What: Thursday Night Football, Packers at Lions.

Where: Ford field in God forsaken Detroit.

When: Thursday night 12-3-15 at 7:25 Flyover State time.

Announcers: These two fucking jag-offs.

Oh for Christ’s sake.

Betting Line: Packers -3 and the over/under is 46.5

Key Injuries:

Packers: Ty Montgomery – out, Damarious Randall – questionable.

Lions: Golden Tate – probable, Lance Moore – out, Calvin Johnson – questionable, Matt Prater – questionable.

Now armed with all of this knowledge the all important question is, who do you root for?

Take it away Coach Zimmer!

“Well first of all, if you don’t like either team and consider yourself a football fan then you’ve got to root for the Lions.

If you’re from Detroit you have to root for the Lions. Shit half of that godawful city is a fucking war zone. Don’t they deserve a little sympathy? Jesus I think I would rather live in Mogadishu than Detroit. At least they have a fucking beach in Somalia.

If you’re a Packer fan? Root for the Lions you fat, pasty bastards. Even Detroit sneers at you pathetic brick-faced moon-pies. Get some goddamn self respect.

If you’re not a football fan? Root for the Lions. Check out those sweet Silver and Honolulu Blue uniforms. Much better than the baby shit and urine colors that those assholes from Green Bay wear. They stole that shit from the 1970’s era Oakland Athletics. It’s true! I keep expecting Aaron Rogers to grow a handlebar moustache and pretend he’s Rollie Fingers or some fucking body. Look at this shit and tell me I’m lying!

If you are a homosexual (not that there’s anything wrong with that) you have to root for the Lions. Look at that asshole Rogers. He’s in total denial. He could be a great spokesman for gay awareness if he would just drop the goddamn facade and come out. I bet he’s licked more balls than Neil Patrick Harris’ chihuahua.

Finally, if you’re not a fan of sports at all then you really need to root for the Lions. They have been so fucked up and downtrodden for so fucking long that life dictates you root for them. Who doesn’t love the goddamn underdog?

Quick story time: I was heading to the practice facility earlier this week and was stopped at a stop light when some dickless piece of pig shit in front of me threw a half full Hardees soda cup right out of his driver window into the street. Seeing as how we were stopped at a light, I stepped out of my car, picked up the soda cup, walked up to this shitheel’s BMW and just to get his attention, I ripped off one of his windshield wipers as I crumpled the cup. The silly fuck-nugget then gets all pissed off and finally steps out of his car. Well, I wiper-wipped that dirty shit stain with his own windshield wiper until he pissed himself, then dumped the remains of the soda cup right into his fat ugly face, then I took the crumbled up soda cup and shoved it in his stupid fucking gob until he looked like a suckling fucking pig. I let him know that I am most definitely not cool with people who litter. Fuck these littering fuck monkeys. Not in Coach Zimmer’s town.

And always remember ‘Fuck the Packers’. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a game plan to install against those cocksucking Seahawks.”