My father went to private school. I did not. It’s a completely foreign environment to me, particularly now as a public school teacher. One thing I do know about private school, however, beyond the stereotypical throwback uniforms, strict rules, and such, is that many have incredibly long-running traditions that are an integral part of school culture. Even when those traditions seem particularly silly.

We find ourselves in the UK once more this week, at the historic Eton College for Boys, one of the world’s most prestigious public (read: private – England’s fucked the definition up for all of us) schools in existence. Located outside of Windsor, to the west of London, Eton was founded in 1440 by King Henry VI; today the school has a reputation of being “the chief nurse of England’s statesmen” and has educated prime ministers, the royal family, and other such high-class folks. Tradition is HUGE. And few are more important than the annual St. Andrew’s Day Wall Game.

St. Andrew’s Day, celebrated on November 30th in the Anglican Church calendar, marks a competition run at Eton since 1766; the Wall Game is played between Collegers (the students on full scholarship, about 70 students or so) and the Oppidans (the rest of the school, which is around about 1300 or so in total). Despite the imbalance, the Collegers get to control access to the Wall in question (though they typically let others practise on it, so it’s not as much of an advantage as you think). Both sides compete with teams of ten players in all.

Rules are as follows:

• Playing field is about 5m (16 feet) wide by 110m (120 yards) long, all against a wall that is not quite straight.
• As in all forms of football, the other team is attempting to take the ball to the far end of the pitch and score.
• Players may not use their hands to touch the ball, and may not let their body, other than feet or hands, touch the ground.
• Players cannot deliberately hold or punch opponents, but they can otherwise impede their progress in a variety of ways.
• Play begins with a “bully” (akin to a rugby scrum) with 6 of the 10 players on each team pushed up against their opponents and the wall.
• A player possessing the ball is typically on all fours, with the ball at his feet, and his team forming a phalanx of bodies around him.
• When a team enters the “calx” (end zone) of the pitch, they can score a “shy” (one point) by getting the ball to touch the wall.
• While in the calx, passing the ball backwards becomes legal – otherwise, it cannot be done.
• If a team scores a shy, they then have the opportunity to score a goal (for an additional nine points) – the goals are a door at one end and a tree at the other, respectively. This is done by throwing the ball through the goal area.
• Goals are exceptionally rare – the last time a goal was scored was St. Andrew’s Day of 1909.

The documentary above does justice to explain the absurdity of everything going on, as does the one below too. I wish things were still narrated in this manner today.

All in all, it’s not a particularly spectator-friendly sport, but it is actually quite skillful in nature. The St. Andrew’s Day match is the most important of all, but students get the oppotunity to play against masters (teachers) and alumni as a means of training and physical education throughout the year as well.

This said, it is just baffling enough of an experience to witness that it makes it so perfectly British in nature.