Your Early Slate Open Thread

We’re more than half way through the regular season. I’ve had a great time so far-oh, if my bottles of scotch could talk…they probably wouldn’t slur their words like I do. Moving on-

GB @ Car: Rodgers is sacked/pressured almost 40% of the time he drops back to pass and he faces another quality D that can really bring it. Lacy needs to stop with the donuts and start with the knockin’ defenders backwards. More good news for GB-starting CB’s Shields and Rollins are doubtful for the game. 7-0 Carolina is an underdog at home. This is only the second time since 1990 that has occurred. The Panthers are hoping that a potential win has nothing to do with WR Ginn, otherwise it will slip through their fingers.

Was @ NE: WE ARE ALL [INSERT TEAM HERE] FANS TODAY goes the refrain whenever someone plays the Pats. Actually, the Slurs don’t stand a damn chance and I’m not going to waste my time bothering to side with them. 20 TD’s and 1 Intercept-Br*dy’s playing at a ridiculous level. I hope he gets leveled.

Ten @ NO: Somethingberger goes back to the bench ’cause Mariota is able to play this week. Will Mularkey have the same effect on the Titans as Campbell had on the Fins? We’ll find out real quick. We’ll also find out what happens when a soft, squishy object collides with a vulnerable not-force. That would be a Titans WR group of draft bust Hunter, nobody Green-Beckham, lousy as hell Douglas and practice squadder Richardson clashing with a colander disguised as a Rob Ryan-led Saints secondary. Watson? Snead? Who are these people and what has Brees done with them? Well, made them relevant for one thing. That should continue as Titans CB’s McCourty and Wreh-Wilson aren’t likely to play.

Mia @ Buf: With DE Wake gone Miami’s sack rate drops from 7% down to 1.8%. The good news is that Bills QB Taylor gets sacked at the 5th highest rate of all players at his position. To no one’s surprise Harvin has gone over to the IR. Actually, that hip injury that he’s been dealing with for a few years now is a bit troubling. It sounds like a chronic condition and I’ll bet he’ll have mobility issues even earlier than the average retired football player. LB Brown and DE Dareus have been vocal in their criticism of Ryan’s “complicated” D packages. Given the talent on this D there’s no excuse for these guys not being a top 8 unit.

StL @ Min: Gurley is averaging 115 yds. per game but he’ll struggle to reach that in this game unless he breaks a long one. Hats off to Gregg Williams (?) of all people for making the Saint Looey D the 5th ranked in the league. I very much like the way these teams match up-they’re the 1st and 4th ranked red zone D’s, have strong running games and middling QB’s that will be running for their lives all afternoon. Sounds like a raucous, hard-hitting, low-scoring affair-just like a night on the town with Greg Hardy. Football Outsiders ranks Minny’s first seven games of the season as the easiest in the NFL. The kicker? They rate the Vikes remaining sked as the toughest.

Jax @ NYJ: One of these two teams leads the league defensively in fewest yards per rush and it isn’t the Jets. That’s right, the Jags did a good. Bortles still hasn’t won a road game in his career and it’s not likely to happen today but he has improved his QBR rating by 21 points on enemy fields. Progress! (is slow) Speaking of highly-ranked D’s the Jets come in at #2 overall. Revis will take WR Robinson out of the game so Hurns should get him some. At least that’s what my fantasy brain is telling me. Of course a Jets blog says they have no one to cover TE Thomas so I’m sure he’ll steal all the points.

Oak @ Pit: The Raiders have a winning record against only one team over the last ten years. Guess who they’re 4-1 against? Go ahead, I’ll wait. Good on you QB Carr-he’s improved his QBR from 28th (38.2) last year to 11th (65.8) this year. I don’t think anyone outside his mom and dad could have seen that coming. The Steel Sieve is 26th against the pass so WR’s Cooper and Crabtree have some easy catchin’ to do. The Steelers defensive captain Heyward will play Sunday despite seeing the birth of his first-born yesterday. Gotta hand it to him for going back out there so soon after seeing the old placenta plop onto the floor of the delivery room. (that sorta stuff stays with you, man) Beware WR Brown now that Ben is back. It’s just a matter of time before the both of them go off big time.

 

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

YAY ANTONIO BROWN!

Moonbatting Average

What the fuck, Denver?

King Hippo

Quite subpar.

Sill Bimmons

CLOTSDOWN

A lot of QBs are going down and none of them are named Brady, why are the football gods so cruel.

Sill Bimmons

YOGABBADOWN

Smithchez

I cannot express how much I want Yo Gabbert Gabbert to do well enough for the rest of the season for the 49ers to keep him as their starter for next year. I don’t even hate the 49ers, that would just be hilarious.

entropy

I would have a good belly laugh for this, as well.

Sill Bimmons

Looks like a Lisfranc for THE BEN.

Smithchez

Any interest in Geno Smith? We don’t even want anything for him, you just have to pick him up from the airport.

entropy

$600. We want $600.

Sill Bimmons

Too much.

King Hippo

We should see one of my favourite things in CLT soon – the intentional safety.

Redshirt

Not Panthers. That would eliminate the two pt conversion

Old School Zero

#7and1

Doktor Zymm

This game is dumb. It’s happening how I want, but it’s dumb. I’m gonna put on a shirt or something and go out for the late games.

entropy

This is a good gif. This gif should be the guiding light to all other gifs. A gif messiah, if you will.

OK. Maybe I should slow down some.

Doktor Zymm

I have something similar, but without the nice embroidery. Mine’s suede though, that looks like cloth.

The Maestro

RODGERSCEPTION

Moonbatting Average

LOLdgers

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Rodgersception!

King Hippo

Panthers WOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sill Bimmons

Stillers season is officially over.

Close the book.

Smithchez

What the fuck are they chanting in Carolina?

Romonobyl

Something involving moonshine.

Redshirt

What have I missed so far?

Mother Puncher

Bengals still won.

bourb0nblues

THE BEN HAS OWIE

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

In his footspot.

entropy

*must not quote Airplane…. must not quote Airplane….*

Spanky Datass

Two overtime games with a third impending in Yinsberg?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

All the field goals.

Romonobyl

Ben’s off the field, so all the Ladies Rooms are on lockdown.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

The Bills showed what they can do with everyone healthy. Then McCoy got hurt

King Hippo

Crabtree WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/shit, my CBS feed won;t get to Donks game until 2nd half

Romonobyl

Insurmountable tie!

Romonobyl

WTF!?!

Romonobyl

OK I’ll admit…OAK/PIT has become watchable.

Smithchez

Uh, Pittsburgh? The game is still going.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

You absolute bastarding bastards!

JustStopDude
Sill Bimmons

INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD

Sill Bimmons

Derek Carr looks like Billie Joe from Green Day.

Sill Bimmons

Fucking idiots are going to blow this.

nomonkeyfun

The Jet game is already over. Even they can’t blow it from the post game locker room.

entropy

Please don’t challenge them like this.

bourb0nblues

Yup.

Doktor Zymm

Peanut!

Old School Zero

Carolina’s gotta dig deep to hold on to their exemplary one-loss season.

The Maestro

They’re definitely hoping hard that they can improve to 6-1 this week!

makeitsnowondem

+1 loss

John Difool

Carolina’s not used to digging deep, the reason Rae Carruth is in prison right now…. shouldn’t have thrown the body in a trunk.

Mother Puncher

Derek Carr looks like a Doonesbury character.

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comment image

Mother Puncher

Trying again:
comment image

Mother Puncher

**Fart Sound**

entropy

Site hates the “.jepg;” if you find one with .jpg, you’re good.

Doktor Zymm

Does that ref have a snakeskin loincloth? Or is that a towel? Whatever.

The Maestro

Why is Ron Rivera in a goddamn Army jacket??

King Hippo

He actually IS a military brat, so it’s kinda ok for him.

The Maestro

“Nah, it’s cool, I have Indian friends. GO [*Redacted] S”

Bortleback

Gotta give the military their moneys worth for all that advertising/patriotism they bought

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Intellectually I knew there must be black Packers fans, but it’s still somewhat jarring to see one on camera

entropy

There’s only one, and he’s who the rest mean when they say, “And I can say that, I have a black friend.”

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Steelers are making me binge all of my discount Halloween candy. It’s supposed to last me until Thanksgiving!

Sill Bimmons

All my good Tootsie Pops are gone. I only have chocolate left.

entropy

Man, if Tampa had an offense, the Giants would be in trouble.

Conversely, if the Giants had a defense, Tampa would be in trouble.

This is going to be the DerperBowl.

Oh Boss Todd, how a mob of Yinzers hasn’t lynched you yet I will never know.

King Hippo

well, he IS white

Sill Bimmons

wut

King Hippo

Boss Todd strikes back!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Oh god, hlnot more “was he a runner” crap

makeitsnowondem

Time once again to play America’s favorite game, What The Hell Is A Catch?

Smithchez

“Terrible fireworks incident”? Really, Hansen? The idiot blew his own hand up, it’s not like he was minding his business and got jumped by a group of unruly fireworks.

Sill Bimmons

A tad melodramatic.

The Maestro

PATHNERS

Sill Bimmons

Stumpy in at DE for Gints.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Taintsweat

King Hippo

Ted Ginn DID A GOOD.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I’m always shocked to find out he’s still in the league.

King Hippo

especially after the game he had Monday

Sill Bimmons

That’s not a catch.

Doktor Zymm

OUT OUT OUT

Doktor Zymm

Answer : A thing the undefeated Panthers can’t fill.
Question : What is a stadum, Alex?

Sill Bimmons

wow cam

Moonbatting Average

Dammit Cam

Smithchez

Holy shit, Green Bay!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Goddammit Cam!

Smithchez

Brandon Browner didn’t get called for a flag? Well no wonder the guy made the catch.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Mariotadown!