Your Week 15 Early Slate Open Thread

Chi @ Min: Cutler really likes WR Jeffrey-the latter is targeted 35% of the time on pass plays. The problem today is that Alshon is listed as questionable. Sooo….go Cam Meredith! (who?) SOMEBODY has to help Cutler break his tie with Pheel Simms on the all-time TD list. Eight of the last ten Bears games have been decided by 4 points or fewer. All respect to Minny defenders Barr, Smith and Joseph-when they aren’t on the field the Vikes give up 2 more yards per play. The first two are out today and Joseph looks like a game-timer.

Atl @ Jax: The Falcons are 6-7 but at this point are much lousier than that. Their last win was a 10-7 squeak job versus the Titans. That and a 38-0 humbling by the Panthers last week tells you exactly where they are as a team. I admit I’ve got a soft spot for the pleasantly surprising Jags. The last two years they’ve averaged just 15 points per game-over their last nine they’re scoring 29 and change. Peak Bortles-mania may be a little ways away at this point but if Jax can focus on the D in the draft next spring Florida may finally have something to be proud of in the future.

Hou @ Ind: How does a surging Texans team spell “bourble”? T-J Y-A-T-E-S and his sub 50% completion rate spell bourble. This battle of 6 and 7’s will go quite some way in determining the “winner” of the AFC South but you knew that. I say put QB Whitehurst in there for the Colts in order to level the playing field. Although if Watts and Clowney have their way it may happen at some point regardless.

Car @ NYG: Them Panters are only favoured by a measley 4 points. Why? Perhaps it’s because the Giants love playing undefeated teams after wk. 10 of the season. They are 4-0 in those games. CB Norman and WR Beckham will see each other this game but it won’t quite be a ‘showdown’. You see, Norman tends to stick to the outside while Beckham plays about 20% of the time in the slot. I’m thinking that that percentage will increase as the Giants will try to create scoring opportunities for their star WR.

Ten @ NE: The Lamb Lies Down On Gillette Stadium.

Buf @ Was: The Slurs have allowed the most long TD’s (20 or more yards in the air) and Tyrod has thrown the most in the league this year. If Rex can do the old “2+2=4” then you may want to pull WR Watkins out of your holster if you’re in some fantasy playoff thingy. It’s Pride Day in Buffalo because that’s all they’re playing for. But Washington is playing for something far more important-the honour of being pitilessly stomped into the dirt by whatever wildcard team plays them should they make the post-season.

KC @ Bal: Looks as though the Chiefs will have to do without manbeast Justin Houston for the rest of the regular season. Dee Ford (who?) picked up the slack last week however when he recorded three sacks. With the Jets having won last night pressure is on KC to do the same. This is not an impossible task against a clearly discouraged Ravens squad.

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

GINNDOWN!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

It was really adorable how the Giants thought they had that drive stalled.

Senor Weaselo

I still don’t know how Ted Ginn always seems to fuck up the Giants.

Bortleback

JPP giving Cam a congratulatory pat on the back with his club during that run

Spanky Datass

Cam Newton runs for 47 yds because JPP couldn’t lay a finger on him. smdh

Spanky Datass
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well JPP isn’t good with anything explosive.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Dan Snyder has vowed to right a wrong:

Next year the team will be named the Washington Grimy Jew Lobbyists.

Senor Weaselo

Cam takes out the official as he gets tackled. Somehow that will be spun against him.

King Hippo

watching Cam play really is beautiful.

/no homo

Gratliff

Cam Newton: Loose Seal

blordinaryfagicmox

comment image

John Difool

Seems legit…

American Pie Story

Oh hai Pat Mcafee

Sill Bimmons

GO YOU STUPID RATBIRDS WOO

Senor Weaselo

Strange bedfellows… but I’m in the same boat, so GO YOU STUPID RATBIRDS

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s as if you were in the room with me when I just shouted that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pickle-Down

ThursdaySkyGoddess

EMUDOWN!

Sill Bimmons

Goddamn.

The Ravens steal EVERYTHING from the Steelers.

King Hippo

don’t be all jelly

Sill Bimmons

I’m not.

Just painting a purple stripe down the side doesn’t make the Bumblebee pants suck any less.

Gratliff

Slurs, Gints, and Iggles lose, and we’re guaranteed no team with a winning record comes out of the East. Iggles and Slurs can actually afford to lose 2 of their next 3 games. Think about how awful that is.

Senor Weaselo

Can we root for a tie between the Colts and whoever the hell they’re playing?

John Difool

Winning that division will be a pyrrhic victory indeed.

John Difool

Tyrod Taylor almost got deded…

Sill Bimmons

The idiots here think that the solution to casinos dying in Atlantic City is to build more casinos.

This despite the fact that NYC casinos are going to happen within ten years.

Here in New Jersey, “casino government” is the real fucking thing!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Here in Hudson County, Iranian-style government is preferred.

Bortleback

The solution is obviously a DerpKings Game-Of-Skill-And-Totally-Not-Chance House

Senor Weaselo

CHIPPY in Joisey.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DIGGSDOWN!

King Hippo

what is this, October?

Bortleback

What the fuck are the Ravens wearing? Did someone rob their real trousers?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well, wouldn’t be first first time a Raven ditched white trousers.

John Difool

SOON…..

King Hippo

Dear Fucking Red Zone,

The best thing about you is that you are NAWT the goddamned P*ts/Titans shitshow that CBS is showing to, like, the entire country. PLEASE stop compounding the agony.

Yours in Christ,

Hippo

American Pie Story

Come watch my derp fest :Db

King Hippo

I totes picked you to win in he DFO contest!!

American Pie Story

Ha thanks!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

WTF are the Ravens wearing?

theeWeeBabySeamus

A persistent and growing stink of derp.

Senor Weaselo

“Your chores aren’t done, Scotchman? Quick, to hide out in the Liquorcave!”

King Hippo

My favourite thing about bleak Scandinavian fiction? The spelling of pyjamas.

Senor Weaselo
King Hippo

I guess the Redacteds know Dok’s in town this weekend, too!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hippo Headphones.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I see the Giants have reached full derp WITHOUT the defense.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/179fde8833681804a7879f1741127432/tumblr_mjguce6u4R1ro8ysbo1_400.gif

Senor Weaselo

Afternoon human beings.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gojira shimmies quite nicely.

King Hippo

Gratliff

OBJ just taunting Giants fans now

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Much better than LBJ taunting Kennedy fans.

King Hippo

Yeah, that was fuckin’ bananas

Senor Weaselo

WELKAH CATCHES THAT BALL 800 TIMES OUT OF 100.

King Hippo

HAI NFL. <3 u bae

American Pie Story

HI HIPPO

King Hippo

welcome to our festivities, lovely Miss Pie!

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMAO…I just re-read the last page of last night’s game thread. I realize now that in my excitement over the Kitteh Powah, I misread your Appie getting killt remark. Thought you were referring to tomorrow’s UNC/App roundball, future getting killt.

Which I suppose was probably apparent in my response. LMFAO.

King Hippo

and they scored 3 TDs in like 2 minutes, making said post makes no sense anyway!

laserguru

C’mon boys. Time to stop fucking around and get your asses in the playoffs.

See you all between games.
SKOL.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

American Pie Story

Hey Sill

Spanky Datass

sup

eating chips and salsa maybe queso later i am a pig

Sill Bimmons

yo

got a grocery order coming ill figure out later

King Hippo

HAI SILL

HAI PIE

HAIL BLEERGH!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Did Troy Aikman eat someone?

John Difool

He has the mug of a heavy boozer…. you would too if you had to work with Joe Buck.

American Pie Story

We get Trent Green today. This oughta be fun.

Spanky Datass

“Who?” –Trent Green

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

OH MY GLOB! ROB RIGGLE IS RAPING THE GRINCH!!!!

Moonbatting Average

MEN: Matt Ryan or Tyrod Taylor?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’d like to see his Ty-rod… mmmmm.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spanky Datass

Bikinis and horses are a solid foundation for a successful vacation.

http://ero-top.com/uploads/posts/2012-09/1347064618_photo_ero-top.com_19.jpg

Sharkbait

Why is Jim Rome still a thing?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Unfortunately.

I wish “Chrissy” Everet would had just killed him and aquitted on a technicality.

John Difool

Everett should have a bronze bust in the HOF for that alone.

laserguru

The crazy red head sent me a Christmas present of olive oil with garlic and chardonnay another extra virgin olive oil with black truffles and a grey finishing salt with black truffles.
She knows me well.
Think we’ll be having some crepes this evening.

Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like you’ll be having more than crepes.

Horatio Cornblower

Pride Day in Buffalo you say?

http://queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com/wp/docs/2012/06/IMG_8107.jpg

Well all right!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’m Grand Marshal of it! Not to mention, in keeping in tune with Buffalo, those women smell like a Superfund site!

King Hippo

Kenny Stabler is probably my favourite non-Ray Guy Raider. Looking forward to that “A Football Life.” They’ve been subpar of late.

King Hippo

Speaking of Pride, you’ve gotta be REALLY dedicated to go with assless chaps in WNY in December ,, smgdh

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m distressed that the best college basketball game in the early window (read: diversion from yet another Rat Bird home embarrassment) is Pitt/Davidson. And it’s too cold to play golf.

Mass consumption is, once again, the best answer. I am Jack’s raging bile duct.

Doktor Zymm

There is no reason for me to buy a plasma cutter. In fact, it would be a very dangerous thing to own, living in a condo with no dedicated, fire-proof work space as I do.

John Difool

What is this plasma cutter you speak of and why don’t I own one?

Doktor Zymm

Dude, plasma cutters are awesome. They use a stream of hot plasma to melt through metal like butter. The only problem is, you need a really steady hand otherwise you make really messy, wavy lines. Industrial plasma cutters are usually robot controlled.
comment image?h=318&w=288&hash=E0F9A714DF162D6BF037684417244B99399C6BB7

John Difool

Always looking for new toys to go with my favorite saying: “Hold my beer and watch this….”

Doktor Zymm

You know it’s a good party when everyone has to wear welding masks.

King Hippo

as much as we all drink and/or do drugs…

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

/fire department door flies open

Senor Weaselo

Is “it’s a plasma cutter” a reason?

What did I just watch on the NFL Network.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Did we get an early 1970s Peter Gabriel-led Genesis reference? Awwww yeaaaaaahhhh!

John Difool
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I owe you this

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/02/17/article-2561080-0F516F5900000578-171_634x447.jpg

Going to watch the actual episode. I have hours

Horatio Cornblower

I watched that episode with my then pre-teen daughter.

Wasn’t awkward at all.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
ballsofsteelandfury

I say play Hurns. The Falcons are a dumpster fire.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll shoulder the load with Balls, (wait, what?) and say go with Hurns. Atlanta’s already making off-season vacation plans.

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