Your Saturday Night Shut-In Post

Ah Saturday night!  John Travolta had a fever for it, because that was the night he could go out, shake his ass to Donna Summer and not have to worry about going to work at that stupid paint store the next day.  Also no one questioned his sexuality for focusing hours of attention on his hair, refusing to bang girls who threw themselves at him and wearing the kind of outfits that Vincent Vega wouldn’t have been caught dead coming out of bathroom in.  The good old days for John, before ‘Battleship Earth’.

Yep, Saturday’s the night to go out and howl at the moon, unless you’re Wofman Rob, in which case you’ve long forgotten what day it is, where you are, whether or not you have a middle name and how that dead hooker wound up in the back of the Prius.  For that matter, how did you get a Prius anyway?  If you’re Wolfman Rob you’re going to howl at the moon 24/7/365 and you’ll have no idea what any of those numbers means.

Not us though. Saturday we go OUT.  We play cards, we go to concerts, we eat at fine restaurants and worry about what fork to use, and then we go to craft breweries and make fun of Bud drinkers while paying $6.25 for a pint of Cherry Wheat Schlitzengruuber which tastes like ass but we’ll still smack our lips, spin our monocole and pronounce delicious, then never order again.

Unless you’re me, tonight.  In which case you’ve been left at home for the weekend while your wife attends a Billy Joel concert in NYC and then has to leave for Pennsylvania for her grandmother’s funeral service, which is timely considering she’s been dead the better part of four months but that’s another story and now you have two kids to monitor and a puppy that has a serious anxiety thing going on because I CAN’T FIND ONE OF MY HUMANS AND OHMYGOD WHERE DID SHE GO I LOST HER IT’S ALL MY FAULT AND THEY’RE GONNA SEND ME BACK TO THE WOODS AND hey is that the cat?

Nope, in that case you’ll be sitting on your ass, drinking beer and watching sports on TV while wondering what all the cool people do.  And then you’ll log in to DFO and find out because all the cool cats hang out here!  Join us won’t you?

Your sporting options for the evening, somewhat limited as lots of good stuff was already on TV:

The NBA play-offs start!  I don’t give two shits about the NBA but:

Boston-Atlanta @ 7:00 pm

Dallas-Oklahoma City @ 9:30 pm

The NHL play-offs continue!  Aw yeah, that’s the good stuff right there:

Flyers-Capitals @ 7:00 pm

Wild-Stars @ 8:00 pm

Sharks-Kings @10:30 pm

UFC Fight Night!  (seriously?)

I think it’s on one of the Fox channels.  Glover Teixiera fights Rashad Evans at probably around 10:00 pm EST or later, in a fight that would have been significant three years ago.  Otherwise chiefly notable for Manvel Gamburyan, who I once saw dislocate the fuck out of his shoulder while trying to take someone down.

Major League Baseball!  (dodges rotten fruit)

There’s a whole bunch of games but it looks like they’re all limited to local broadcasts so look it up yourself.  The Yanks already lost and look like they’d have trouble scoring in a Thai whorehouse so I’m not terribly optimistic about where this season’s going.

 

To the comments and the liquor cabinet!  Not necessarily in that order.

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Sill Bimmons

People say she’s annoying.

http://fcbahistory.pbworks.com/w/file/fetch/4629974/Katherine%20Heigl%2001.jpg

Yeah I don’t care either.

Unsurprised

She’s jiggly enough and it’s not like I’m ever going to have to put up with her attitude IRL

herodotus450

Mike Richards hasn’t had a hit like that since… about 20 minutes before the game.

Unsurprised

i’ve done enough damage and frankly I should go outside at least once today. I have to stop getting sucked into these gif hunts, though.

Gratliff

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Redshirt

That’s what caused this: WARNING (slight gore)

https:// upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/bd/Foley_Ear_Injury.jpg

Unsurprised

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Spur

Isaiah thomas has the heart of Iverson

Unsurprised

In a trophy case, I hope.

Unsurprised

The hangman’s knot is a nice touch.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

YEAH WHO ELSE IS GONNA WATCH FORMULA ONE TONIGHT WOOO…

/crickets
//embarassment
///drinks

Spur

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Sill Bimmons

Oh, tannerite.

How many lives and limbs will you claim?

Unsurprised

Not enough

Sill Bimmons

Speaking of Disney stars that are all growns up…

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Whoopsie!

http://www.tmz.com/2016/04/13/debby-ryan-jessie-drunk-driving-disney/

Unsurprised

Oh fuck. Let’s not.

Sill Bimmons

You started it!

Unsurprised

Moose started it! I just found or rehosted better gifs.

Redshirt

I’m just waiting for the report of the stars of Girl Meets World running a meth lab in the studio.

Redshirt

I just spent the entire day with my family.

Incidentally, does anyone know the best way to remove bloodstains from carpet and furnature and how to dispose of dead bodies. Asking for a friend.

Unsurprised

Lime for the bodies, ammonia for the blood.

Senor Weaselo

Or just wear red.

Sill Bimmons

I’d go with more of a burnt sienna.

Dried blood ain’t red.

Senor Weaselo

So we don’t know whether that’s a goal or not, but… was it a catch? I’m tempted to say no.

Spur

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Unsurprised

Poor snake.

Unsurprised

I TOLD YOU IT’S NOT FUCKING LU— FUCK!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spur

So many questions.

Gratliff

Mistakes were made

Gratliff

This game so far
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Unsurprised

Seriously, the best Aly gif ever. Don’t care if I repost.
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/guyspeed.com/files/2014/07/Aly-MIchalka-bikini-gif.gif

JustStopDude
Sill Bimmons

Another responsible gun owner goes to heaven!

Unsurprised

(Frogman is a “comedian”)

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Spur

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Spur

NO. I really want to sure this one:comment image

Spur

Korver poor shooting kept the Celtics in the game

Spur

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Gratliff

On the bright side, whether or not he could swim was probably irrelevant

Unsurprised

I wonder if he honked his horn to play Dixie as he died.

JustStopDude

So…um…which end does the thing come out?

http://i.imgur.com/jiXDho1.gif

Unsurprised

That is totally on the instructor for not stopping him the first time.

JustStopDude

I like to think the instructor is the one holding the handgun…

“Now a lot of your liberal, Jew-York media types are total fags when it comes to firearms. They would do something like this, holding the gun against their hand. Now your safety will….GOD DAMN IT!”

Unsurprised

That absolutely makes sense. I just assumed the guy with the huge gut was the instructor because, you know, they usually are.

Spur

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Sill Bimmons

Only the NHL could sync it so perfectly that both of the games it’s broadcasting go to intermission at EXACTLY the same time.

http://www.sharegif.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/emma-watsongosh.gif

Senor Weaselo

Happy birthday to her.

JustStopDude

All child actors turn out sexy!

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Sill Bimmons

Poor guy.

I’m surprised he hasn’t taken out George Lucas in a murder-suicide yet.

Gratliff

Gotta leave something to do for the holiday season

JerBear50

I don’t know, I thought the Dickie Bennett storyline was pretty enjoyable.

Spur

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ALXMAC

NAWT AH DROP SPILLT!

Spur

That girl in the hat in the front row behind Stevens is fucking hot.

Unsurprised

Sorry for just destroying everyone’s data cap

Spur

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Unsurprised

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Sill Bimmons

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Spur

The WatchESPN commercial music makes me want to never watch any sport again ever

Sill Bimmons

“Excuse me, miss? You don’t want to forget your fries.”

Spur
Sill Bimmons

ALL THE BUSTED LINKS

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oops

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Those Russians are insane

Spur
Sill Bimmons

When I’m 70 I’m going to have a lot of fun laughing at the 50-year-old millennials with all their saggy tattoos.

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Unsurprised
JustStopDude