Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week Five

I thank the good members of the Commentist Party for pointing out what my 2015 Donks are really like – the 2000 Balmer Ratbirds, who won a Super Bowl with a ferocious defense and a Trent Dilfer. Now, we just have to get teh PeyPey’s performance up to baseline Dilfer level. /sobs uncontrollably OK, now that I have that out of the way, I would like to nominate that my fellow faithful amongst the Commentists start worshipping Brandon McManus and Wade Phillips (yeah, WADE MUTHAFLIPPIN PHILLIPS, yo) as our footy gods.

Washington’s defense is an untold success story of the season, and especially Week 5. They played their asses off today, but could only hold out against the incompetence of Kirk Cousins for so long. 2-3s for eveybody, but I felt bad for the Skins Commentists today. I suspect that game film will be quite instructional for future Falcons opponents. MUCH more fraudulent 5-0 than Denver.

Maybe Cincy is not a fraudulent 5-0 after all? I mean, it’s hard to spunk over coming back from a 7-24 hole against a desperate Seahawks team that is usually excellent at protecting leads of any size. They are winning games in ways one would expect them to Bungle away. Vexing. My brother and his ginger son are gonna buzzing come holiday season.

Poor Kansas City. They saw their season go down in flames (Charles ACL), and blew a 17-3 lead to Catler. Who knew that having a short FG blocked (would have made it 20-3) would wind up being such a big fucking deal? But Bears fans, that is the upside of Fox ball. Your teams will keep fighting like that, even when it seems fucking hopeless.

I hope you were watching Red Zone for that fucking Barnidge catch today. Holy fucking shit. Because Factory, I was certain that play meant they were destined to lose. But the Ravens herp-a-derp was too strong. That is a dumpster fire trumped only by…

Holy Jeebus Tapdancing Christ, Detroit. Don’t even bother to pretend you haven’t quit on Jim Caldwell. I pity da fool who invested heavily in the Lions’ offense, figuring there would at least be garbage time volume yards and points to be had. Golden Tate was indeed my highest bid WR at auction, but thank fuck I have benched him 3 weeks running for the waiver wire fodder of James Jones, Michael Crabtree, and/or Ted Ginn. Or this week, I finally started my last $1 bid, Willie Snead. Deep rosters, hallelujah.

Doopy Pantz may want to have somebody else start his car this week. I am gonna keep trying to make CasselVANIA! a thing, damn it. It was a staple of my junior high 7-11 before school existence. That and Paperboy!

Jags/Bucs might have been the most entertaining fixture of the day. The NFL is really fucking weird sometimes.

Green Bay looked kinda half-assed again. The NBC pre-game is currently bloviating about how awesome they and the (barf) Pats are, but fuck if I see it. The Pack have been sloppy against a slew of mediocrities through 5 weeks, and only putrid Nick Foles play and Jeff Fisher’s idiotic refusal to ride Todd Gurley in the red zone (psssttt, you can throw the ball to him, it’s totes legal) after he gashed Clay Clay and palz between the 20s all afternoon allowed them to skate today. What a shitty run-on sentence.

Sunday Night Football promised to be a shitshow, and was instead wildly entertaining! Neither of these teams is worth a wad of monkeyfuck, but I’ll be damned if I wasn’t glad I had to stay up until almost midnight to do laundry anyway, and had this game to keep me company. Elisha to Vereen won a shit ton of fantasy matchups that were assumed beyond repair.

Yes, the goddamned Pats are the best team in the goddamned league, and no, it isn’t the least bit goddamned close. Godfuckingdamnit.

Pray to your Wade Phillips icon that one of the Donks’ out-for-blood front seven eviscerates Dreamboat when he visits Mile High. I’m sure The Rog will suspend the entire team for the rest of the season, but FACK IT, we will take one for the rest of the league. WE COOL LIKE DAT.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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CBQUE

Sorry The Pats aren’t the best team and no this is not hating. They’ve beaten in order, A Steelers team missing it’s leading rusher and second receiver, An average Bills team led by a QB making his third start in which they gave up 30 second half points, the Jaguars, I’m supposed to be impressed by them hanging 51 on that team? Last they beat The Dallas Cowboys who were missing their two best offensive players. Truth be told Cincy has been more impressive. Yeah they may implode in January but you know what maybe their D can keep this up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You use Foles’ poor play and opponents coaching (still amases me that people from their couches know SO much more than people who are highly paid, been doing something for their entire lives and risen to the top of their respective professions, but that is what fandom and the internet are all about). Anyway; the Packers beat the shit out of Foles and forced him into most of those mistakes, are you a Redzone watcher? Both the Packers and the Pats would beat the holy shit out of the Donks at this point in the season.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

While I agree with the assessment of who’ve they’ve beaten I still think the Pats are one or two based on what I’ve seen, how healthy they are, how well the lines are playing, etc. We will revisit mid-season.

Bloody Lethal

Hey fellas ain’t life grand?

/don’t bring up any almost-interceptions from the Giants game I can’t hear you nana nana na NA

blaxabbath

Looks like the playoff teams will be wrapped up by the end of Week 12 with the way things are going. Sure, the NFC South and East will have to settle on division “champions” but the AFC East (and we all know how that one goes) and the NFC South are the only two conferences with more than one team above .500.

I’d like to see what the guys who make the schedule are saying about this season. I mean, this cannot be the product that they expect to see broadcasted.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This really isn’t the place but…the Broncos are NOT a good team. I don’t even think it’s likely that they win a single playoff game, much less dethrone the Patriots.

ballsofsteelandfury

I will be happy if they end Brady’s career.

sunrisesunrise

“Dr.” Alex Guerrero will be there to save it though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t wish injury on players myself, well unless they are rapists, or dog torturers, or gun couch abusers. The other thing about an injury is it provides the Tawwwmyys with an excuse. I just love seeing the team lose full strength.

ballsofsteelandfury

That won’t happen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You mean they won’t lose at full strength? We’ll see.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, they ARE a good team, but they are definitely not top tier. Unless they improve markedly they will loose to the Packers, Pats, and Bengals, plus a couple to the others but still win the division, then one and done.

theeWeeBabySeamus

“I hope you were watching Red Zone for that fucking Barnidge catch today. Holy fucking shit. Because Factory, I was certain that play meant they were destined to lose. But the Ravens herp-a-derp was too strong.”

I’ve never been so happy to have been unable to see a Ravens’ game…at least after the fact. Driving during game yesterday, I bemoaned and internalized the unused Sunday of Season Ticket and Redzone. Walked in the door and turned it on as teh Factory was setting up for the OT gamewinner. Saw the replay of the calf catch later.

/rips dish out of the ground, beats self on head with same

ballsofsteelandfury

Um, do you realize you can stream it on your phone? I was at the bike shop yesterday when I saw that on Red Zone.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, but opted not to for multiple reasons.
Not the least of which being that to watch any of MY teams, college or pro, I am at the point in the season where BAC north of .15 is required.

“PointTwoOh-Recommended” should have been my username, in fact.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I mean, it wasn’t THAT hard to predict, but still…

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2015/09/01/chiefs-preview-draft/

ballsofsteelandfury

I thought very hard (heh) about writing a post about this, but I don’t want to incur any more wrath. I will just say that I spent a lovely Sunday watching the entire 12 episode run of Prison School. I highly recommend it to the Commentist Party. Great animation and visuals, but also pretty fucking funny.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll just leave this here:
comment image

WCS

BAH GAWD, KING! BAH GAWD! SHE KILLED HIM! SHE KILLED HIM! SHE KILLED HIM, KING! AS GAWD AS MAH WITNESS, HE IS BROKEN IN HALF!

Bloody Lethal

Netflix?

ballsofsteelandfury

YouTube, surprisingly enough. Also, kissanime had the entire season easily streamable. Here is the link:

http://kissanime.com/M?key=Prison+school&sort=search

Lothar of the Hill People

My comment is awaiting moderation. Could it be because I mentioned a certain boner drug and that is a red flag for spam?

Lothar of the Hill People

I can’t believe the Bears are actually entertaining to watch. After their milquetoast coaching last year, it is honestly amazing that this team has any fight in them, even if Satan himself were whipping players on the sidelines. I’m cringing a little bit at what delusional Kool-Aid might be offered in Chicago should the Bears hit .500.

And honestly, you can never underestimate Detroit. They’re like counterfeit Viagra, getting people all semi-hard with anticipation, but then leaving all their stupid fans limp. And likely with kidney damage.

ballsofsteelandfury

The only thing I can think of is that the dreaded V word caused that. Weird.

Horatio Cornblower

Viagra will be our #upforwhatever moment.

Perhaps literally.

ballsofsteelandfury

If I were to go down to TJ and get some and add it to the prize pool for our prediction contest, do you think that would “raise” participation?

/sorry
//not sorry

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh