Your Early Slate Open Thread

We’re more than half way through the regular season. I’ve had a great time so far-oh, if my bottles of scotch could talk…they probably wouldn’t slur their words like I do. Moving on-

GB @ Car: Rodgers is sacked/pressured almost 40% of the time he drops back to pass and he faces another quality D that can really bring it. Lacy needs to stop with the donuts and start with the knockin’ defenders backwards. More good news for GB-starting CB’s Shields and Rollins are doubtful for the game. 7-0 Carolina is an underdog at home. This is only the second time since 1990 that has occurred. The Panthers are hoping that a potential win has nothing to do with WR Ginn, otherwise it will slip through their fingers.

Was @ NE: WE ARE ALL [INSERT TEAM HERE] FANS TODAY goes the refrain whenever someone plays the Pats. Actually, the Slurs don’t stand a damn chance and I’m not going to waste my time bothering to side with them. 20 TD’s and 1 Intercept-Br*dy’s playing at a ridiculous level. I hope he gets leveled.

Ten @ NO: Somethingberger goes back to the bench ’cause Mariota is able to play this week. Will Mularkey have the same effect on the Titans as Campbell had on the Fins? We’ll find out real quick. We’ll also find out what happens when a soft, squishy object collides with a vulnerable not-force. That would be a Titans WR group of draft bust Hunter, nobody Green-Beckham, lousy as hell Douglas and practice squadder Richardson clashing with a colander disguised as a Rob Ryan-led Saints secondary. Watson? Snead? Who are these people and what has Brees done with them? Well, made them relevant for one thing. That should continue as Titans CB’s McCourty and Wreh-Wilson aren’t likely to play.

Mia @ Buf: With DE Wake gone Miami’s sack rate drops from 7% down to 1.8%. The good news is that Bills QB Taylor gets sacked at the 5th highest rate of all players at his position. To no one’s surprise Harvin has gone over to the IR. Actually, that hip injury that he’s been dealing with for a few years now is a bit troubling. It sounds like a chronic condition and I’ll bet he’ll have mobility issues even earlier than the average retired football player. LB Brown and DE Dareus have been vocal in their criticism of Ryan’s “complicated” D packages. Given the talent on this D there’s no excuse for these guys not being a top 8 unit.

StL @ Min: Gurley is averaging 115 yds. per game but he’ll struggle to reach that in this game unless he breaks a long one. Hats off to Gregg Williams (?) of all people for making the Saint Looey D the 5th ranked in the league. I very much like the way these teams match up-they’re the 1st and 4th ranked red zone D’s, have strong running games and middling QB’s that will be running for their lives all afternoon. Sounds like a raucous, hard-hitting, low-scoring affair-just like a night on the town with Greg Hardy. Football Outsiders ranks Minny’s first seven games of the season as the easiest in the NFL. The kicker? They rate the Vikes remaining sked as the toughest.

Jax @ NYJ: One of these two teams leads the league defensively in fewest yards per rush and it isn’t the Jets. That’s right, the Jags did a good. Bortles still hasn’t won a road game in his career and it’s not likely to happen today but he has improved his QBR rating by 21 points on enemy fields. Progress! (is slow) Speaking of highly-ranked D’s the Jets come in at #2 overall. Revis will take WR Robinson out of the game so Hurns should get him some. At least that’s what my fantasy brain is telling me. Of course a Jets blog says they have no one to cover TE Thomas so I’m sure he’ll steal all the points.

Oak @ Pit: The Raiders have a winning record against only one team over the last ten years. Guess who they’re 4-1 against? Go ahead, I’ll wait. Good on you QB Carr-he’s improved his QBR from 28th (38.2) last year to 11th (65.8) this year. I don’t think anyone outside his mom and dad could have seen that coming. The Steel Sieve is 26th against the pass so WR’s Cooper and Crabtree have some easy catchin’ to do. The Steelers defensive captain Heyward will play Sunday despite seeing the birth of his first-born yesterday. Gotta hand it to him for going back out there so soon after seeing the old placenta plop onto the floor of the delivery room. (that sorta stuff stays with you, man) Beware WR Brown now that Ben is back. It’s just a matter of time before the both of them go off big time.

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

And now I’m stuck watching the flow. What did I do to deserve this?

Romonobyl

CBS has gone decidedly cougar-ish for it’s evening dramas. I’m quite alright with that.

Romonobyl

Yinzer Yakety Sax.

Mother Puncher

Arkansas did it better

ThursdaySkyGoddess

More lateral fail!

Doktor Zymm

This footballing has been quite exemplary. I’m totally okay with the fact that I have live wires hanging out of my ceiling (not really, I may have been traumatized by that goddamn fan, but I put wirebolts on the live ends) and a fan in pieces on my dining room floor, my team has been brutalized with no lube, and *unintelligible noise*. But the Panthers beat GB, I’ve had a lot of martinis, and I just might put on some sort of non-pants garment that nonetheless obscures my hooha and head outdoors to a bar.

Romonobyl

Something within staggering distance?

Doktor Zymm

That would be my corner bar. No real advantage over watching at home. If I were to put on garments, I would go at least 3 blocks. Murphy’s perhaps.

John Difool

Omar Epps hasn’t looked that pissed since ‘Juice’

Smithchez

Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Gabbert Gabbert

bourb0nblues

ZOMBIE GAME WILL NOT DIE

Sill Bimmons

Finally beat those fuckers.

Romonobyl

That just happened.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

WOOT!

Sill Bimmons

JUST KICK IT YO

Sill Bimmons

Oh shut up assholes.

Mother Puncher

I love how little Pittsburgh trusts their kicker.

John Difool

Raiders defense gonna Raiders

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Pack lateral fail!

Moonbatting Average

It took a while for the Raiders to Raider

Sill Bimmons

HOLY FUCKBALLS DAHNTAHN

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