Request Line: Pickin’ Apples

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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INT. GIANTS PRACTICE FACILITY – DAY

We follow from over the shoulder of a tall, strong, confident young man as he strides through a hallway in the Giants practice facility in East Rutherford, New Jersey. He pauses in front of the door, then hammers both his palms into it, causing the DOOR to FLY OPEN.

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ODELL BECKHAM JR.: Eli!

ELI APPLE: [grinning] What’s up baby?

ODELL BECKHAM JR.: [good naturedly] I’m gonna light you up today!

ELI APPLE: Oh oh oh! We shall see!

 

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OLIVER VERNON: Mr. New York!

ELI APPLE: [mimes finger guns]

OLIVER VERNON: Ha ha ha!  Yeah!

 

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RASHAD JENNINGS: I’m coming round that corner, Apple!

ELI APPLE: I don’t think so, buddy, THIS GUY ME I CALL HIM DONALD TRUMP CAUSE I’M GONNA BUILD ME A WALL AND MAKE YOU PAY…[dances towards JENNINGS with his arms out wide, mirrors JENNINGS as he attempts to sidestep around him, then grabs him in a big hug and ruffles his hair]

RASHAD JENNINGS: [laughing] You’re all right, rookie.

 

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ELI APPLE: Hey guys, what time is it?  Could it be…FIVE O’CLOCK?

ELI APPLE proceeds to run through the defense’s section of the locker room with his hand raised in the air, and all the players raise their own to slap him high five as he passes, except for Jason Pierre-Paul, of course, who frowns.  ELI APPLE stops in front of him.

ELI APPLE: Come on, big daddy!  Whaddaya say?  Three-fifths compromise?

JASON PIERRE-PAUL cannot help himself, and he grudgingly smiles and gives ELI APPLE as much of a high five as he can.

 

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ELI MANNING: [internal monologue] I don’t understand it! Why is the stupid new kid getting all the attention?  I’m the guy who’s been with this team for twelve years. I’m the guy who led us to two Super Bowls. I’m the guy who’s out there every game, taking the big hits, playing hurt, putting the team on my back.  I’m the guy who kept his mouth shut when Old Man Coughlin found out about the homework-for-Pokemon scheme that Victor Cruz was running out of his locker.  Why is he so popular?

ELI APPLE: [approaches MANNING, holding out juice box] Here you go, Chief!  Gotta keep them energy levels up!

ELI MANNING: [internal monologue] You know what? Maybe this rookie isn’t so bad after all.

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This week’s theme: FRUIT!  And since Olivia isn’t watching, let’s throw in SUGAR as well!  Have at it, folks!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

laserguru
laserguru

laserguru

goddamn youtube

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Haha! At least you caught it though.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

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ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

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ALXMAC

laserguru

I hate myself for forgetting this.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

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ALXMAC

laserguru

BABYMETAL – Gimme Chocolate.

scotchnaut

Great Canadian band-Big Sugar with Digging a Hole

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Roger Miller : Little Green Apples

Genital Issimo
Genital Issimo

Banana Boat