Welcome back to another week of filler while BattleBots is on Olympic break. Last week we went over the 11th to 20th-best fights in BattleBots history as determined by noted BattleBots fan Senor Weaselo. (That’s right, I’m giving myself honorifics now.) We had fights from as early as 2001 and fights as recent as three episodes ago. We had knockouts, we had dominating decisions, and we had close decisions, one I even disagreed with upon watching it the first time and even now. Today’s topic is the top 10, the cream of the crop, and also momentarily the title of the first post when I put it up because who proofreads the title anyway?

There are fights from this season, there are fights from the Comedy Central era, there aren’t any fights from the pre-TV era on this list but they’re kinda meh in retrospect and I actually haven’t sat through all of either the Long Beach or Las Vegas tourneys. They’re on Youtube somewhere.

Anyway, without futher ado…

#10: Beta vs. Lucky (ABC Season 2 qualifiers)

Result: Beta, 3-0

Hey, this one’s pretty recent, it’s from this season. The battle of the cursed British robot that seemingly couldn’t and YEAH CANADA! (They’re still not really from Canada.) Beta is not a new robot. It was supposed to compete last season, but American Airlines lost the speed controllers and other electronics, which meant that Beta couldn’t fight because of a lack of vital internal organs. But originally Beta was supposed to compete all the way back in the Comedy Central days in Season 5 but had to forfeit because the magnets that were supposed to act as downforce to keep the robot on the floor when the hammer came down (you’ve all seen Beta flip itself over on hammer blows this year) actually made it stick to the floor and be unable to move.

To make matters worse Beta fell off the hand truck when entering the Box because Curse of Beta. But then the fight began and it was actually really good. Beta dropped the hammer on Lucky time after time, taking out one of Lucky’s shock-absorbing panels almost immediately, and Lucky got a few flips in there. Normally flipping the other robot a few times’ll even be enough to win, plus Beta flipped itself over a couple times after glancing blows or misses when it was turning the wrong way, but the power and speed of the hammer coming down time and time again was able to make up the difference, giving Beta the unanimous decision.

#9: M.O.E. vs. Stealth Terminator (Comedy Central Season 5 heavyweights)

Result: Stealth Terminator, 24-21

Another result that I don’t agree with, similar to Cuad vs. Techno last week. M.O.E. (short for Marvel of Engineering), the red bot with the spinning bar and the inspiration behind one of your favorite kill-everything bots Tombstone, took chunks off of Stealth Terminator’s front and side for the first 30 seconds. Then the bar stopped moving and the fight turned into Stealth Terminator’s favor as it became a shoving match. But with 20 seconds left, it came back to life and M.O.E. had one last shot at the buzzer, but it apparently wasn’t enough. A controversial decision considering the damage, but the judges determined that Stealth Terminator’s aggression and strategy were better giving it more points en route to the win. I don’t know if I agree, I think I’d have 4-1 M.O.E. on damage since the bar was still spinning at the end of the fight and therefore wasn’t damaged and Stealth Terminator took a lot, then 3-2 Stealth Terminator in aggression and strategy (mostly in pushing, the flipper wasn’t acting great), but that would still make it 8-7 M.O.E. on my card. Either way it was Stealth Terminator that advanced.

#8: Lock-Jaw vs. Yeti (ABC Season 2 qualifiers)

Result: Yeti, 3-0

Wait, two fights from this year in the top 10? Yeah, there have been some really good fights this year, I gotta say.

I honestly think that if Donald Hutson hadn’t changed Lock-Jaw’s weapon from an electric jaw last season a la signature super heavy Diesector to the spring-loaded launcher it is today he would have won this fight. He tried to go for the same strategy as his super heavyweight Diesector used against Dreadnought (itself a pretty iconic fight and on my consideration list, that image of Diesector’s jaws right in between the two saws of Dreadnought is pretty awesome), but once the springs got taken out by Yeti’s spinning drum he couldn’t get a clamp going and could only push Yeti towards the wall rather than grab and take the light-armored Yeti to the hazards. Under the old rules Lock-Jaw might have won with its aggression and strategy outpointing the damage Yeti did, but due to the active weapon rule brute force beat skill and wile.

#7: Vladiator vs. Diesector (CC Season 3 super heavyweight semifinals)

Result: Vladiator, 24-21

The first of the two meetings between these great bots. They would meet again in Season 5 for the Nut, and it would be another barnburner, though it was cut short from Vladiator knocking a wall loose. Diesector was the reigning champion at this point, winning the Season 2 Nut. Vladiator was the new robot built by Gage Cauchois, who built two-time heavyweight champion Vlad the Impaler.

Something about a 340-lb. robot being sent skyward from a shove into the wall, like a shot Diesector took from Vladiator, is very satisfying. Vladiator led early and did damage to Diesector via the hazards, but Diesector took control late. A “three more minutes” chant is always a good sign of an instant classic. In my eyes the tearing damage to Diesector, I think from the pulverizer, was probably enough to swing it, it looks worse than the dents from the several pulverizer shots Vladiator took.

#6: Toro vs. Vladiator (CC Season 4 super heavyweight quarterfinals)

Result: Toro, 32-13

This fight isn’t as close as the first four on this list, but this falls under the dominant display making for an entertaining spectacle. After edging Diesector in the semis, Vladiator went on to win the Giant Nut defeating another former champion, Christian Carlberg’s Minion. Two-time semifinalist Toro was doing what Inertia Labs bots do, pneumatically flip other robots in the air repeatedly. And that’s what happened here.

Toro took on the defending champ and flipped Vladiator eight times in the three-minute bout, including pinning Vladiator against the wall at the end of the fight with the last one, all but assuring a third straight semifinal appearance. This time Toro made it past the semis, winning Inertia Labs’s first Giant Nut.

#5: Tombstone vs. Witch Doctor (ABC Season 1 quarterfinals)

Result: Tombstone, KO 1:01

Before this fight if you came from the future or broke the non-disclosure agreement and told me “Tombstone will KO Witch Doctor,” I would say “Okay, that’s what I expected.” If you told me how the fight happened I would have been floored, because this was awesome.

This was the first instance of Witch Doctor flying solo without Shaman and using the plow against a spinner. And it worked phenomenally. The opening hit sent both bots spinning, but it was Tombstone getting the worst of it, and it was Tombstone being sent spinning around the BattleBox as the vertical spinner took it to Tombstone more than a couple times—and say what you want that Tombstone’s just a big bar and wheels to drive it around, those were some hits that Witch Doctor doled out. Then the final weapon-to-weapon shot broke Tombstone’s blade in half. But it flipped over Witch Doctor which couldn’t self-right due to the plow, and even though it was winning the fight and had the number 1 seed on the ropes, Witch Doctor wasn’t mobile, so it got counted out.

#4: Diesector vs. Final Destiny (CC S5 super heavyweights)

Result: Diesector, KO 2:06

Again, spectacular knockout rather than dogfight. Final Destiny absolutely destroyed the first robot it faced in the TV rounds, tearing into Gray Matter. Then it got former champ Diesector, which according to its builder was just fine, because Final Destiny was meant to fight bots like Diesector and Toro. So Donald Hutson added a pair of extensions to Diesector’s jaws and did exactly what he said he’d do, rip those clovers off one by one. Or even better, have Final Destiny rip its own skirts off by having Diesector get under them and lift them in the way of the spinning helicopter blade until Final Destiny toppled over. There truly is no better violence than self-inflicted violence.