Your “A Bauer of Hours Until The Draft” Wednesday Open Thread

I assume the face most GMs see in their dreams the night before the draft is Jack Bauer.

It is a nightmare, naturally, as the GM slogs through the dank, polluted streets of their town, running uphill through mud, having to take the stairs since the elevators just don’t work, trying to beat the clock and get their pick in to a cackling ginger demon.

“Chi-town is draft town!”

The whole while, a rabid fanbase is getting ever closer, screaming for blood and demanding that all the franchise’s historic wrongs be righted on this one day. They hunger, be it for championships or mediocrity, but they are always demanding and pressing for more.

FAAAACCCKKK YOUUUUU!!!

He runs as fast as he can, barely staying ahead of the slavering mob. Always running; heart racing; never out of range. Just when he turns a corner and thinks he’s safe – there’s Jack.

Gun in hand, he screams, “WHO IS IT?!”, ‘WHO MADE THE CALL?!”, and “WHERE’S MENDOZA?!!”, because even in dreams Jack Bauer is always on the hunt. When the GM doesn’t answer right away, Jack has to use a little persuasion

“I’LL FEED YOU TO THEM!” Jack screams, pointing at the fanbase, which has somehow slowed down yet gotten closer. “WHO’S THE PICK?!”

Chris Weinke?

“I don’t know…” the GM weeps, “it’s not up to me. It’s whatever the owner’s 8-ball says”.

“8-ball?”

“LIAR!” screams Bauer, as he grabs the GM and hurls him out the window.

Waking up just before he hits the ground, covered in sweat, the GM realizes that his future, and his family’s, rests on the decisions that will be made today.

Except in Cleveland. They always hit the ground in Cleveland.

His wife, having left the bedroom earlier in the night due to the screaming, returns with a smile and a cup of coffee. She worries about him – wondering when the stroke will come, has the will be updated, and will she be in the passenger seat? “Don’t worry, honey”, she purrs, “it’ll all be over tonight. Why don’t you watch the news?” She turns on the TV and leaves the room, the Xanax finally taking effect. The GM turns to the screen, hoping to catch the basketball highlights, when the screen suddenly becomes his nightmare…

And it ends…

Liveblog tomorrow! Get your picks in!

Until then, the games!

NHL:

  • Islanders @ Lightning – 7:00 – Round 2 Game 1
  • Predators @ Ducks – 10:00 – Round 1 Game 7

NBA: (all are Game 5)

  • Hornets @ Heat – 8:00
  • Blazers @ Clippers – 10:00
  • Rockets @ Warriors – 10:30

Sweet dreams, Trent Baalke.

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor Weaselo

All those 24 references and not one “Damn it, Chloe”? I call shenanigans.