NYJ @ NYG: I like to think of this game as The Fetid Abominations versus All That Is Beautiful. The home team today are the All That Is Beautiful, er, the Giants and they should use that to their advantage-less travel time to the stadium, get to sleep at home, you know the drill. Revis is out so WR Beckham should have himself a game. Both teams need this game desperately so it’ll be a tie. QB Harvard-who 15 years from now will be penning a 500 page Anti-Capitalism Manifesto! from the comfort of his cave in The Appalachians-has only been sacked 12 times this year. The Giants have the lowest number of sacks in the league. So that’s good for someone.

Ari @ StL: The Rams have lost their last 4 while the Cards have gone 4-0 during the same time. Zona is staring at a first round bye and home court advantage in the second round. With RB’s Johnson and Ellington out the Cards will have to go with rook RB Johnson. Does this team just produce Johnsons in their down time? Surely they could be doing more productive things-like finding a more productive WR that goes by the name of…you know.

Atl @ TB: Does anyone mamember when the Falcons were 6-1 and cruising? That was a long time ago. RB Freeman looks to be back and that might help to right the offensive ship. QB Ryan’s stats have taken a nosedive since his fave handoff went out with an injury. The Bucs continue to surprise with a 5-6 record at this point. They’re one of 47 teams in the hunt for that elusive NFC wild-card berth. What happened? Well, I’m glad you asked-QB Winston’s play has steadily improved, RB Martin has returned to his Muscle Hamster status and the D has shown flashes of near-competence under the leadership of HC Smith.

Sea @ Min: This is a beefy game with all kinds of play-off ramification thingies that I’m much too lazy to run through. Suffice it to say, the winner goes on to play next week just like the loser. QB Wilson’s play has improved of late but on zee road he sports a 6 TD/6 Intercept stat line. RB Rawls has filled in well for Lynch and he’ll be handling the ball again today. Good luck against that Minny run D. (they are banged up a bit though) AP keeps rolling along fantasy-wise-he’s tallied 27+ points in two of the last three games. QB Bridgewater is doing his game-managing best, throwing at a 65% clip and putting up a 64.2 QBR.

Hou @ Buf: QB’s Hoyer and Taylor have played major roles in the successes of their respective teams. Both have thrown for over 1900 yards and their 15/5 and 14/4 TD/Intercept ratios are impressive. I’d give the edge to Taylor though because he doesn’t have access to “just throw it to me, I’m open even when I’m not” WR Hopkins. Hoyer has had great help from a D that has given up only 6 points in three of the last four games. That Bills D that looked so good earlier has surrendered 34 to the Jags and 30 to KC recently. Buffalo defenders continue to implore Rex to let them attack more.

Bal @ Mia: Both these guys are 4-7 and waiting on next year, WHICH WILL BE MUCH BETTER, DAMMIT! Despite absorbing a jaw-dropping (breaking?) amount of injuries, all of the Ravens wins and losses thru their first 11 games have been by 8 points or less. The Fins look to set a new franchise record with their 7th straight non-winning season. Get your champagne flute ready, Mercury Morris-you’ve got so little else.

Cin @ Cle: Sadness Ahoy! Today it manifests itself in the form of QB Austin Davis-he’s the 24th starter at that spot since 1999. He will lose and most likely be embarrassed in the process. It is “The Cleveland Way”.

Jax @ Ten: Jax slowly trundles along towards respectability and… maybe a play-off spot? They’re only 2 games out of the top spot in the AFC South. (although Houston seems to be in ascendance) Meanwhile the 2-9 Titans and their fans have joined together to ask, “Is it over yet?”.

SF @ Chi: San Fran is the only team yet to score a TD in the first quarter. That’ll get you behind early, won’t it? Are yea desperate for a TE? You could do worse than Niner Vance McDonald. (who?) He’s got 2 TD’s and 136 yards receiving the last two weeks. At RB Shaun Draughn (who?) gets the start this week. The Bears have won only one game at home so far but they’ve faced the likes of Minny, Denver, GB and the Cards. They should clean up against San Fran.