Your Week 15 Early Slate Open Thread

Chi @ Min: Cutler really likes WR Jeffrey-the latter is targeted 35% of the time on pass plays. The problem today is that Alshon is listed as questionable. Sooo….go Cam Meredith! (who?) SOMEBODY has to help Cutler break his tie with Pheel Simms on the all-time TD list. Eight of the last ten Bears games have been decided by 4 points or fewer. All respect to Minny defenders Barr, Smith and Joseph-when they aren’t on the field the Vikes give up 2 more yards per play. The first two are out today and Joseph looks like a game-timer.

Atl @ Jax: The Falcons are 6-7 but at this point are much lousier than that. Their last win was a 10-7 squeak job versus the Titans. That and a 38-0 humbling by the Panthers last week tells you exactly where they are as a team. I admit I’ve got a soft spot for the pleasantly surprising Jags. The last two years they’ve averaged just 15 points per game-over their last nine they’re scoring 29 and change. Peak Bortles-mania may be a little ways away at this point but if Jax can focus on the D in the draft next spring Florida may finally have something to be proud of in the future.

Hou @ Ind: How does a surging Texans team spell “bourble”? T-J Y-A-T-E-S and his sub 50% completion rate spell bourble. This battle of 6 and 7’s will go quite some way in determining the “winner” of the AFC South but you knew that. I say put QB Whitehurst in there for the Colts in order to level the playing field. Although if Watts and Clowney have their way it may happen at some point regardless.

Car @ NYG: Them Panters are only favoured by a measley 4 points. Why? Perhaps it’s because the Giants love playing undefeated teams after wk. 10 of the season. They are 4-0 in those games. CB Norman and WR Beckham will see each other this game but it won’t quite be a ‘showdown’. You see, Norman tends to stick to the outside while Beckham plays about 20% of the time in the slot. I’m thinking that that percentage will increase as the Giants will try to create scoring opportunities for their star WR.

Ten @ NE: The Lamb Lies Down On Gillette Stadium.

Buf @ Was: The Slurs have allowed the most long TD’s (20 or more yards in the air) and Tyrod has thrown the most in the league this year. If Rex can do the old “2+2=4” then you may want to pull WR Watkins out of your holster if you’re in some fantasy playoff thingy. It’s Pride Day in Buffalo because that’s all they’re playing for. But Washington is playing for something far more important-the honour of being pitilessly stomped into the dirt by whatever wildcard team plays them should they make the post-season.

KC @ Bal: Looks as though the Chiefs will have to do without manbeast Justin Houston for the rest of the regular season. Dee Ford (who?) picked up the slack last week however when he recorded three sacks. With the Jets having won last night pressure is on KC to do the same. This is not an impossible task against a clearly discouraged Ravens squad.

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John Difool

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Gratliff

deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerp

King Hippo

FUMBRE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sharkbait

Oh manning.

Gratliff

Ugggggggggggggggggggggggh

Smithchez

Afternoon, gents. I miss anything aside from OBJ being kind of a huge douchebag?

John Difool

ODB Jr. is a God amongst men.

Senor Weaselo

Finnegan getting burned by someone? DRINK.

nomonkeyfun

So the Giants score the TD, kick PAT, then give up quick score and 2 pt conversion.
That’s how it has to end, right?

Senor Weaselo

Nah, field goal by Gano.

nomonkeyfun

Yeah, I was blanking on the actual score.

I think at least one really dumb defensive penalty.

Senor Weaselo

Long kickoff return with a facemask.

Gratliff

Ugh. There’s gonna be so much smug in DC and New York

Senor Weaselo

Batted down by JPP? Don’t you mean clubbed down?

Sharkbait

How that thing is legal boggles my mind.

Romonobyl

The Colts are going to lose to Doopy Pantz. I repeat…the Colts are going to lose to a Cowboy’s reject.

American Pie Story

I cannot fucking believe this

King Hippo

sad trombone

/sorry, Pie – you can console me later once my Donks are done fucking up

American Pie Story

Hugs and booze

American Pie Story

Welp, we derped last, Sill.

Sill Bimmons

Tragic.

Romonobyl

I just saw a Fiat commercial. GUESS WHAT YOU GUYS? Star Wars opens this week.

Romonobyl

I just saw a Fiat commercial. GUESS WHAT YOU GUYS?

Romonobyl

WTF?

Sill Bimmons

UGLYBURGERCEPTION

Senor Weaselo

CHICKENGEORGEDOWN

Sill Bimmons

welp

John Difool

Well, There goes any chance of Eli getting new Star Wars toys from grampy Coughlin this Christmas.

Sill Bimmons

THEY WHO DERP LAST USUALLY LOSE

American Pie Story

*fingers crossed for Doopy Pantz derp*

Sharkbait

Giants: We dont want to win this game!

Panthers: Fuck you, yes you do!

Senor Weaselo

DERP-OFF!

Spanky Datass

The damn P*ts are not going to c*ver!

Shogun Marcus

Wait for it…

Spanky Datass

Good call; high five!

Romonobyl

FUMBRE!!!

American Pie Story

Fuck you Griff Whalen

Sharkbait

There’s the backbreaking Manningception.

Bortleback

With his brother injured/benched, it falls to Eli to ruin the hopes of an entire franchise just when their hopes are up

Romonobyl

How DARE you forget about…what’s his name…oh yeah, COOPER!!!

Sill Bimmons

So much for that.

Senor Weaselo

Nicks did fall down there.

Senor Weaselo

Falldownception!

American Pie Story

Hassel’s back!

Sharkbait

Giants competence?

hippofant

NOPE.

King Hippo

ruh roh, Panthers

Senor Weaselo

IT’S PLAUSIBLY HAPPENING?

Sill Bimmons

NOAP

John Difool
Sill Bimmons

That blocked punt almost hit the overhead camera!

Sill Bimmons

or fg whatev

Recovery Whiskey

A drunken pre-festivus salute to all you punks and punkettes

Sill Bimmons

I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE

King Hippo

It doesn’t matter if the Jaguras want it or not. Destiny wants them.

Sill Bimmons
American Pie Story

A Jared promo and a Subway promo in Indianapolis doesn’t seem right at all tbh

Senor Weaselo

American Idol: The Farewell Season. Maybe you’ll watch it again! Please?

Sill Bimmons

I’ll watch Simon yell at the sillies again.

That never ceases to be amusing.

John Difool

Finally, our national nightmare is over….. until the next one.

Romonobyl

I think this would be a good concussion test for Hasselbeck. Make him watch 10 minutes of The View…if he vomits, he’s fine.

Sill Bimmons

Pretty sure Elizabeth isn’t his wife.

Romonobyl

Sister In Law…still counts.

American Pie Story

On the plus side neither team has put in a punter as emergency QB yet

Senor Weaselo

Boo.

King Hippo

paging Tom Tupa?

Sill Bimmons

JAX/ATL: WHO SORTA MAYBE WANTS IT

John Difool

Trod Taylor looked like an actual tie-rod there….. underneath the other teams bus…

American Pie Story

Well that was a good

Senor Weaselo

THIS ZACH METTENBERGER I CALL HIM STAN MARSH BECAUSE THE TITANS MIGHT COVER THE SPREAD

Senor Weaselo

Wait, why’d it go here?

Sharkbait

Clipboard Jesus vs. Doopy Pantz. This is what we’ve sunk to.

Senor Weaselo

Potential playoff-determining game!

King Hippo

Clipboard Jesus in the Super Bowl would be too good to be true.

American Pie Story

And Fat Hump Local News was worried about Clipboars Jesus vs TJ Yates…

Romonobyl

One more dead QB…