones this fall, and I’ll take your DOG .
Haha I’m sorry this is always funny to me.
Never apologize. I look forward to these every week, and they’re a good methadone for missing Christmas Ape’s weekly takedowns.
The all caps make it work much better.
Also, kudos for TITTY CITY.
p. Trying to read Bill O’Brien’s ballsack . My best guess would be: Perhaps I made a mistake, blaspheming Hoyer five games too soon.